Empathy vs. Rational Compassion

[DISCLAIMER]

I view many events through the proverbial lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), as I’ll provide a psychoeducational lesson that involves thinking and believing which is rational (in accordance with both logic and reason), or not (i.e., irrational), as it regards REBT herein.

Here, “logic” is the interrelation or sequence of facts or events when seen as inevitable or predictable, and “reason” is a statement offered in explanation or justification. For instance, a modus ponens syllogism uses the following logical form: If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

Before I provide an example, it may be useful to know that one source states, “A theory is, in general, any hypothesis or set of ideas about something, formed in any number of ways through any sort of reasoning for any sort of reason.” Colloquially, a “theory” alludes to a mere belief.

If every theory in which I believe possibly could be true or real (p), then every theory in which I believe empirically must be true or real (q). Every theory in which I believe possibly could be true or real (p). Therefore, every theory in which I believe empirically must be true or real (q).

This proposition follows logical form; yet I argue that it isn’t reasonable, because what could be isn’t necessarily what is. Thus, I consider this syllogistic belief as that relating to irrationality. Nevertheless, I have little doubt that at least one person on this planet disagrees with my outlook.

Noteworthy, my worldview is subjective (characteristic of or belonging to reality as perceived rather than as independent of mind). Thus, not everyone agrees with what everybody else deems as rational or not. Irrespective of advocacy for equality, not everyone maintains the same views.

For clarity, the American Psychological Association defines subjective as “taking place or existing only within the mind,” and defines objective as “having verifiable existence in the external world, independently of any opinion or judgment.”

Also, a rational perspective for one person may not be considered rational by members of a group. For example, people dedicating themselves to the practice of science may fervently disagree with referring to a mere belief as a “theory.” I agree! Yet, this is my subjective view.

Given this framework, I now invite you to contemplate the concept of rational compassion versus empathy. If asked to describe a meaningful distinction between these two ideas, could you do so without consulting other sources for clarity (i.e., dictionaries, search engines, etc.)?

Even if you believe that you know the difference, I invite you to read this post. As you’ve received my view on what is or isn’t “rational,” it’s worth noting that the APA defines this term as “based on, in accordance with, or justifiable by accepted principles of reasoning or logic.”

Now, suppose I use a modus ponens syllogism regarding empathy (i.e., if p, then q; p; therefore, q). If I literally feel what another person feels (p), then I’m experiencing empathy (q). I literally feel what another person feels (p). Therefore, I’m experiencing empathy (q).

I regard this oft-used description of empathy as unadulterated nonsense! While the claim follows logically, it isn’t reasonable. Specifically, I consider the proposal as an irrational claim, because I see no evidence that people can literally feel what others feel, as feelings are subjective.

For example, you may objectively feel negative and healthy anger (i.e., emotion), as well as throbbing (i.e., sensation), if I punch you in the nose. I may subjectively perceive your feelings. However, this doesn’t mean that I literally feel what you feel. To suggest otherwise is ridiculous!

On the topic of feelings, I find it valuable to clarify what this element represents in regard to the construct of beliefs. This is because people generally misuse the term “feel” (and derivatives thereunto), as I maintain that the words we use matter, especially regarding the ABC model.

A “feeling” relates to either: 1. emotion (i.e., joy, fear, anger, sorrow, disgust, surprise, etc.) or 2. sensation (e.g., tightened or stiffened jaw). If the word “feel” (or any derivative thereof) can be replaced with “hunch,” “thought,” or “belief” (or any derivative thereof), it’s not a feeling.

Thus, it’s improper to say something along the lines of I feel what you feel, because what one typically intends on communicating is It seems [gives the impression of being] as though I know what you feel. Noteworthy, there’s a foundation for quibbling with this sort of misuse.

Using the ABC model, unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant Consequences are rigorously Disputed. Yet, feelings (i.e., emotions and sensations) aren’t challenged. Thus, proper use of feelings language affords a person the opportunity to examine the logic and reason one uses.

Now, it’s also worth noting that the APA defines compassion as “a strong feeling of sympathy with another person’s feelings of sorrow or distress, usually involving a desire to help or comfort that person.” As “sympathy” is used here, it’s worth noting that the APA thusly defines this term:

1. feelings of concern or compassion resulting from an awareness of the suffering or sorrow of another.

2. more generally, a capacity to share in and respond to the concerns or feelings of others. See also empathy.

3. an affinity between individuals on the basis of similar feelings, inclinations, or temperament. —sympathetic adj. —sympathize vb.

