Stay in Your Lane: If You Don’t Feel Too Well, Then Tune Out With Indifference

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Now, consider that on his debut commercial mixtape Misunderstood (2019), the late rapper JayDaYoungan released the song “Survive”, in which he said, “We gon’ come bust your fuckin’ brain, so, pussy boy, stay in your lane.” In July 2022, he was fatally shot by multiple assailants.

Noteworthy, I stated on Stay In Yo’ Lane, “For context, one source describes the phrase ‘stay in your lane’ by stating that it means “mind your own business; keep moving straight ahead and don’t veer over into my personal affairs.” Four years ago, JayDaYoungan’s lane was crossed.

Aside from severe circumstances, such as multiple assailants crossing into an individual’s proverbial lane and committing murder, I invite you to contemplate how unexpected lane switching may apply in other contexts (e.g., steering into heated sociopolitical conversations).

Now, consider that on his fourth commercial mixtape A Love Letter to You 4 (2019), rapper Trippie Redd released the track “Sickening”, featuring rapper Tory Lanez, and on which the chorus states, “Mama hit my phone, say she worried ‘bout my health, yeah. I don’t feel too well.”

On the topic of feelings, I clarify what this element represents in regard to the construct of beliefs. As REBT incorporates constructivism and postmodernism into this psychotherapeutic modality, emphasis on proper use of “feelings” relates to the validity of one’s propositions.

For context, the American Psychological Association (APA) defines validity as “the characteristic of being founded on truth, accuracy, fact, or law,” and defines a proposition as “anything that can be asserted or denied and that is capable of being either true or false.”

Now, a “feeling” is either: 1. emotion (i.e., joy, fear, anger, sadness, disgust, surprise, etc.) or 2. sensation (e.g., tightened or stiffened jaw). If the word “feel” (or any derivative thereof) can be replaced with “hunch,” “thought,” or “belief” (or any derivative thereof), it’s not a feeling.

Thus, it’s invalid to say something like “It feels like you’re being pedantic,” because what one intends on communicating is “It seems [gives the impression of being] as though you’re being pedantic.” Noteworthy, there’s a foundation for quibbling with this sort of word misuse.

On “Sickening”, Trippie Redd sings “I don’t feel too well,” which is proper use of feelings-based language. Still, how un-well he emotionally or sensationally is remains unknown. For instance, sadness (i.e., emotion) and heaviness throughout the body (i.e., sensations) may not feel too well.

Likewise, REBT uses a technique that demonstrates how one may become sad and endure heaviness throughout one’s body when one doesn’t stay in one’s own lane. Now, in consideration of JayDaYoungan’s and Trippie Redd’s music, I invite you to learn about this tool.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

From an A-C view, JayDaYoungan was shot (Action) and thereafter he died (Consequence). When learning of his murder, hypothetical fan X may’ve endured sadness and heaviness throughout one’s body (Consequence). Still, the B-C connection is responsible for this outcome.

Fan X learns of JaDaYoungan’s murder (Action), Believes, “Whoever did this is worthless [G], as this can’t be tolerated [L], because it’s horrible [A], and they should’ve stayed in their lane [D],” and then says, “I don’t feel too well” when feeling sad and heaviness (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Given the ABC model framing of self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that authors of The Daily Stoic quote Marcus Aurelius, who stated, “How satisfying it is to dismiss and block out any upsetting or foreign impression, and immediately to have peace in all things” (page 358).

When discussing the B-C connection with client X, I shared a perspective similar to Aurelius’ point of view. “I don’t often tell some clients about the three options they may anticipate when using reasoned choice,” I said, “as I suspect that you may benefit by knowing these outcomes.”

For clarity, I don’t typically share these choices, because I’ve discovered that most clients with whom I work reject the third option. It’s a hard sell! “You can experience negative and unhealthy self-disturbance, negative and healthy self-distress, or healthy indifference,” I informed client X.

