Spend Each Day as if It Were Your Last, as a Matter of Ethos

[DISCLAIMER]

Because of his religious beliefs, my dad saw fit to teach me about death before I ever attended school. Then, as my late mom maintained physical custody of me, subjecting me to frequent traumatic events, it was in second grade that I first wanted to die.

At that time, she taught me how to effectively commit suicide. Having studied nursing for a period of time, my mom apparently learned which way to cut one’s wrists, how deep to go, in what environment, and under which conditions would increase lethality of a suicide attempt.

She’d frequently expressed lamentation for not having aborted me, as I now suspect my mom had hopeful anticipation that I’d stop my existence from continuing on any further, as she was ostensibly too cowardly than to have taken matters into her own hands.

By seventh grade, I offered to relieve my mom of her life. Thereafter, I was sent to live in a children’s home, not to return to residing with my mom. At this point, you may wonder what any of this has to do with mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”).

When providing care for mental health, I sometimes encounter homicidal and suicidal ideation (the process of forming ideas and images). More often, my clients report regular experiences with death (the permanent cessation of physical and mental processes in an organism).

Whether client X expresses homicidal ideation, client Y admits suicidal ideation, or client Z discusses the death of a loved one, my professional approach to mental health often regards the end of one’s existence. Herein, I’ve shared personal anecdotes of my lived existence with dying.

Now, I’m not unfamiliar with the occasional client, who was misinformed by others about mental health care, attempting to indulge escapism or avoidance concerning death. Yet, I’m not a puppies, rainbows, sprinkles, and glitter type of mental health provider. I use a realist approach.

For instance, consider a line contained on the song “One Day” by group UGK (lyricist Bun B and the late rapper Pimp C), on the album Ridin’ Dirty (1996), featuring Ronnie Spencer and Mr. 3-2, and containing a sample of “Ain’t I Been Good to You” (1974) by the Isley Brothers.

As the sample from the Isley Brothers states, “One day you’re here, baby, and then you’re gone,” Mr. 3-2 expresses, “My mama’s only son, but I live every day like it’s my motherfuckin’ last one!” That’s precisely how I live. For now, forgive me one last personal anecdote.

In 2008, I underwent a surgical procedure requiring administration of Versed and Valium. Prior to surgery, while under effects of the latter, my friend took the above photo of me. One may view the picture and presume that I was smiling as a result of the anxiolytic.

However, I’d wanted to die for 23 years by the time that photo was taken. Therefore, I remained indifferent about the possibility of complications with anesthesia which could’ve resulted in my death. I’m my late mama’s only son, as I live every day like it’s my motherfuckin’ last one!

Although I don’t necessarily encourage the clients with whom I work to adopt a similarly irreverent communication style as I, they are invited to spend each day as if it were their last. Now, I contemplate this matter further when reading a book.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Stoic philosopher and Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, who stated, “This is the mark of perfection of character—to spend each day as if it were your last, without frenzy, laziness, or any pretending” (page 377). I argue that you cannot perfect the imperfectible.

Regarding this matter authors of The Daily Stoic clarify, “The Stoics didn’t think that anyone could be perfect. The idea of becoming a sage—the highest aspiration of a philosopher—wasn’t realistic. This was just their Platonic ideal” (page 377).

Subjectively speaking, using a realist approach to mental health, it’s a matter of puppy play, rainbow amazement, sprinkle explosions, and glittery illusion to promote the idea of perfection from imperfectible beings. It’s nonsense! Yet, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 377):

Still, they started every day hoping to get a little closer to that mark. There was much to gain in the trying. Can you actually live today like it is your last day?

Is it even possible to embody completeness or perfection in our ethos (character), effortlessly doing the right thing for a full twenty-four hours? Is it possible for more than a minute? Maybe not. But if trying was enough for the Stoics, it should be enough for us too.

You’re gonna motherfuckin’ die one day! Albeit an admittedly vulgar way of putting things, at least I’m not nonsensically encouraging you to aim for perfection. That sort of absurdity, peddled by ancient and modern Stoics, is one reason I’m glad that I’m nearing an end of The Daily Stoic.

At any rate, the American Psychological Association defines ethos as “the distinctive character or spirit of an individual, group, culture, nation, or period, as revealed particularly in its attitudes and values. See also Ortgeist; Zeitgeist.” Herein, I’ll continue my realist approach to this topic.

For instance, regarding ethos, one source adds, “The Greeks also used this word to refer to the power of music to influence emotions, behaviors, and even morals.” Rather than appealing to “perfection” or one’s “spirit,” consider that I’ve used ethos in relation to music herein.

Specifically, I referenced “One Day” by UGK as a matter of attempting to influence your perspective on the finite nature of organic life. In particular, “One day you’re here, baby, and then you’re gone,” and, “I live every day like it’s my motherfuckin’ last one!”

Now, will you spend each day as if it were your last, as a matter of ethos, which I’ve addressed in this blogpost? As I laid in what could’ve been my deathbed in 2008, I smiled. That’s because I spend each day as if it’s my last. Are you able to say the same? If not, what can you do about it?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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