This definition ostensibly conflates “sympathy” with “empathy.” During my graduate studies, I was taught that sympathy is expressed by saying that I feel sorry for you and empathy is I feel sorrow with you. Therefore, it may be worth noting that the APA thusly defines empathy:

[U]nderstanding a person from their frame of reference rather than one’s own, or vicariously experiencing that person’s feelings, perceptions, and thoughts. Empathy does not, of itself, entail motivation to be of assistance, although it may turn into sympathy or personal distress, which may result in action.

Suppose I were to use a modus ponens syllogism regarding empathy (i.e., if p, then q; p; therefore, q). If I vicariously experience what another person feels (p), then I’m using empathy (q). I vicariously experience what another person feels (p). Therefore, I’m using empathy (q).

I regard this APA-supported description of empathy as craziness! While the claim follows logically, it isn’t reasonable. Specifically, I consider the proposal as an irrational claim, because I see no evidence that people vicariously experience what others feel, as feelings are subjective.

This is where conflation between sympathy and empathy becomes tricky. Specifically, regarding feelings and in common parlance, “vicarious” is defined as an emotion of sensation experienced or realized through imaginative or sympathetic participation in the experience of another.

For example, if I punch you in the nose and you feel angry while your nose is throbbing, then I can imagine (i.e., form a mental image or concept of) how you feel, as I suspect you’d be in physiological and psychological pain from the act and your beliefs about the undesirable event.

In this way, I meet both attributes of the APA’s definition of empathy (i.e., using your frame of reference, as well as vicariously experiencing—through imagination—your feelings, perceptions, and thoughts). This constitutes sympathy! Nevertheless, Wikipedia states:

Since its introduction into the English language, empathy has had a wide range of (sometimes conflicting) definitions among both researchers and laypeople. Empathy definitions encompass a broad range of phenomena, including caring for other people and having a desire to help them, experiencing emotions that match another person’s, discerning what another person is thinking or feeling, and making less distinct the differences between the self and the other.

Since empathy involves understanding the emotional states of other people, the way it is characterized derives from the way emotions are characterized. For example, if emotions are characterized by bodily feelings, then understanding the bodily feelings of another will be considered central to empathy. On the other hand, if emotions are characterized by a combination of beliefs and desires, then understanding those beliefs and desires will be more essential to empathy.

Paradigmatically, a person exhibits empathy when they communicate an accurate recognition of the significance of another person’s ongoing intentional actions, associated emotional states, and personal characteristics in a manner that seems accurate and tolerable to the recognized person.

This is a nuanced perspective on empathy which assists in the understanding of complex human emotions and interactions. Acknowledging subjective experiences highlights the need for balance and understanding when engaging in empathy.

One’s ability to recognize the bodily feelings or emotions of another is related to one’s imitative capacities, and seems to be grounded in an innate capacity to associate the bodily movements and facial expressions one sees in another with the proprioceptive feelings of producing those corresponding movements or expressions oneself.

This is a convoluted description. On one hand, Wikipedia states that empathy regards “experiencing emotions that match another person’s.” On the other hand, it suggests that empathy concerns understanding, acknowledging, and recognizing subjective experiences.

Again, if I punch you in the nose and you feel anger and throbbing, I see no evidence that I can literally experience what you feel. In this way, empathy fails as a definition. Yet, I can understand, acknowledge, and recognize your subjective experience. That’s called sympathy!

Therefore, the APA and Wikipedia both conflate the definition of sympathy with empathy. Regarding this topic, on October 22, 2022, I stated in a blogpost entitled On Empathy:

It wasn’t until years after my counseling education that I heard psychologist Paul Bloom’s perspective in his book Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion. Bloom essentially, and in a much more effective manner [than I], argued a position I presented to the aforementioned assistant professor [during my graduate studies].

In a video about this topic, Bloom stated:

“The best medical professionals understand their patients, care about their patients, but they don’t feel their pain. And it’s not good for the patient either. If you could forgive me an anecdote, my uncle was ill last year of cancer and we were in Boston—we went to different…I went with him to see different doctors.

And the sort of doctors he got along well with, he liked, were ones not who felt his anxiety, not who mirrored his anxiety, and worry, and stress—but were respectful, and confident, and clear, and honest; somebody who could look, who didn’t echo his suffering but rather responded to it.”

At this point in my career, I’ve had a number of prospective clients reach out for an initial consultation and who request upfront that I not share in their pain. It isn’t uncommon for me to hear something like, “My last therapist cried during a session and it made me feel uncomfortable. I don’t want or need you to cry.”

Imagine bearing the depth of suffering that clings to you like a symbiote [a fictional species of extraterrestrial symbiotic life form]. You don’t think you can share details of trauma with friends or loved ones, perhaps as a means of protecting them from also experiencing pain.

You turn to a professional; someone you hope is clinically capable and emotionally prepared to help you process a trauma narrative. Then, your therapist breaks down in session and cries uncontrollably.