The latter constitutes a form of tuning out (to become unresponsive to, as in dissociating oneself from what is happening or one’s surroundings). Within the field of mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), dissociation has a specific meaning.

Notably, the APA defines dissociation as “a defense mechanism in which conflicting impulses are kept apart or threatening ideas and feelings are separated from the rest of the psyche.” Colloquially, to dissociate merely means to separate from association or union with another.

To tune out is to separate. Indifference is the quality, state, or fact of being indifferent (marked by a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern for something), as in the absence of compulsion to or toward one thing or another, or a lack of difference or distinction between two or more things.

Provided this clarity, I rarely introduce to clients the option of indifference, as I’ve learned that most people with whom I work in a professional capacity conflate the mental health definition of dissociation with how dissociate is used in common parlance. Thus, the latter is often rejected.

Nonetheless, in my personal capacity, I strive for a state of healthy indifference by tuning out with most matters. In this regard, I try to stay in my lane as much as possible. Concerning this practice in Stoicism, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 358):

The Stoics were mercifully spared the information overload endemic to today’s society. They had no social media, no newspapers, no television chatter to rile them up. But even back then, an undisciplined person would have found plenty to be distracted and upset by.

Presuming that you comprehend the distinction between the A-C and B-C connections, then you likely understand that social media, news, and content from other sources of information doesn’t cause self-upset. Still, authors of The Daily Stoic endorse the A-C view by stating (page 358):

Part of the Stoic mindset then was a sort of a cultivated ignorance [lack of knowledge, education, or awareness]. Publilius Syrus’s epigram expresses it well: “Always shun that which makes you angry.” Meaning: turn your mind away from the things that provoke it.

If you find that discussing politics at the dinner table leads to fighting, why do you keep bringing it up? If your sibling’s life choices bother you, why don’t you stop picking at them and making them your concern? The same goes for so many other sources of aggravation.

It’s disempowering, not empowering, to maintain that A-C connections are the source of one’s self-distress or self-disturbance. One may as well adopt victim mentality, because virtually anyone and everything one may encounter thus has the potential of causing self-upset.

I wholly reject this framing. All the same, I stated in Breaking Silence, “I’m able to keep from proffering an opinion. Regarding my blog, I suspect that approximately 85% of the subjects about which I’d like to talk are left unsaid.” This Stoic practice is done with intention.

Although I know that a B-C connection can cause self-distress and self-disturbance, I often choose to stay in my lane. This is done in the interest of indifference by tuning out. Of this helpful strategy, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 358):

It’s not a sign of weakness to shut them out. Instead, it’s a sign of strong will. Try saying: “I know the reaction I typically take in these situations, and I’m not going to do it this time.” And then follow it with: “I’m also going to remove this stimulus from my life in the future as well.” Because what follows is peace and serenity.

If I were to hazard a guess, offering input regarding this past year, I’ve likely unhealthily self-disturbed approximately 25% of the time, healthily self-distressed for about 65% of occasions, and been able to achieve healthy indifference for the remaining 10% of undesirable events.

That’s a notably different outcome from the maladaptive emotions and behavior I endured prior to learning of REBT. Now, suppose you’ve discovered that a professional practitioner of REBT has experienced disturbance for a quarter of the time since 2025, and you judge me harshly.

For this hypothetical instance, I’ll note that REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Regarding my circle of control and USA, I admit that I’m a fallible human being. I’ve been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder, major depressive disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, and traumatic brain injury, as I’m doing what I can to remain sane.

Concerning my circle of influence and UOA, I acknowledge that other flawed individuals may believe that people with psychological and neurological disorders preferably shouldn’t professionally practice in the field of mental health, as these people are entitled to their opinions.

Related to my circle of concern and ULA, I recognize that in this impermanent and uncertain life there are plenty of lanes into which I may enter, though when I don’t feel too well from use of B-C connections, perhaps willfully foregoing indifference, I’ll endue distress and disturbance.

