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Attention: Changing the Way You Respond to a Situation Makes a Difference

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • 13 minutes ago
  • 16 min read

 

Regarding online activity, perhaps you’ve observed a similar behavior pattern as I’ve noticed. Particularly concerning social media, people constantly strive for attention from others. For context, the American Psychological Association (APA) thusly defines attention:

 

[A] state in which cognitive resources are focused on certain aspects of the environment rather than on others and the central nervous system is in a state of readiness to respond to stimuli.

 

Because it has been presumed that human beings do not have an infinite capacity to attend to everything—focusing on certain items at the expense of others—much of the research in this field has been devoted to discerning which factors influence attention and to understanding the neural mechanisms that are involved in the selective processing of information.

 

For example, past experience affects perceptual experience (we notice things that have meaning for us), and some activities (e.g., reading) require conscious participation (i.e., voluntary attention).

 

However, attention can also be captured (i.e., directed involuntarily) by qualities of stimuli in the environment, such as intensity, movement, repetition, contrast, and novelty.

 

Given this clarity, attention in regard to social media is something of an intangible asset (an asset that lacks physical substance). People compete with one another for likes, shares, comments, subscribers, and so forth. Now, consider that the APA thusly defines response:

 

[A]ny glandular, muscular, neural, or other reaction to a stimulus [as the APA defines a reaction as “a response to a stimulus”]. A response is a clearly defined, measurable unit of behavior discussed in terms of its result (e.g., pressing a lever, indicating yes vs. no on a survey item) or its physical characteristics (e.g., raising an arm).

 

A way that some people and corporations use attention on social media is as one source states, “The goal is to find the right moment while you’re online to strategically grab your attention and insert an ad that you’ll engage with.” Who hasn’t encountered an attention-grabbing ad?

 

Of this, one source states, “Attention seeking behavior is to act in a way that is likely to elicit attention. Attention seeking behavior as a pathological personality trait is defined in the DSM-5 as ‘engaging in behavior designed to attract notice and to make oneself the focus of others’ attention and admiration’.”

 

Now, contrast attention-seeking with attention-getting, which the APA defines as “describing a type of behavior, often inappropriate, that is used to gain attention. Childhood temper tantrums are an example of such behavior.” Both attention-seeking and -getting may have consequences.  

 

After all, some people treat attention as a form of intangible capital (net worth: excess of assets over liabilities). In various ways, people online can monetize the attention of their audience. In various cases, this is the underlying goal for many influencers, about which one source states:

 

An influencer is someone who has the ability to alter the attitudes, behavior, or decisions of others through authority, knowledge, position, or the nature of their relationship with the audience. Such ability is either inherent to their personality or is constructed by others for benefit. This benefit can be either social, personal, and or economical.

 

The term ‘influencer’ is used in fields such as media, business, politics, religion, and communication, referring to people such as social media influencers, podcasters, public speakers, religious influencers, writers, and newsletter writers who have dedicated followings in various areas.

 

I argue that changing the way you respond to a situation (position with respect to conditions and circumstances) makes a difference (the quality or state of being dissimilar or different), especially for influencers. For example, one source reports:

 

The film and television industry is evolving rapidly, and one of the biggest shifts in recent years is the growing influence of social media on casting decisions. Actor and director Ethan Hawke recently addressed this trend, calling it “crazy” that actors are sometimes cast based on their Instagram following rather than their talent and experience.

 

The amount of one’s social media audience membership can actually translate to a tangible asset. Therefore, the intangible capital of attention may transition from a flexible desire to an inflexible demand. When contemplating this matter further, two hip hop songs come to mind.

 

First, on his third studio album, Olive Branch (2017), one of my top-five-dead-or-alive lyricists, Locksmith, released the song “The Margin”, featuring One Coco. On the track, Locksmith states:

 

I get the feeling that people are feeling the fakeness of what they’ve been fed

It’s a lie

Everything’s like a commercial, they murder your spirit, and sell it back to you (Surprise)

This is the price of the life that you covet, the things that you thirst, and the people you lust

You can spend all your attention and money to purchase your friends, but cannot buy trust

I can’t remember before they dismembered emotional scars, how to take ours

We have regrettably put our celebrities up on a pedestal, worshipped as gods

Can you afford the ticket to Heaven?

How can you rise when chained to the ground?

No longer human, we[’re] used to consuming

We pray to the things, to which we have found

 

The lyricist apparently understands how people respond to attention-seeking and attention-getting behavior. There are many influencers who thirst for attention, and audience members who respond in fickle ways. How one responds to this fluctuating situation makes a difference.

 

Second, on his fifth studio album, Floor Seats II (2020), rapper FERG (previously A$AP Ferg) featured the track “Value”. On the pre-chorus, he states, “Look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me now!” This is a clear form of attention-demanding.

 

Now, as Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) was formed by the late psychologist Albert Ellis, who reportedly developed the first cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) psychotherapeutic modality in 1955, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding his book, Ask Albert Ellis?: Straight Answers and Sound Advice from America’s Best-Known Psychologist.