Someone reading this may think, “Yes, that’s exactly what I want. I want someone who is emPATHETIC and who shares my pain.” Wonderful! If you know what you want, I strongly encourage you to seek the services that best suit your needs.

For future clients who value compassion, though not someone who will suffer with you, I value Bloom’s viewpoint. How effective would I be as a psychotherapist when a client reports the inability to get out of bed or bathe for a week, and I mimic the behavior by not presenting to session, because now I’m suffering?

In the video, Bloom continues stating:

“Therapists have to understand their clients and they have to…they have to feel compassion for them. They have to know what they’re going through. But anybody who thinks therapists should actually feel their client’s pain doesn’t understand therapy.

In that, if I go to my shrink and I…and I sit, you know, and I’m really anxious, ‘This book will never sell,’ and I don’t want her to get anxious. I don’t want her to go, ‘Oh my God, we’re in big trouble!’

Then I have two problems, not one. What I want her is…to kind of look at me and say, ‘So, how does that make you feel?’ And, basically have this sort of distance that’s part of any good therapist’s training.”

Expanding upon Bloom’s stance, one psychiatrist assistant professor at Brown University has stated the following:

I agree with Bloom that too much empathy in patient care can be overwhelming and therefore counterproductive. If, while listening to the grieving mother’s raw and unbearable description of her son’s body in the morgue, I were to imagine my own son in his place, I would be incapacitated.

My ability to attend to my patient’s psychiatric needs would be derailed by my own devastating sorrow. Similarly, if I were brought in by ambulance to the trauma bay of my local emergency department and required immediate surgery to save my life, I would not want the trauma surgeon on call to pause to empathize with my pain and suffering.

Outlined herein, the terms empathy and sympathy have different meanings depending on which source one considers. Being charitable to the counseling assistant professor’s perspective, it may be considered a kind, good, or righteous deed to practice empathy with clients.

In this regard, empathy isn’t a feeling like our core emotions (joy, fear, anger, sorrow, and disgust). Rather, it’s an imagined experience with this interpretation then projected onto the person who is suffering.

As one source states, “A sympathetic understanding is an imaginative attempt to sense another’s otherness without purporting to appropriate or own their existential uniqueness.” The operative word is “imaginative.”

In the post On Empathy, I concurred with Bloom’s arguably healthy perspective on the matter of empathy. If I were to literally feel or vicariously experience the emotions and sensations of the clients with whom I work, then I’d be unable to effectively perform my duties as a therapist.

Noteworthy, Bloom describes rational compassion by stating, “We can care about people, want to make their lives better, without putting ourselves in their shoes,” by relating and understanding—not feeling or sharing experiences. This, too, is akin to sympathy!

It involves me listening to and understanding the narrative expressed to me. Next, I rationally process the client’s perceived or imagined experience, using my subjective mental and emotional functions, as I then experience compassion. This is rational compassion, similar to sympathy!

Thus, I concluded in the blog entry entitled On Empathy, “I propose it is necessary for some level of healthy boundary between what a client brings to session and my interpretation of the presenting issue. Therefore, I maintain that rational compassion is my preferred practice.”

Related to this topic, I recently listened to an episode of political commentator Tucker Carlson’s online show in which he interviewed German physician Michael Nehls. During the dialogue, Nehls stated the following:

Curiosity has to be like two sides of a coin. On the one side, you have curiosity. On the other side, you have the psychological resilience. And this coin with these two sides is based neurologically on the function of the production of new nerve cells. So you need new nerve cells to be curious, to have resilience.

Actually, all drugs that are on the market that are against depression have one key feature. They activate the production of new nerve cells in the hippocampus. I’m not saying you have to take them, but this is their function. So they are essentially antidepressants based on the function that they produce in nerve cells in the hippocampus.

And being human, in my opinion, means that you are able to produce these cells, because then you are curious. You are interested in the opinion of other people. You know? You can reflect on the opinion of other people. There’s another feature these cells represent, in my opinion, I outlaid it in my book, is that they confer something.

What I call… not empathy, but the right word is rational compassion. I think that’s the right term, rational compassion. So when we are empathic, you know, we immediately act on something. We see something, we act. This person is suffering, we act.

But rational compassion is more. It’s more like, if I do something, what does it mean for the other person? Maybe people who are not even outside, not inside this room, people outside in other countries. What do my actions do to these people? For this I… empathy is not the right function in our brain.

This is what Kahneman, who got the Nobel Prize, about System 1, System 2, 2002, a psychologist called System 1 is reflex. Empathy is kind of a reflex. But rational compassion is something that requires thinking, thinking about putting yourself into shoes of others, that maybe people you don’t even see, seeing the world out of the eyes from other people.