As for the area of no concern, an imaginary realm in which nothing disagreeable ever occurs and no one has diagnoses of any form, I take a Mean Girls (2004) approach to such absurdity by reminding myself that this irrational possibility “doesn’t even go here,” so I remain unconcerned.

In closing, I invite you to consider an approach to rational living by which you stay in your lane. Also, if you don’t feel too well, then tune out with indifference. It’s a hard sell, I understand! Even so, if I’m able to do it at least 10% of the time, given my disabilities, I suspect you can, too.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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Hollings, D. (2024, July 20). Perspective shift. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/perspective-shift

Hollings, D. (2026, June 15). Point of view. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/point-of-view

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Preferential should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/preferential-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2025, May 11). Proper education. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/proper-education

Hollings, D. (2023, February 4). Provocation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/provocation

Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities

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Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, May 15). Rational living. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-living

Hollings, D. (2025, August 13). Rational versus irrational thoughts and beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-versus-irrational-thoughts-and-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Rational vs. irrational. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-vs-irrational

Hollings, D. (2026, July 24). Reasoned choice and prohairesis: Criticism and praise cannot affect you. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/reasoned-choice-and-prohairesis-criticism-and-praise-cannot-affect-you

Hollings, D. (2024, March 14). REBT and emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-and-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, July 18). REBT flexibility. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-flexibility

Hollings, D. (2024, January 20). Reliability vs. validity. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/reliability-vs-validity

Hollings, D. (2023, February 17). Revisiting the circle of control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/revisiting-the-circle-of-control

Hollings, D. (2024, June 3). Rigid stimulus control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-stimulus-control

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2025, January 15). Satisfaction. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/satisfaction

Hollings, D. (2025, October 9). Self-awareness, self-examination, and self-determination. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-awareness-self-examination-and-self-determination

Hollings, D. (2026, July 7). Self-distress and distress tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-distress-and-distress-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2026, April 21). Self-upset. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-upset

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation

Hollings, D. (2025, April 4). Serenity now. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/serenity-now

Hollings, D. (2024, March 24). Smartphone and social media addiction. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/smartphone-and-social-media-addiction

Hollings, D. (2026, July 3). Spun by absurdity. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/spun-by-absurdity

Hollings, D. (2026, February 23). Stay in yo’ lane. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stay-in-yo-lane

Hollings, D. (2026, February 25). Stoic joy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoic-joy

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Stoicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoicism

Hollings, D. (2024, February 27). Suffering, struggling, and battling vs. experiencing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/suffering-struggling-and-battling-vs-experiencing

Hollings, D. (2025, October 19). Surprise and embarrassment. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/surprise-and-embarrassment

Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2025, October 22). The construct. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-construct

Hollings, D. (2022, November 2). The critical A. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-critical-a

Hollings, D. (2025, January 2). The distinction between law and justice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-distinction-between-law-and-justice

Hollings, D. (2026, June 22). The secret is to win: The only sane response to tyranny. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-secret-is-to-win-the-only-sane-response-to-tyranny

Hollings, D. (2026, May 15). The speed of thoughts and beliefs: Flipping the bird. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-speed-of-thoughts-and-beliefs-flipping-the-bird

Hollings, D. (2026, April 23). The three traditionally identified components of the mind: Affect, cognition, and conation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-three-traditionally-identified-components-of-the-mind-affect-cognition-and-conation

Hollings, D. (2025, April 15). This cake smells unpleasant. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/this-cake-smells-unpleasant

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2024, March 18). Unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhealthy-vs-healthy-negative-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, October 26). Unhelpful expectations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhelpful-expectations

Hollings, D. (2024, September 29). Well, well, well. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/well-well-well

Hollings, D. (2026, April 30). Willfully stuck: I’m stuck in my ways. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/willfully-stuck-i-m-stuck-in-my-ways

Hollings, D. (2026, March 8). You are not your beliefs or ideas. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-are-not-your-beliefs-or-ideas

Hollings, D. (2026, March 26). You’ll have suffered twice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-ll-have-suffered-twice

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