Self-Disturbed About a Lack of Readership

[DISCLAIMER]

Dating back to the days of MySpace, I’ve enjoyed posting written content for readership (the mass or a particular group of readers). I continued this practice on Facebook and Instagram, until I eventually left active engagement with social media behind altogether.

Upon the insistence of a friend who told me the world may benefit from my perspective on mental, emotional, and behavioral health, I began frequently contributing to the blog on my professional website. When doing so, I sent links associated with my progress to many people.

Friends who told me they were curious about my outlook, clients who expressed a desire to enrich their clinical experience, and even strangers who I thought may benefit from what I wrote were included in my sharing of free content. Yet, very few individuals actually read my work.

Not deterred, I now take an inactive approach to social media sites in the interest of daily practice for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Observing how others self-disturb, I’m able to hone my skills as a life coach and psychotherapist, writing about my findings.

I do this regarding two main tools. First, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

As an example, not many people read what I write (Action). It would be easy to then Believe, “People should pay attention to what I write, and it’s horrible that they don’t, because I can’t stand altogether useless individuals who forego a chance to read what I have on my mind!”

If I maintained such an unfavorable opinion, I imagine that I’d be angry (Consequence). Even if not experiencing outright disturbance, I could endure distress by being frustrated, annoyed, or disappointed when people choose not to read what I consider helpful blogposts on my website.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Admittedly, I once experienced healthy distress versus unhealthy disturbance regarding the people in my inner circle who’ve chosen not to read the content of my blog. Yet, I eliminated that distress using another technique offered by my preferred psychotherapeutic modality.

The second main tool of REBT is the method of unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Using USA, I acknowledge my limited control and influence. While I may try to influence people to read my blog, I can’t force them to do so – nor would I want to if I could. Thus, I can control only my response to a lack of readership.

Using UOA, I realize that fallible human beings say things like, “Oh, I can’t wait to read what you wrote,” while neglecting to follow through. Regardless of whether or not these individuals actually intend on reading my writing is irrelevant, because I’m not entitled to their attention.

Using ULA, I recognize the impermanence and uncertainty of life. As I will impeccably die one day, I’m at peace in this moment knowing that some people in my inner circle may weep and gnash their teeth in self-disturbed anguish after not having paid more attention while I was alive.

Through use of both the ABC model and UA, I’m not self-disturbed about a lack of readership. In fact, I’m not even distressed about this matter. Nonetheless, I recently discovered a Reddit post regarding a Redditor who unfavorably self-disturbed about a similar issue. The person says:

Photo credit, fair use

Before I even finished my book I knew that very few friends/family would read it. I was warned about this so I was prepared.

But I didn’t expect only my brother to read it (he’s an avid reader who has read just about every book in existence). He’ll literally read the most random stuff. Any genre. He’s the only one who messaged me to tell me he read it and what he liked.

I think about 40 people said they wanted to and were going to read it. I gave about 5 people hard copies for free. My parents didn’t read it, none of my friends, not even my partner read it. I get it, they’re not readers, but come on!

This is my rant. I just can’t complain to anyone else about it because I don’t want to make them feel guilty.

If I worked with this individual in a clinical setting, there are a number of matters I’d address. First, given the belief-consequence connection posited by the ABC model, you can’t make other people “feel guilty.” You simply aren’t that powerful. They disturb themselves with beliefs.

Second, if people choose not to bring you flowers while you’re still alive to smell them (i.e., opting to bring metaphorical flowers to a gravesite rather than paying attention while you’re still among the living), then so what? You’re clearly self-disturbed about a lack of readership. Why?

Stating things such as “I get it, they’re not readers, but come on” leads me to suspect that you don’t actually “get it” – that is, you don’t unconditionally accept that others don’t care enough, have enough time, or maintain the desire or ability to read your writing. And?

Third, you mentioned, “I was warned about this so I was prepared,” as I imagine that your preparation was somewhat ineffective. Therefore, I invite you to use REBT as a method of un-disturbing yourself. In this way, you write for you – not for others.

Last, one Redditor commented in your thread, “Easy to say yes, hard to follow through. Don’t take it personally.” This is precisely how UA functions. Even if it is a personal matter for those who’ve chosen not to read your book, you can let it go through use of REBT techniques.

If others are proverbially cast into a blazing furnace, weeping and gnashing their teeth for not having read your work when you were still alive, then that’s on them. In the interim, you don’t have to agonize in a Hell of your own making with prescriptive beliefs that have consequences.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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