Reminiscing About Sloppy Steaks: I Used to Be a P.O.S.

[DISCLAIMER]

Photo credit, property of Netflix, fair use

I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson is a sketch comedy television series created by Tim Robinson and Zach Kanin, and leans heavily on cringe comedy with elements of surreal humor. Regarding the current post, you’re invited to consider a season two scene in which a man states:

[baby cries when passed to the man] Of course he cries when I hold him. It’s not a big deal. Ah, it’s not a big deal. I guess he just doesn’t like me. No, probably doesn’t like me, ‘cause I used to be a piece of shit [P.O.S.]. I’m not worried about it. I know I used to be a piece of shit. I don’t give a rat’s ass. […] I used to be a fucking piece of shit.

Though the mother of the crying child attempts to assuage the man’s perspective of self-deprecation (disparagement or undervaluation of oneself), his self-assessment remains resolute (marked by firm determination). Later, the man states when speaking with the baby’s grandma:

[describing his former P.O.S. behavior] Slicked back hair, white bathing suit, sloppy steaks, white couch. You would have not liked me back then. [when asked about sloppy steaks] It’s a steak with water dumped on it. It’s really, really good!

The scene depicts a man who has insight (the ability to discern deeply and acutely). Regarding this matter, I stated in a blogpost entitled Intellectual vs. Emotional Insight—addressing techniques used by professional practitioners of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT):

Worth noting, there’s a difference between intellectual and emotional insight. Addressing this matter, page 182 of The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion states:

Help your clients to see the difference between intellectual insight (a cognitive understanding of rational principles that does not lead to constructive psychological change) and emotional insight (a deep conviction taken to use these principles, that does result in such change). Stress that the latter is the goal of REBT, not the former.

In the cringe comedy skit that uses elements of surreal humor, the man exhibits intellectual insight—in that he’s aware of his supposed past nonadaptive behavior. However, he appears not to display emotional insight—in that his current actions haven’t changed all that much.

This tension between intellectual and emotional insight is evident, as looks on the faces of others in the scene represent disbelief (mental rejection of something as untrue). While he may not be eating sloppy steaks anymore, the man still behaves questionably. Later, the man continues:

I’m not [a P.O.S.] anymore. Glass house. White Ferrari. Live for New Year’s Eve. Sloppy steaks at Truffoni’s. Big rare cut of meat with water dumped all over it, water splashing around the table. Makes the night so much more fun! After the club, go to Truffoni’s for sloppy steaks.

They’d say, “No sloppy steaks,” but they can’t stop you from ordering a steak and a glass of water. Before you knew it, we were dumping that water on those steaks! The waiters were coming to try and snatch ‘em up. We had to eat as fast as we could! Ohhh, I miss those nights! I was a piece of shit though! [someone then skeptically replies, “Used to be.”] I said I was!

As animated as the man becomes in the present when describing his apparent past affinity for sloppy steaks and actions, the audience is left to conclude that no emotional insight is attained by the man. Unexpectedly, the baby’s grandad also admits to having apparently once been a P.O.S.

[baby is passed from the grandad to the man who lacks emotional insight] It [baby] smiled at me! I’m not a piece of shit. I used to be. People can change. People can change. [flashback scene to when the man used to eat sloppy steaks and behave inappropriately]

That episode of I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson represents a global evaluation. Of this matter, one REBT source states, “Global evaluation means that if your rigid desires are not met, you, others, and/or life are totally bad (e.g., “I am bad, you are bad, and/or life is bad”).”

Specifically, regarding his apparent past self, the man in the skit used a wholly negative appraisal (an act or instance of evaluating the worth, significance, or status of something or someone). Thus, when using a global evaluation, the man erred in judging himself—not merely his actions.

For instance, when preparing sloppy steaks with his friends at Truffoni’s the man behaved inappropriately by creating a mess for wait staff. However, we fallible human beings aren’t our behavior. Therefore, we can act in a shitty manner without being pieces of shit.

Given this healthy perspective, the man in the skit never used to be a P.O.S. He simply behaved inappropriately, annoyingly, or unpleasantly. Regarding poor global ratings of oneself, as this is the essence of a piece of shit self-upsetting belief, one REBT source states:

People are people and cannot be legitimately rated by performance. People may perform poorly, do weird things, or lose, but none of these defines the whole person. People will invalidly and subjectively think of themselves as a weirdo, loser, or diminished person, but that is optional, not a valid state true to the facts.

From this view, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and one Believes an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s one’s unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as self-disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use when disturbing themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

As an example, the man in the skit recalled his past behavior as a baby cried when the man held the boy (Action). The man likely then Believed, “I was a piece of shit [G], but now I can’t stand [L] how terrible it is [A] that I’m reminded of my past, because this shouldn’t happen [D]!”

When using his unfavorable GLAD script, the man then becomes sad (Consequence). The important takeaway is that there isn’t an Action-Consequence connection of self-upset. Rather, there’s a Belief-Consequence connection with which people disturb themselves.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Similarly, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Regarding the skit in I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson, the man’s P.O.S. narrative appears to have been a significant personal philosophy for a significant portion of his life. Helpfully, one REBT source thusly expands upon self-downing of this variety (page 226):

In some ways, it is easier to illustrate the meaning of self-acceptance by its converse, self-depreciation (also referred to as self-downing or negative self-rating). Semantically, self-depreciation involves the mislabeling of one’s overall value as a person as worthless, hopeless, or failure.

Logically, self-depreciation is seen as a non‑sequitur where a conclusion is reached that because one (or more) aspect of one’s behavior or traits is bad, therefore, all aspects of oneself are bad.

Empirically, self-depreciation results from selective abstraction of one or more aspects of one’s negative behavior or traits to arrive at the false conclusion that all aspects of oneself are bad.

Imbalanced self-downing beliefs can be disputed. Similarly, one can learn to simply tolerate and accept that these unhelpful assumptions exist as mere mental noise. If you’re one of the many people who has experienced self-downing, USA is an antidote to your self-induced suffering.

You’re not a piece of shit, nor did you ever used to be. This is the case even if you prepared the sloppiest of steaks! It’s true even if every baby you hold cries! Reminisce about the past, if you’d like, though you never were a P.O.S. In fact, you still aren’t! Though, you may just act shitty.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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