Putting Too Much Weight in Strangers' Opinions

[DISCLAIMER]

Photo credit, meme maker: Thankyoumrdata, property of Paramount Television, fair use

With my daily practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I sometimes visit the social media platform Reddit. At times, I’ll discover content regarding serious topics. At other times, I’ll find subjectively humorous information. The current blogpost regards the latter.

Recently, I came across the meme above that reminded me of a time when I used to watch the science fiction television series Star Trek: The Next Generation with my dad. We also watched Star Trek: The Original Series, as my dad was a proud Trekkie (fan of the Star Trek franchise).

In any event, I liked the character Data – about whom one source states, “Data is a self-aware, sapient, sentient and anatomically fully functional male android […] Data is in many ways a successor to the original Star Trek’s Spock, in that the character has superior mental skills and offers an ‘outsider’s’ perspective on humanity.”

When providing psychoeducational lessons about REBT to clients who remain familiar with both Data and Spock—individuals who effectively illustrated the use of thinking that was rational (in accordance with both logic and reason)—I realize how alienating REBT may seem to some.

For context, logic is the interrelation or sequence of facts or events when seen as inevitable or predictable, and reason is a statement offered in explanation or justification. For instance, a modus ponens syllogism uses the logical form: If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

As an example, in the Star Trek meme that ostensibly represents behavior of people on social media, Dr. Katherine Pulaski states to Data, “I’m offended by something your posted” online. Dr. Pulaski’s self-disturbed offense is a matter addressed by the ABC model of REBT.

Before demonstrating this matter, let’s explore the syllogistic logic used by Dr. Pulaski. If Data posts something online that Dr. Pulaski finds disagreeable (p), then Dr. Pulaski is thereafter offended (q).

When using this logical form, it’s inferred that premises p and q follow without completing the syllogistic form. Thus, when using a simple modus ponens form, it isn’t necessary to complete the full formulation (i.e., if p, then q; p; therefore, q), because both premises are presumed true.

Given the logic used by Dr. Pulaski in the meme, we now assess whether or not her proposal is reasonable. Is it the case that what Data posts online (p) can actually cause Dr. Pulaski to be offended (q)? To adequately explore the answer to this question, I’ll use the ABC model.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This process is known as self-disturbance.

Bear in mind that from a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

As an example, if Data shot Dr. Pulaski with a phaser (Action), then she may be stunned unconscious (Consequence). In the Star Trek universe, from an A-C perspective, stuns from a direct energy weapon could render an individual unconscious.

Yet, from a B-C outlook, when Data posts something online that Dr. Pulaski finds disagreeable (Action) and she Believes, “Data is a worthless jerk who I can’t stand, because his horrible rhetoric shouldn’t be shared with everyone else,” then she becomes offended (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Presuming you understand the unfavorable process of self-disturbance that causes one to become offended, then you might realize how alienating REBT may seem to others. Those clients of mine who remain familiar with both Data and Spock have remarked about this very matter.

Unhelpfully, people who don’t practice the ABC model may misperceive an REBT practitioner’s lack of self-disturbance as akin to an android or alien when scripts relating to guilt and shame are used with no effect. After all, un-disturbance is a major goal of REBT.

In the Star Trek meme, when Data is “unconcerned”—as I maintain he recommendatorily should be—Dr. Pulaski responds, “But you have to listen to me.” Thus, she apparently maintains that Data absolutely must listen to her and concern himself with her self-disturbed offended outcome.

Nonsense! Productively, Data responds, “No. I do not.” That is correct! At that, Dr. Pulaski ostensibly attempts to validate her self-disturbed disposition by replying, “But I feel like my voice has to be heard!”

On the topic of feelings, I often find it valuable to clarify what this element represents in regard to the construct of beliefs. This is because people generally misuse this term – as is the case for Dr. Pulaski in the Star Trek meme.

A “feeling” relates to either: 1. Emotion (i.e., joy, fear, anger, sorrow, disgust, surprise, etc.) or 2. Sensation (e.g., tightened or stiffened jaw). If the word “feel” (or any derivative thereof) can be replaced with “hunch,” “thought,” or “belief” (or any derivative thereof), it’s not a feeling.

Thus, it’s improper to say something along the lines of “I feel like my voice has to be heard,” because what one typically intends on communicating is “I believe my voice has to be heard!” Noteworthy, there’s a foundation for quibbling with this sort of misuse.

In REBT, unfavorable beliefs which cause unpleasant consequences are rigorously challenged. However, feelings (i.e., emotions and sensations) aren’t confronted. Thus, proper use of feelings-based language affords a person the opportunity to examine the logic and reason one uses.

Helpfully, Data was far beyond the learning curve in the Star Trek meme. When Dr. Pulaski communicated her disputable belief about having her voice heard, the android merely replied, “That is unfortunate.” He wasn’t going to self-disturb regarding her self-entitled perspective.

To the Dr. Pulaskis of the world, the inability to upset others when self-disturbed can result in meta-emotional problems. Further logical, though unreasonable, syllogistic forms are used which then create more B-C chains of self-disturbance, as there’s no shortage of these events online.

The Reddit post on which I discovered the Star Trek meme referred to this unfortunate process as “putting too much weight in [strangers’] opinions.” I think that’s an accurate description. Now that you likely understand the ABC model, you don’t have to be like Dr. Pulaski from the meme.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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