Personal Development

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius who stated, “So someone’s good at taking down an opponent, but that doesn’t make them more community-minded, or modest, or well-prepared for any circumstance, or more tolerant of the faults of others” (page 321).

Aurelius inferred that although a person is successful in one area of life doesn’t mean that one is well-developed in other aspects. Here, development is the act, process, or result of developing—working out possibilities.  About this perspective, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 321):

Self-improvement is a noble pursuit. Most people don’t even bother. But among those who do, it’s possible for vanity and superficiality to corrupt this process. Do you want six-pack abs because you are challenging yourself and committing to a difficult goal?

Or is it because you want to impress people with your shirt off? Are you running that marathon because you want to test your limits or because you’re running away from your problems at home?

In my professional and personal approach to care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), I find that trying to discover why circumstances in life are as they are often turns out to be a pointless pursuit, as there may not be answers to some questions.

For instance, I wasted a couple decades pondering the reason why my mom apparently didn’t express love for me in a manner that I believed a parent preferably should. Yet, I never received a logical and reasonable answer to my essentially unanswerable question. Oh well! Too bad!

Alternatively, concerning a view maintained by authors of The Daily Stoic, knowing why you do what you do when pursuing interests and goals may be a better use of your relatively little time left in an impermanent and uncertain existence.  For clarity, one source states:

Personal development or self-improvement consists of activities that develop a person’s capabilities and potential, enhance quality of life, and facilitate the realization of dreams and aspirations. Personal development may take place over the course of an individual’s entire lifespan and is not limited to one stage of a person’s life.

It is not restricted to self-help and can include official and informal actions for developing others in roles such as a teacher, guide, counselor, manager, coach, or mentor. When personal development takes place in the context of institutions, it refers to the methods, programs, tools, techniques, and assessment systems offered to support positive adult development at the individual level in organizations.

To elucidate a point, I now thank you for granting me professional and personal anecdotes regarding personal development. Both clients X and Y are people for whom I currently provide mental health care services.

Client X told me that this individual wanted to develop six-pack abs. Client Y expressed a desire (i.e., interest) to run a distance race with this person’s intimate partner (i.e., goal). As both clients X and Y addressed objectives for personal development, we then formulated plans for success.

Yet, when homework was negotiated for these individuals, as what’s done inside of a session isn’t nearly as important as is the work toward a plan which is conducted outside of sessions, only client Y demonstrated follow-through effort toward the expressed interest and goal.

When asked why client X wanted six-pack abs, given that this person was evidently not taking the required steps toward victory in this regard, client X admitted that the objective was merely a vanity project. Thus, if failure of the ultimate goal resulted, the outcome didn’t really matter.

On the other hand, when client Y was asked why it was subjectively important to run a distance race with this person’s intimate partner, client Y discussed wanting to demonstrate similar effort as this individual’s spouse had shown regarding other difficult circumstances in their marriage.

Ergo, why clients X and Y did what they did was an important indicator of whether or not they’d follow through with efforts toward personal development. Shifting from a professional to a personal anecdote, I recall the challenging period of time immediately following my divorce.

After self-distressing and self-disturbing through use of rational and irrational beliefs about the dissolution of my marriage, I eventually was able to set a course toward personal development success. At the time, I wanted six-pack abs and to improve my run time for distance races.

In the above photo, I was wearing a Pantex running club shirt. Along with coworkers at a nuclear weapons assembly and disassembly facility, I participated in a number of running events. In doing so, I improved my physiological and psychological fitness.

Not only did I attain eight-pack abs (some people are genetically able to achieve more than three rows of dual-abdominal muscle layering), I also improved my run time! My “why” for personal development began with an interest to stay alive (yes, literally), as I thereafter set a goal.

Unlike client X who wanted to look pleasing to the eyes of unspecified others, or client Y who desired to demonstrate comparable commitment to a marriage, I sought to accomplish success with an ultimate goal to stay above ground and out of a box (i.e., alive and out of prison).

