Place to Hide

[DISCLAIMER]

I thought of a psychoeducational lesson on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) when listening to an electronic dance music (EDM) DJ set by the talented Roksana. As an aside, it would’ve been nice to have been able to dance to a Roksana set during my raving days.

She goes hard! In any event, during the DJ set in focus, Roksana played the song “Place to Hide” by Mark Dekoda and Droplex. In repetition, the lyrics state:

Tell me what you want from me

Is it just a place to hide?

I held up all your secrets

But you left me cold outside

Noteworthy, when practicing REBT, I use personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”). For improved understanding, responsibility is defined as the quality or state of being responsible, such as a moral, legal, or mental accountability.

Here, “responsible” is defined as liable to be called to account as the primary cause, motive, or agent, and being able to answer for one’s conduct and obligations—something, such as the demands of conscience or custom, that obligates one to a course of action.

Also, “accountable” is defined as subject to giving an account—a statement explaining one’s conduct. Accountability is defined as the quality or state of being accountable, especially regarding an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions.

When providing psychoeducational lessons on REBT, a psychotherapeutic modality which arguably requires that one preferably should take personal ownership in order to reduce self-distress or self-disturbance, I lean heavily on both responsibility and accountability.

This is because I maintain that people have personal agency (a person’s ability to control one’s own reactions to activating events which are beyond one’s own dominion, especially when one’s response is limited by someone or something else). This is a matter of self-empowerment.

In the case of “Place to Hide”, the vocalist questions what are presumably the motives of an intimate partner who apparently seeks a place to hide rather than to meaningfully connect. From the view of REBT, such an event cannot cause the singer to be “cold” (i.e., unemotional).

Rather, taking personal ownership of the matter, one’s attitude – specifically an individual’s irrational belief – is what results in this unpleasant outcome. Therefore, when searching for a “place to hide,” the vocalist could seek shelter in one of the major techniques offered by REBT.

Specifically, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Regarding the circle of control and USA, the vocalist on “Place to Hide” can acknowledge that one can control only one’s own reaction to undesirable events. Concerning the circle of influence and UOA, the singer may admit that other people aren’t always open to be influenced.

On the topic of the circle of concern and ULA, the vocalist on “Place to Hide” could accept that life is impermanent and uncertain, as well as imperfect, so intimate partner relationships often fail. Therefore, when seeking solace from suffering (i.e., a “place to hide”), UA is the way to go.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

Apple Music. (n.d.). Droplex. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/droplex/445765784

Apple Music. (n.d.). Mark Dekoda. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/mark-dekoda/394225823

Dekoda, M. (2025, May 29). Mark Dekoda, Droplex - Place to Hide (Original Mix) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/XmQnWNWaGgQ?si=QCe8DcY08BNqCaNN

Hollings, D. (2025, March 2). A demanded thing is a necessary one. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-demanded-thing-is-a-necessary-one

Hollings, D. (2023, March 7). Accepting what is. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/accepting-what-is

Hollings, D. (2025, September 13). Are your actions ruled by reason? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/are-your-actions-ruled-by-reason

Hollings, D. (2025, November 17). Bloodbending: A moral and ethical dilemma regarding control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/bloodbending-a-moral-and-ethical-dilemma-regarding-control

Hollings, D. (2025, October 23). Bringing together sound teaching with sound conduct. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/bringing-together-sound-teaching-with-sound-conduct

Hollings, D. (2022, May 17). Circle of concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/circle-of-concern

Hollings, D. (2024, July 11). Concern and no concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/concern-and-no-concern

Hollings, D. (2026, February 12). Consciousness: Reach your soul. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/consciousness-reach-your-soul

Hollings, D. (2023, April 22). Control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/control

Hollings, D. (2025, September 6). Control what you can. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/control-what-you-can

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2024, December 30). Empowerment. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/empowerment

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2026, February 13). Five, four, three… beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/five-four-three-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2024, August 9). Healthy concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/healthy-concern

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2024, October 21). Impermanence and uncertainty. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/impermanence-and-uncertainty

Hollings, D. (2025, September 21). Impugning motive: Swallowing a toad. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/impugning-motive-swallowing-a-toad

Hollings, D. (2024, February 14). Insufferable vs. undesirable. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/insufferable-vs-undesirable

Hollings, D. (2025, October 13). Knowledge, wisdom, understanding. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/knowledge-wisdom-understanding

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2022, June 23). Meaningful purpose. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/meaningful-purpose

Hollings, D. (2025, April 16). Mentally corrupt decisions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mentally-corrupt-decisions

Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude

Hollings, D. (2024, February 24). Personal agency. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-agency

Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership

Hollings, D. (2025, September 9). Personal responsibility and accountability. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-responsibility-and-accountability

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation

Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2023, February 17). Revisiting the circle of control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/revisiting-the-circle-of-control

Hollings, D. (2025, August 6). Take an inventory of your obligations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/take-an-inventory-of-your-obligations

Hollings, D. (2025, January 2). The distinction between law and justice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-distinction-between-law-and-justice

Hollings, D. (2026, February 21). The preferences versus expectations paradigm: Love is not enough, though virtue is. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-preferences-versus-expectations-paradigm-love-is-not-enough-though-virtue-is

Hollings, D. (2025, April 15). This cake smells unpleasant. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/this-cake-smells-unpleasant

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2026, March 14). Trolley problem: Distress or disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/trolley-problem-distress-or-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2025, September 28). War crimes: A rational course of action. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/war-crimes-a-rational-course-of-action

Hollings, D. (2025, March 11). We live in an imperfect world. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/we-live-in-an-imperfect-world

Hollings, D. (2026, March 26). You’ll have suffered twice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-ll-have-suffered-twice

Roksana. (2025, December 12). Melodic techno & peak-time techno DJ live mix 2025 @ NYC [Popof, T78, Nico Moreno] [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/ERjA1S_0EJk?si=R2WqlwJASZSX33HU

Soundcloud. (n.d.). Droplex, Mark Dekoda - Place to Hide [Image]. Retrieved from https://soundcloud.com/droplexofficial/droplex-mark-dekoda-place-to-hide

Soundcloud. (n.d.). Roksana. Retrieved from https://soundcloud.com/roksana-zhang

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Rave. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rave

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Stephen Covey. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Covey