N 2 Deep: An Interest and Goal to Remain Out of a Box and Above Ground

[DISCLAIMER]

The above picture represents one of my many life transitions (a significant change or shift in one’s life stage, role, or circumstances, requiring adaptation to new routines, relationships, and a different sense of self). It was taken after returning from military service in South America.

Several years before the photo was captured, I stood at the proverbial precipice of high school graduation and early adulthood. Not long before then, I was faced with a challenging decision regarding whether or not I’d (allegedly) continue with a life of crime in association with gangs.

I am not now, have never been, nor do I foresee myself ever being a validated gang member, known associate, and/or direct affiliate of any criminal organization. Also, I unequivocally denounce any allegation of Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act-related activity.

(Unique disclaimer aside…) Since fifth grade, I was told by my gang friends that once an individual joined any of the street criminal organizations to which I was exposed there was a “blood in, blood out” rule. This maxim not only applied to Bloods, though also to Crips.

Describing this phrase, one source states, “A term related to gang culture. Blood in – To get into a gang, you got to spill some blood, usually murder. Blood out – The gang is for life. The only way to get out is to die.” Whether Blood, Crip, or otherwise, blood was spilled either way.

Either killing to enter a gang or being killed in order to exit the criminal organization was the bargain (something acquired by or as if by negotiating over the terms of a purchase, agreement, or contract). All those years ago, even as a kid, I determined that the offered deal wasn’t rational.

Noteworthy, in order for a proposition to be considered rational it empirically must remain in accordance with both logic and reason. I find that when providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) it’s often helpful to define these terms.

“Logic” is the interrelation or sequence of facts or events when seen as inevitable or predictable, and “reason” is a statement offered in explanation or justification. For instance, a modus ponens syllogism uses the following logical form: If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

As an example, if you join a gang (p), then blood will be spilled on your way in or on your way out (q). You join a gang (p). Therefore, blood will be spilled on your way in or on your way out (q). This proposal logically follows, though is the proposed bargain reasonable?

Suppose your moral and ethical framework doesn’t advocate murder (the crime of unlawfully and unjustifiably killing a person). A gang initiate could challenge this principle on the basis of relativism (a view that ethical truths depend on the individuals and groups holding them).

For example, if retaliation killings to join a gang are justifiable (p), then spilling blood to join a gang isn’t morally or ethically wrong (q). Retaliation killings to join a gang are justifiable (p). Therefore, spilling blood to join a gang isn’t morally or ethically wrong (q).

Swapping normativity standards of society for that of gang affiliation isn’t all that uncommon. That’s a “blood in” rule, as one may plausibly adopt a stance of moral and ethical relativism to establish reason from a logical proposition that’s rejected by the majority members of a society.

Still, there’s a second half of the gang culture maxim which warrants examination. An individual may tweak a moral and ethical framework in order to justify killing (even that of an unlawful or otherwise unjustifiable nature). Still, there remains the matter of a “blood out” rule.

For instance, if you eventually want to stop participating in criminal activity and decide to leave a gang (p), then other members of the gang who hold moral and ethical relativist views may kill you (q). This proposition doesn’t require repetition of its premises, as you may get the point.

This was the proverbial precipice of high school graduation and early adulthood at which I stood several years before the above photo was taken. I refused to go “in too deep,” as the expression was known in the late nineties, regarding what in REBT relates to a conditional demand.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as self-disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. Regarding gang culture and a “blood in, blood out” rule, conditional demandingness results in inextricable involvement.

For an “in too deep” experience of this sort, conditional demands denote that in order for one condition to exist another primary condition absolutely must be met. These unhelpful prescriptions are often proposed in either-or and if-then formulation.

As an example: Scenario 1 – Either I must kill to enter a gang, or I’ll miss an opportunity for comradery. Scenario 2 – If I must be killed in order to exit a criminal organization, then gang members don’t actually support me as an individual. Is either of these proposals rational?

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Given this perspective, I argue that the aforementioned scenario 1 is rigid, and therefore irrational. Scenario 2 is flexible, and therefore rational. This was my rationale used for the offered deal of gangs which I rejected from my fifth grade year to my senior year of high school.

Specifically, murdering or being murdered on behalf of a criminal organization wasn’t something that aligned with my interests and goals. Whereas an interest is defined as the state of wanting to learn about or do something, a goal is the end toward which effort is directed.

Although, in my youth, I didn’t have many desires (i.e., interests) which were brought in line with actual objectives (i.e., goals), I generally wanted to remain out of a box and above ground. I realize that when stating matters in this way, some explanation may be useful.

In childhood, my late mom told me that my maternal grandad once murdered a woman by way of a rifle. Apparently, this occurred following his military service. As well, he was said to have paid his debt to society in prison by the time I formed a close relationship with him.