Two decades later, I’m still alive and I’m not incarcerated! That’s personal development realized. Sharing their Stoic outlook regarding a similar approach to rational living, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 321):

Our will shouldn’t be directed at becoming the person who is in perfect shape or who can speak multiple languages but who doesn’t have a second for other people. What’s the point of winning at sports but losing in the effort to be a good husband, wife, father, mother, son, or daughter? Let’s not confuse getting better at stuff with being a better person. One is a much bigger priority than the other.

Empty pursuits regarding personal development, plausibly for the sake of vanity (inflated pride in oneself or one’s appearance) is what led to client X’s failure. However, when attempting to improve upon oneself for deeper reasons, client Y and I both achieved success.

Searching for the “why” to potentially unanswerable questions isn’t necessarily the best use of your time. Still, considering why you want to pursue success with personal development may prove more beneficial in the long run, like successfully crossing the finish line on a distance run!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

Hollings, D. (2026, April 23). Ain’t that a shame? Oh well, goodbye. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/ain-t-that-a-shame-oh-well-goodbye

Hollings, D. (2025, September 18). Are you working against your interests and goals? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/are-you-working-against-your-interests-and-goals

Hollings, D. (2023, October 6). Arguing attributes of ability. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/arguing-attributes-of-ability

Hollings, D. (2026, March 3). Blowback and knock-on effects: Subjectivity of beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/blowback-and-knock-on-effects-subjectivity-of-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2025, September 10). Chaos that ensues from not having a plan. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/chaos-that-ensues-from-not-having-a-plan

Hollings, D. (2024, October 21). Desire. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/desire

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2025, March 12). Distress vs. disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/distress-vs-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2026, March 17). Facts and inferences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/facts-and-inferences

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2024, April 13). Goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/goals

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2024, April 18). Homework. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/homework

Hollings, D. (2026, April 8). Impermanence and uncertainty: I don’t know where tomorrow will take me. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/impermanence-and-uncertainty-i-don-t-know-where-tomorrow-will-take-me

Hollings, D. (2024, January 5). Know the limits. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/know-the-limits

Hollings, D. (2025, April 28). Know why you do what you do. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/know-why-you-do-what-you-do

Hollings, D. (2025, January 14). Level of functioning and quality of life. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/level-of-functioning-and-quality-of-life

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2023, January 8). Logic and reason. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/logic-and-reason

Hollings, D. (2024, March 4). Mental, emotional, and behavioral health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mental-emotional-and-behavioral-health

Hollings, D. (2025, November 16). Mental health, mental illness, and mental disorder. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mental-health-mental-illness-and-mental-disorder

Hollings, D. (2025, November 27). N 2 deep: An interest and goal to remain out of a box and above ground. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/n-2-deep-an-interest-and-goal-to-remain-out-of-a-box-and-above-ground

Hollings, D. (2024, May 30). Nobody’s perfect. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/nobody-s-perfect

Hollings, D. (2026, June 9). Nonsense: It’s plainly pride. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/nonsense-it-s-plainly-pride

Hollings, D. (2024, June 17). On free will. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-free-will

Hollings, D. (2025, April 9). Perception, action, and will. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/perception-action-and-will

Hollings, D. (2024, July 20). Perspective shift. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/perspective-shift

Hollings, D. (2025, October 27). Physiological and psychological fitness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/physiological-and-psychological-fitness

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Preferential should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/preferential-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, November 23). Problems. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/problems

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, May 15). Rational living. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-living

Hollings, D. (2025, August 13). Rational versus irrational thoughts and beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-versus-irrational-thoughts-and-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Rational vs. irrational. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-vs-irrational

Hollings, D. (2024, December 5). Reasoning. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/reasoning

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Recommendatory should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/recommendatory-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, June 5). Self-help. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-help

Hollings, D. (2026, January 25). Self-improvement from a Sisyphean perspective. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-improvement-from-a-sisyphean-perspective

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Stoicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoicism

Hollings, D. (2025, October 22). The construct. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-construct

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2024, June 14). Tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tolerance

Hollings, D. (2025, December 23). Too bad. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/too-bad

Hollings, D. (2024, April 17). Wishes, dreams, and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/wishes-dreams-and-goals

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Marcus Aurelius. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcus_Aurelius

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Pantex. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantex

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Personal development. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_development

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Ryan Holiday. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_Holiday