 

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

 

Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

 

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

 

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

 

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

 

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

 

Worth noting, the two forms of should, must, and ought demands with which people most often distress or disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional beliefs. Generally speaking, these scripts serve as inflexible commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

 

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of self-upset.

 

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

 

While still functioning as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

 

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

 

From an A-C view, influencers can amass a large following (Action) and receive compensation from corporations who sell ads to followers (Consequence). According to one source, a nano-influencer (1,000-10,000 followers) can make $195 per social media post.

 

Still, a mega-influencer/celebrity (1 million-plus followers) can make $5,000+ per post. For context, influencer MrBeast reportedly made $85 million in 2025, as influencer (of sorts) Sophie Rain reportedly made $43 in the same year. (Why would one choose to simp?)

 

Regarding tangible capital, there’s money to be made with social media posts. Nevertheless, concerning intangible assets, many people earn attention with their posts. Now, suppose that person X doesn’t receive attention, and uses a B-C connection to self-disturb in response.

 

Person X doesn’t receive attention (Action), Believes, “I’m worthless [G], and I can’t bear not to be adored [L], as it’s horrific to be ignored [A], so people must look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me now [D],” and then becomes depressed (Consequence).

 

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

 

Regarding attention, changing the way you respond to a situation makes a difference. Expanding on this matter, Ellis stated in Ask Albert Ellis (page 17):

 

The first-century philosopher Epictetus put it this way: “What disturbs people’s minds is not events, but their judgments on events.” It’s a pretty simple idea.

 

You can make a situation better – or worse – by how you think about it, feel about it, and behave toward it. REBT is a powerful psychotherapy method that works because it helps people deal with the difficulties in their lives by changing the way they respond – think, feel, and behave – toward those difficulties.

 

If you simply want attention from others, though don’t acquire it, then you may experience healthy self-distress (e.g., disappointment) stemming from your rational beliefs. I imagine that you’ve been disappointed many times before, and can tolerate letdown caused by your beliefs.

 

Alternatively, when you demand attention, but don’t receive it, then you may endure unhealthy self-distress (e.g., depressive symptoms) which stems from your irrational beliefs. Why cause yourself this experience? Thus, changing the way you respond to a situation makes a difference!

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


Photo credit (edited), Designed by Magnific, fair use

 

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Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Rational vs. irrational. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-vs-irrational

Hollings, D. (2025, June 16). Reacting emotionally will only make the situation worse. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/reacting-emotionally-will-only-make-the-situation-worse

Hollings, D. (2024, March 14). REBT and emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-and-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, July 18). REBT flexibility. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-flexibility

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Recommendatory should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/recommendatory-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2026, August 27). Remember me: What do you have to say? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/remember-me-what-do-you-have-to-say

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2026, July 7). Self-distress and distress tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-distress-and-distress-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2025, January 6). Self-downing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-downing

Hollings, D. (2026, April 21). Self-upset. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-upset

Hollings, D. (2026, April 13). Shackled and miserable. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/shackled-and-miserable

Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought

Hollings, D. (2024, March 24). Smartphone and social media addiction. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/smartphone-and-social-media-addiction

Hollings, D. (2024, February 27). Suffering, struggling, and battling vs. experiencing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/suffering-struggling-and-battling-vs-experiencing

Hollings, D. (2025, October 19). Surprise and embarrassment. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/surprise-and-embarrassment

Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2025, December 21). The awful, very bad, horrible, terrible, no good, unacceptable elements of life. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-awful-very-bad-horrible-terrible-no-good-unacceptable-elements-of-life

Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2026, April 12). The Cartesian crisis: What do I control? What do I influence? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/ the-cartesian-crisis-what-do-i-control-what-do-i-influence

Hollings, D. (2026, May 15). The speed of thoughts and beliefs: Flipping the bird. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-speed-of-thoughts-and-beliefs-flipping-the-bird

Hollings, D. (2026, April 23). The three traditionally identified components of the mind: Affect, cognition, and conation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-three-traditionally-identified-components-of-the-mind-affect-cognition-and-conation

Hollings, D. (2022, November 2). The critical A. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-critical-a

Hollings, D. (2025, February 13). The past is passed. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-past-is-passed

Hollings, D. (2025, April 15). This cake smells unpleasant. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/this-cake-smells-unpleasant

Hollings, D. (2023, February 16). Tna. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/__tna

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, April 18). Tolerable FAD. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tolerable-fad

Hollings, D. (2024, June 14). Tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tolerance

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2026, August 30). Trust and no take-backs: What is done is done. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/trust-and-no-take-backs-what-is-done-is-done

Hollings, D. (2024, March 18). Unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhealthy-vs-healthy-negative-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, October 26). Unhelpful expectations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhelpful-expectations

Hollings, D. (2023, May 3). Want vs. need. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/want-vs-need

Hollings, D. (2026, January 21). Y’all police best be ready! Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/y-all-police-best-be-ready

Hollings, D. (2025, July 22). You almost always end up with regret. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-almost-always-end-up-with-regret

Hollings, D. (2026, March 8). You are not your beliefs or ideas. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-are-not-your-beliefs-or-ideas

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