Also, one of my maternal uncles was said to have raped a woman. Apparently, he was thereafter subject to incarceration following a time when I’d already formed a loose associational bond with him. Regarding the reported actions of these two men, my mom frequently berated me.

I was told that I’d “end up” like these men, particularly regarding confinement in prison. Out of rebellion (opposition to one in authority) more so than fear (an unpleasant emotion caused by inflexible beliefs related to danger), I had an interest and goal to stay out of a box (i.e., prison).

Likewise, it was my mom who taught me how to properly cut my wrists—just in case I ever wanted to complete suicide. Since nine-years-old, I’ve wanted to die. However, I’ve paradoxically had an interest and goal to remain above ground (i.e., alive).

Aside from an interest and goal to remain out of a box and above ground, most of my desires and objectives were misaligned. Still, I rejected the conditional demand of a “blood in, blood out” rule concerning gang culture. Had I been foolish enough to join, I would’ve been “in too deep.”

When contemplating this matter, I’m reminded that when I attended Marine Corps boot camp in 1996, Memphis, Tennessee hip hop group Three 6 Mafia released their second studio album Chapter 1: The End (or simply The End). Yet, I didn’t hear the album until a couple years later.

In any event, the anthology contained the track “In 2 Deep” by artists the late Lord Infamous, the late Koopsta Knicca, the late Gangsta Boo, Juicy J, and DJ Paul. A different version, featuring the same artists, was contained on Chapter 2: World Domination (1997), entitled “N 2 Deep”.

Both tracks contain the same chorus, repeated twice: “I’m in it too deep to get out now. They always told me death was the only way out. I’m sittin’ up all night, I can’t never rest my head. How will my family take it if I ended up dead?” This is a matter of transitional contemplation.

The above picture represents one of my many life transitions, as I’d evolved from (an alleged) life of crime to instead being prepared for a “blood in, blood out” rule through military service. I was prepared to kill or be killed as a Marine, though I used different propositional scenarios.

As an example: Scenario 1 – Either I prefer to kill on behalf of my country, or I’ll simply find another job. Scenario 2 – If I may be killed during military service, then that’s a price I’m willing to pay in order to stay out of gangs. Both of these scenarios use flexible propositions.

Rationally, I concluded that I wasn’t “in too deep” by joining the Marines. Even if one of my interests and aligned goals was to remain above ground, I reasoned that dying in service to my country was subjectively more favorable than dying on behalf of a criminal organization.

Yet, I faced another axiomatic cliff around the time the above photo was taken. I’d twice be detained in a military brig while awaiting courts-martial following the photo. Thus, I’d then await an unfavorable discharge from the Marines. Unaware of the ABC model, I self-disturbed.

As an example, I had an interest and goal to remain out of a box, though on two occasions I was placed in the brig (Action). I then unhelpfully Believed, “It’s awful that I’m in it too deep to get out now, and it shouldn’t be, because I’ve become the piece of shit my mom said I would!”

With that unaccommodating personal philosophy of life, I experienced depressive symptoms (Consequence). What I didn’t favorably consider is that my other major interest and goal (i.e., to remain above ground) was still intact. Thus, my pessimistic perspective didn’t serve me well.

Opportunely, I went on to experience yet another life transition several years after the above photo was taken. In actuality, I was never “in too deep” regarding gangs, military administrative and legal woes, or anything else. Stoically, I eventually learned that I was disturbing myself.

Thus, through use of REBT techniques, I realized that I could also un-disturb myself. So far, many years since the above photo was taken, I’ve managed to fulfill my interest and goal to remain out of a box and above ground.

Minus one temporary and unwarranted detention in the Travis County Jail for having properly and lawfully utilized my right to self-defense, I’ve remained un-incarcerated and alive! Even with what I argue was a violation of my civil rights during the jail event, I remained Stoic.

Now, I invite you to consider the chorus from “N 2 Deep”, regarding your interests and goals: “I’m in it too deep to get out now. They always told me death was the only way out. I’m sittin’ up all night, I can’t never rest my head. How will my family take it if I ended up dead?”

Are your desires aimless? Are your objectives misaligned with your interests? Do you even know what your goals are? Given that death is “the only way out” of life, are you using an “in too deep” method to living whereby you face conditional demands (e.g., “blood in, blood out”)?

Even if it may seem silly to be proud of the fact that I’ve mostly remained out of a box while entirely above ground (for now), this well-aligned interest and goal isn’t meaningless to me. In consideration of my challenging background, it’s quite an accomplishment!

Perhaps you have similar desires and objectives, or maybe you have less extreme interests and goals. Either way, I try to help people achieve success with their individually-tailored wants and aims. If this sounds like something you’d like to pursue, then I look forward to hearing from you.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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