You Need to Stop

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

Although still serving as a form of prescription rather than description, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs doesn’t necessarily cause self-upset. Here, rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” self-disturbing philosophies of life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

On his second studio album Purple World (2002) the late Houston rap legend Big Moe released the song “Cash” which featured the late Port Arthur rap legend Pimp C (one half of the hip hop duo Underground Kingz [UGK]) and D-Reck. On his verse, Pimp C stated:

Say, bitch, you need to stop, you need to sell some cock

You need to get off them rocks, and get on private stocks (Stocks)

I’m talking ‘bout they cousin, coming through bitches buzzing

Drinking on Hennessey (Hennessey), bitch, you don’t know Pimp C

UGK on the slab, coming through, whipping ass

I whip it up in the lab, and put it out, like it’s dark around

The rapper uses three instances regarding a derivative of demandingness (i.e., “you need to”) which may either be flexible or inflexible, depending on context. Herein, I’ll focus on the first usage in Pimp C’s verse. He states, “Say, bitch, you need to stop.”

Healthy or flexible use of this phrase depends on what action is being recommendatorily advised. As an example, suppose Pimp C was informing a person that one needed to stop self-harming when the individual insisted upon continually sticking metal objects into an electrical outlet.

That’s a reasonable recommendation. Alternatively, if the rapper unhealthily or inflexibly declared that one absolutistically needed to stop disrespecting Pimp C, what may then result if or when the person continued behaving in a disrespectful manner?

Pimp C may demand, “You need to stop,” inferring that the person absolutely must stop. The individual may then respond, “I’ll do what the fuck I want!” Then what? I imagine that the rapper would thus self-disturb into a fit of rage, responding in an unreasonable manner.

Ergo, how one uses the phrase “you need to […]” depends on context. Given that neither Big Moe nor Pimp C is alive to provide such background, I recommend that you don’t need to stop understanding the healthy versus unhealthy distinctions of demandingness while you’re still here.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, photographer: Marco Torres, artists: Lee Washington and Cease Martinez, fair use

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