And all these functions are based on the production of new nerve cells in the hippocampus. So if you shut down the production of new nerve cells in the hippocampus, people lose essentially the ability to be human.

This Carlson episode, posted today (7/3/2026), was something about which I wrote in 2022. In any event, it’s my subjective view that Nehls’ distinction between empathy versus rational compassion is correct. As addressed herein, I learned of this difference from Bloom.

Now, I invite you to consider that sympathy and empathy are ostensibly synonymous terms. Given that even the APA lists “empathy” as a subset form of “sympathy,” one may as well do away with use of the convoluted term that even Wikipedia admits has “conflicting” meanings.

Ultimately, I see zero credible evidence that anyone can literally feel another person’s emotional or sensory experience (i.e., empathy), as suggesting otherwise is absurd! Therefore, rational compassion is arguably a more useful and healthy concept, especially regarding psychotherapy.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, Designed by Magnific, fair use

References:

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Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance

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Hollings, D. (2026, April 26). Negative, but healthy anger and aggression. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/negative-but-healthy-anger-and-aggression

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Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

Hollings, D. (2024, November 18). Opinions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/opinions

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Hollings, D. (2026, March 18). Prejudice vs. discernment: Bias. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/prejudice-vs-discernment-bias

Hollings, D. (2024, May 26). Principles. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/principles

Hollings, D. (2023, November 23). Problems. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/problems

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2025, August 13). Rational versus irrational thoughts and beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-versus-irrational-thoughts-and-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Rational vs. irrational. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-vs-irrational

Hollings, D. (2024, December 5). Reasoning. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/reasoning

Hollings, D. (2024, May 22). Reasoning with the unreasonable. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/reasoning-with-the-unreasonable

Hollings, D. (2024, March 14). REBT and emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-and-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2025, December 31). Sanctum: A focus on irrationality. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sanctum-a-focus-on-irrationality

Hollings, D. (2025, October 9). Self-awareness, self-examination, and self-determination. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-awareness-self-examination-and-self-determination

Hollings, D. (2026, February 25). Self-confidence versus self-esteem: Modest confidence. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-confidence-versus-self-esteem-modest-confidence

Hollings, D. (2026, April 28). Self-motivation: Trying to motivate the unmotivated. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-motivation-trying-to-motivate-the-unmotivated

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation

Hollings, D. (2025, December 24). Some people advocate walking. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/some-people-advocate-walking

Hollings, D. (2026, July 3). Spun by absurdity. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/spun-by-absurdity

Hollings, D. (2024, September 14). Strategic empathy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/strategic-empathy

Hollings, D. (2023, October 17). Syllogism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/syllogism

Hollings, D. (2026, May 19). Sympathy: I belong to the world – An individualist’s view. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sympathy-i-belong-to-the-world-an-individualist-s-view

Hollings, D. (2025, October 22). The construct. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-construct

Hollings, D. (2022, December 14). The is-ought problem. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-is-ought-problem

Hollings, D. (2024, November 14). The logic doesn’t follow. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-logic-doesn-t-follow

Hollings, D. (2026, February 21). The preferences versus expectations paradigm: Love is not enough, though virtue is. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-preferences-versus-expectations-paradigm-love-is-not-enough-though-virtue-is

Hollings, D. (2023, August 6). The science. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-science

Hollings, D. (2026, May 15). The speed of thoughts and beliefs: Flipping the bird. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-speed-of-thoughts-and-beliefs-flipping-the-bird

Hollings, D. (2026, April 23). The three traditionally identified components of the mind: Affect, cognition, and conation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-three-traditionally-identified-components-of-the-mind-affect-cognition-and-conation

Hollings, D. (2025, January 16). The words we use matter. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-words-we-use-matter

Hollings, D. (2024, February 6). This ride inevitably ends. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/this-ride-inevitably-ends

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, April 18). Tolerable FAD. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tolerable-fad

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2026, March 14). Trolley problem: Distress or disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/trolley-problem-distress-or-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2025, February 9). Value. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/value

Hollings, D. (2026, April 24). Virtues of fortitude and resilience. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/virtues-of-fortitude-and-resilience

Hollings, D. (2023, May 3). Want vs. need. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/want-vs-need

Hollings, D. (2026, May 26). We aren’t all the same. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/we-aren-t-all-the-same

Hollings, D. (2024, July 3). What equality? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/what-equality

Hollings, D. (2023, October 10). When others don’t share your worldview. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/when-others-don-t-share-your-worldview

Hollings, D. (2026, March 22). Worry: Would It Help? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/worry-would-it-help

Hollings, D. (2026, March 8). You are not your beliefs or ideas. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-are-not-your-beliefs-or-ideas

Hollings, D. (2026, March 26). You’ll have suffered twice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-ll-have-suffered-twice

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