You're a Volunteer for That Ride, Not a Victim, Sucka

[DISCLAIMER]

On the album Ascended Masters (2020), by rappers Checkmait and Mark Deez, is the track “Sublime”. In part, lyrics state, “You’re always on my mind. I think about you all the time. Your beauty’s so sublime. I’m yours. You’re mine,” as the song describes someone who’s in love.

In my youth and early adulthood, someone with that mindset was known as a “sucka” (or “succa” for people using terminology of the Crips). One source thusly describes this term, “A nigga that is sprung on his girl, but ain’t gettin’ none, [and] chooses his girl ova his homies.”

A separate source thusly offers an alternative description of this phrase, “A person who is being used, scammed, or tricked by someone else.” On “Sublime”, the rappers express love for their respective intimate partners. Yet, the corresponding romantic interests remain disinterested.

Addressing such a case, known as “sucka shit,” one source thusly describes this term, “Anything that is not acceptable or violates the G code. This includes snitching, switching up on your true homies, backstabbing, acting funny, hating, gossiping or any other dishonorable fake shit.”

Unfavorably, I used to engage in sucka shit. Before I expand upon this matter, context regarding the “G code” that was referenced by the aforementioned source may be necessary. According to one source, this phrase relates to:

The unwritten rules of the street. No snitchin’, no testifying, no cooperation with law enforcement, no letting anybody punk you, show respect to earn respect, no disrespecting of the game, no hating, mind your business, hold your own, accept the consequences of your crimes, remain loyal and true, money over bitches.

After introduced to members of the Crips in fifth grade, keeping gang contacts through my senior year of high school, I largely abided by the G code. This was with one exception, as it regarded the “money over bitches” aspect. Therefore, I was often teased for engaging in succa shit.

For instance, several years after high school, I was assigned to a Marine Security Guard post in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil. At that time, I had a girlfriend who I showered with affection and gifts. As an example, I used to rent hotel rooms and draw baths which were peppered with rose petals.

We’d slow dance, order room service, and engage in other adult activities. That was until I discovered she took me for a sucka by faking results of a pregnancy test. She presumed I didn’t know Brasilian Portuguese well enough to read a physician’s note. Yet, her belief was wrong.

Regarding my discovery of her betrayal, I’ll illustrate a psychoeducational lesson on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) for your benefit. Bear in mind that back then I didn’t practice personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for my reactions.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and one Believes an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s one’s unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as self-disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use when upsetting themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance (LFT), awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

For example, my girlfriend in Rio betrayed my trust (Action) and I Believed, “She’s bad [G], and I can’t abide this [L]. It’s terrible that she tried to trap me [A], because girlfriends shouldn’t betray their boyfriends [D].” Using these unfavorable scripts, I became upset (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

As I knew nothing about REBT when in Rio, I self-disturbed with unaccommodating beliefs which validated the unhelpful narrative of sucka shit about which I’d been warned for years. Thereafter, I used even more unproductive beliefs to further disturb myself.

Those additional personal philosophies of life allowed me to determine that I was a victim. According to the American Psychological Association, a victim is defined as “an individual who is the target of another person’s violent, discriminatory, harassing, or assaultive behaviors.”

Nothing – I mean not a thing – that my Rio girlfriend did warranted the self-ascribed belief of my supposed victimhood. She merely abused my trust, though she didn’t abuse me. In actuality, I’m not my beliefs, so I wasn’t victimized. Regarding a victim mentality, one source states:

Victim mentality, victim complex or victimese is a psychological concept referring to a mindset in which a person, or group of people, tends to recognize or consider themselves a victim of the actions of others.

The term is also used in reference to the tendency for blaming one’s misfortunes on somebody else’s misdeeds, which is also referred to as victimism. It can develop as a defense mechanism to cope with negative life events.

In Who Is the One to Blame?, I stated, “Personally, empowerment through taking personal ownership for my reaction to undesirable events is more useful than irrationally blaming other people, places, things, or otherwise for the occurrence of these dis-pleasurable circumstances.”

I invite you to consider that from a psychological standpoint people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

For instance, engaging in sexual activity (Action) could lead to missing one or more menstrual periods (Consequence). From an A-C perspective, in the natural world, sexually active women sometimes experience amenorrhea (the absence of menstruation).

Nevertheless, my Rio girlfriend’s amenorrhea and subsequent deception (Action) didn’t cause my upset disposition (Consequence). Rather, from a B-C outlook, my unhelpful Beliefs are what led to the unpleasant Consequence. In essence, I made a sucka of myself!

Moreover, when I made the decision to remain with my girlfriend following the betrayal, I was a volunteer for that ride and wherever it went thereafter. However, I wasn’t a victim! When further contemplating this matter, another hip hop song comes to mind.

On his album Sadism (2018), the rapper Z-Ro released the song “Succa Shit” on which he stated, “Cant stand y’all niggas, can’t stand y’all bitches no mo’. Once you fuck over me, I never ever forgive ya. I’m not fuckin’ wit’ ya no mo’,” and, “I ain’t with none of this succa shit.”

In the cited lyrics, Z-Ro used LFT narratives (i.e., can’t stand y’all). Rather than similarly playing the role of victim, which is some sucka shit, I eventually learned to use high frustration tolerance (HFT). From this perspective, a person learns to practice tolerance and acceptance.

Noteworthy, in Must You Tolerate Abuse? I made a case for one’s ability to practice HFT by remaining in undesirable relationships. Still, I advocated personal ownership for one’s own reactions whereby it isn’t as though one absolutely must remain with people who behave poorly.

Whether or not you’re abused in a relationship, I invite you to take personal ownership of your reactions. If you stay with someone who betrays your trust or abuses you, you’re a volunteer for that ride, not a victim, sucka. Own it! As for me, I ain’t with none of this succa shit anymore.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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