I Cut Off a Couple of Friends, and They’re Not Allowed to Come Back
When prospective clients reach out to me regarding professional care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), they sometimes appear to be taken aback when learning that I advocate cutting people off (terminating social relationships of various sorts).
Still, I stated in Cutting That Which Isn’t Necessary, “It’s often the case in one’s impermanent and uncertain life that cutting that which isn’t necessary is the best option for success with one’s interests and goals, even when doing so is quite an uncomfortable experience.”
Prospective client X may want assistance with addressing his unhelpful reaction to continually being assaulted and battered by his spouse. However, this individual refuses to even consider the possibility of cutting off his wife.
Prospective client Y may want help regarding her unproductive response to continually being cheated on by her intimate partner. Yet, this person won’t even entertain the notion of cutting off her boyfriend.
Prospective client Z may want aid concerning his unfavorable reaction to continually being used for little more than a fleshy automated teller machine (ATM) by his friends. Nevertheless, this individual is opposed to the idea of cutting off this group of people.
All the same, as was stated by rapper Dro Kenji on his song “Disaster”, which was produced by Taz Taylor, Census, Isaiah Valmont, and ThankYouWill, from the album With or Without You (2022), “I cut off a couple of friends, and they’re not allowed to come back.”
This is a matter of setting and reinforcing healthy boundaries, as this helpful practice aligns with mental health interests and goals; yet may be misaligned with rigid personal interests and goals. As such, a psychoeducational lesson on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) arises.
In particular, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).
With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).
The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.
Regarding his circle of control and USA, prospective client X may acknowledge that while he may not be able to stop his wife from continually assaulting and battering him, he can control his reaction to such behavior. In many cases, this reaction may include cutting off one’s spouse.
Concerning her circle of influence and UOA, prospective client Y may admit that she may not be able to convince her boyfriend to stop cheating on her. Consequently, a productive response to some intimate partners who insist on being unfaithful is to eventually cut off these individuals.
Pertaining to his circle of concern and ULA, prospective client Z may recognize that some friends treat other people as though they’re little more than human ATMs, as we live in a flawed world. Therefore, rather than going broke, one may simply cut off others who drain resources.
As for the realm of no concern, an imaginary dimension in which no one behaves poorly, that’s not the dominion in which prospective clients X, Y, and Z live. Thus, instead of wasting what little time they have left in this world, they recommendatorily should cut some individuals off.
Still, rather than giving advice to the people with whom I professionally practice REBT, I allow clients to remain self-determined and autonomous by exercising personal agency while taking personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for their own reactions.
Ergo, some people with whom I work may get their asses beaten by their spouses, some may be repeatedly cheated on by intimate partners, and some may become destitute when their bank accounts run dry after trying to appease others. Personally, healthy boundaries are preferred!
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Apple Music. (n.d.). With or Without You [Image]. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/album/with-or-without-you/1711518737
Dro Kenji. (2022, January 27). Dro Kenji - Disaster (Official lyric video) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/Rrt3bzFHz7A?si=USduNbMuvX17lJjS
Genius. (n.d.). Census. Retrieved from https://genius.com/artists/Census
Genius. (n.d.). Isaiah Valmont. Retrieved from https://genius.com/artists/Isaiah-valmont
Genius. (n.d.). Taz Taylor. Retrieved from https://genius.com/artists/Taz-taylor
Genius. (n.d.). ThankYouWill. Retrieved from https://genius.com/artists/Thankyouwill
Hollings, D. (2026, February 8). Adaptive and maladaptive emotions and behavior. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/adaptive-and-maladaptive-emotions-and-behavior
Hollings, D. (2025, September 18). Are you working against your interests and goals? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/are-you-working-against-your-interests-and-goals
Hollings, D. (2026, September 8). Attention: Changing the way you respond to a situation makes a difference. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/attention-changing-the-way-you-respond-to-a-situation-makes-a-difference
Hollings, D. (2023, August 30). Boundary setting. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/boundary-setting
Hollings, D. (2022, May 17). Circle of concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/circle-of-concern
Hollings, D. (2024, July 11). Concern and no concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/concern-and-no-concern
Hollings, D. (2023, April 22). Control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/control
Hollings, D. (2026, March 24). Cutting that which isn’t necessary. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/cutting-that-which-isn-t-necessary
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2026, May 10). Discomfort anxiety: Where are you going? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/discomfort-anxiety-where-are-you-going
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (2026, September 16). Healthfully negative vs. unhealthfully negative reactions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/healthfully-negative-vs-unhealthfully-negative-reactions
Hollings, D. (2024, August 9). Healthy concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/healthy-concern
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2024, October 21). Impermanence and uncertainty. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/impermanence-and-uncertainty
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2024, March 4). Mental, emotional, and behavioral health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mental-emotional-and-behavioral-health
Hollings, D. (2025, November 16). Mental health, mental illness, and mental disorder. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mental-health-mental-illness-and-mental-disorder
Hollings, D. (2024, February 24). Personal agency. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-agency
Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership
Hollings, D. (2025, September 9). Personal responsibility and accountability. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-responsibility-and-accountability
Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation
Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2023, February 17). Revisiting the circle of control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/revisiting-the-circle-of-control
Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous
Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Recommendatory should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/recommendatory-should-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2024, May 26). Self-determination and autonomy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-determination-and-autonomy
Hollings, D. (2025, December 24). Some people advocate walking. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/some-people-advocate-walking
Hollings, D. (2024, October 17). Stress-testing intimate partner relationships. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stress-testing-intimate-partner-relationships
Hollings, D. (2023, April 9). The advice that never was. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-advice-that-never-was
Hollings, D. (2026, February 21). The preferences versus expectations paradigm: Love is not enough, though virtue is. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-preferences-versus-expectations-paradigm-love-is-not-enough-though-virtue-is
Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal
Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux
Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2026, March 8). You are not your beliefs or ideas. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-are-not-your-beliefs-or-ideas
Hollings, D. (2026, March 26). You’ll have suffered twice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-ll-have-suffered-twice
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Assault and battery. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assault_and_battery
Wikipedia. (n.d.). ATM. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ATM
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Dro Kenji. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dro_Kenji
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Stephen Covey. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Covey
