I Gotta Face It, ‘Cause I Know I’m Living Through It
When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.
For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.
It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.
An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.
Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.
While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.
Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.
Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.
Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.
For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.
On the second studio album, The Minstrel Show (2005), by collective Little Brother (lyricists Ponte and Big Pooh, and producer 9th Wonder), is the song “Slow It Down” which features a sample of the late David Ruffin’s song “Slow Dance”, from his album Gentleman Ruffin (1980).
On his verse, Phonte expresses a flexible demandingness derivative through use of the word “gotta,” which is akin to malleably stating that something preferably should or recommendatorily ought to occur. For your review, I thusly submit Phonte’s entire verse:
Sometimes, I think I’m from another world
When I’m trynna tell a woman just exactly where I stand
That I want a girl, when I want a girl
And when I don’t want a girl
I want a girl who understands that
To a woman that’s in love with you
It’s a pitiful thing
Until I had to figure
That I don’t wanna play around
But I don’t wanna settle down
And that’s a man’s dilemma
‘Cause every man remembers
How his daddy and his uncles did it
‘Cause more than likely, that’s the way they’re gonna do it
I know it sound[s] fucked up, and most won’t admit it
But, yo, I gotta face it, ‘cause I know I’m living through it
‘Cause when the party stops, and niggas get old,
And the chain and the cars and the houses get sold
And that other side of the bed gets cold
You don’t wanna be alone
So, girl, I’m trynna hold you
When Phonte stated, “I gotta face it, ‘cause I know I’m living through it,” it’s as though he admitted “I preferably should face it, ‘cause I know I’ve living through it.” Taking his verse into consideration, it’s clear to me that the lyricist healthily concluded that he’d follow his preference.
Now, I invite you to contemplate how flexible demandingness derivatives may suit your interests and goals, as well. Personally, when confronted with a challenging scenario, I gotta face it, ‘cause I know I’m living through it, rather than merely pretending as though reality doesn’t exist.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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