Don't Make

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

Although still serving as a form of prescription rather than description, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs doesn’t necessarily cause self-upset. Here, rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” self-disturbing philosophies of life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

On their sixth studio album Living Legends (2004), hip hop duo 8Ball & MJG dropped the song “Don’t Make” which was produced by Bangladesh. The chorus states:

Don’t make (Don’t make)

Me kill (Me kill)

No muthafuckin’ body in here (In here)

I’mma shoot (I’mma shoot)

Three shots (Three shots)

Somebody done made me hot (Me hot)

[x2]

Through the lens of the ABC model, suppose someone said to the hip hop duo something that was disagreeable. Does the statement (Action) cause the duo to become hot (i.e., angry; Consequence)? Might it be the case that what the duo Believes is what causes the Consequence?

From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

For instance, someone says something disagreeable to 8Ball & MJG (Action) and the duo Believe, “When a worthless person [G] says something I can’t stand [L] it’s terrible [A], because people must respect me [D]!” This GLAD narrative causes anger (Consequence).

That’s the B-C connection at play. Unfavorably, it isn’t uncommon for people to use additional self-disturbing narratives after using initial self-aroused personal philosophies of life. These unhelpful attitudes may be communicated to others before, during, and/or after behaving poorly.

Imagine that after self-upsetting into an angry disposition (Action), 8Ball & MJG then Believe and state, “Don’t make me kill no muthafuckin’ body in here! In fact, I’mma shoot three shots, because somebody done made me hot!” They then discharge firearms (Consequence).

Striking the person who initially said something that the hip hop duo deemed disagreeable (Action), bullets impact vital organs and the individual dies immediately (Consequence). That’s the A-C connection at play.

In this scenario, the disagreeable statement wasn’t a trigger for resulting action (pardon the pun). Already self-disturbed by a GLAD narrative, an additional demandingness Belief was used: don’t make. This narrative necessarily infers that one mustn’t make another hot (i.e., angry).

Think about it. If I say to you, “Don’t make me punch you in the face,” I’m rigidly communicating that you mustn’t play a role in my B-C self-disturbance. Or if you say to me, “Don’t make me call the police on you,” you’re flexibly saying that you should contact help.

To be clear, except under exceedingly rare circumstances (e.g., a literal gun is pointed at your head), people can’t make you do much of anything. Mostly, you make yourself believe, feel, and behave in various ways. Ultimately, you control how you react – not others.

Understanding that inflexible versus flexible use of a “don’t make” narratives depends on what’s being communicated to oneself or others, you likely comprehend a finer point of the ABC model. Now, don’t make (don’t make) me drone on anymore herein. I think you get it.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

8Ball & MJG – Topic. (2014, November 8). Don’t Make [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/VrH5inem1iE?si=UYDRuhHulZPBOAc5

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Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude

Hollings, D. (2025, August 2). My philosophy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-philosophy

Hollings, D. (2025, September 8). Need to know. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/need-to-know

Hollings, D. (2024, June 2). Nonadaptive behavior. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/nonadaptive-behavior

Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

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Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation

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Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

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Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection

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