Swallowed

[DISCLAIMER]

Not long after being stationed aboard Camp Kinser in Okinawa, Japan (1997), the album Razorblade Suitcase (1996) by English rock band Bush gained popularity. In the photo above, as I wore a DJ Honda hat, another member of the military police wore a Razorblade Suitcase t-shirt.

Although my preferred musical genres were primary rap and secondarily electronic dance music, I also enjoyed reggae, dancehall, rock, and other music categories. As such, I was familiar with Bush’s album Sixteen Stone (1994) which was released when I was in high school.

From the 1994 album, I thoroughly enjoyed “Glycerine”. Perhaps I’ll dedicate a blogpost to it at some point in the future. For now, regarding the 1996 album, I was partial to “Swallowed”. The chorus states:

Swallowed, borrowed

Heavy about everything but my love

Swallowed, hollowed

Sharp about everyone but yourself

Swallowed, oh no

I’m with everyone and yet not

I’m with everyone and yet not

I’m with everyone and yet not

I’m with everyone and yet

People speculate about the track’s meaning. However, addressing the song, one source which serves as an interview with lead Bush vocalist and rhythm guitarist Gavin Rossdale states:

“That was [written] just after we’d [Bush] had loads of success with the first record,” Rossdale told NME. “When you first climb that ladder if you’re lucky enough, and I was lucky enough to have that insane success with it, it’s a bit overwhelming in some ways. I didn’t go to school where you learn how to prepare for any kind of success, I was English, I’d failed for many years, I was not used to being successful – and there’s something about being swept up in that success that’s daunting and really overwhelming…it wasn’t a complaint, it was just an observation […]

Speaking of his favourite lyric from the song, Rossdale said: “There was a girlfriend I had at the time, and the line ‘heavy about everything but my love’ – it’s that thing where you have a girlfriend who’s talking to everyone else about things but you think ‘where am I?’ It was just that line. It always tickled me a bit.”

Have you ever been in an intimate partner relationship with someone, and that person ostensibly speaks with virtually “everyone else about things but you” in regard to positive, neutral, or negative elements of the relationship? I have. In fact, that was the norm in most cases.

During a time when I knew nothing about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I self-disturbed quite a bit with unfavorable beliefs about intimate partners discussing private matters with other people. At this point, discussion about the two major tools of REBT may be useful.

First, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

As an example, I walked into the room as a former intimate partner was talking about me to her mom while on speakerphone, just as her mom stated, “What’s Dumbo doing?” Apparently, I’d been discussed so frequently in the past that her mom had a pejorative name for me (Action).

While I enjoyed the 1941 animated musical fantasy comedy-drama film Dumbo, I understood the term as referring to a stupid or foolish person. This is due to the English word “dumb” meaning a lack of intelligence or an inability to speak in a coherent manner.

Drilling down to the critical-A—the significant part of an Action one considers most relevant—when I discovered that my intimate partner and her mom established a derogatory name for me (Action), I then used unfavorable Beliefs about the circumstance.

For instance, I unhelpfully Believed, “These worthless people absolutely shouldn’t call me ‘dumb,’ and I can’t stand that they devalue me in this way! Worse yet, it’s terrible that the woman with whom I share a home would degrade my character by talking bad about me!”

With those unaccommodating Beliefs, I then experienced ruminating thoughts (cognitive), anger (emotive), tightness in my chest (sensory), and I raised my voice at my intimate partner and her mom during the call (behavior). Thus, I was “swallowed” by a Belief-Consequence connection.

Admittedly, it wasn’t my finest moment spent with that particular intimate partner. Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs.

Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition. Still, the process of Disputing irrational Beliefs can take longer than I care to demonstrate herein.

Thus, in the interest of time, imagine that after a period of rigorous Disputation I eventually used the Effective new belief, “Although my loved one preferably shouldn’t discuss our private business with others, she’s under no obligation to honor my preferences.”

Additionally, I could’ve concluded, “While I’d like for others not to call me derogatory names, who says I’m entitled not to be offended?” Using these Effective new beliefs, I likely would’ve experienced mere distress in the form of tolerable frustration, annoyance, or disappointment.

The second main tool of REBT is the technique of unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

As an example, a USA perspective would’ve related to having told myself that I’m a fallible human being with limited control and influence over myself and others. In fact, the only thing I could control when my intimate partner discussed matters with her mom was my reaction.

A UOA outlook would’ve regarded telling myself that the person of my romantic affection and her mom were also flawed individuals. As well, yelling at them was unlikely to influence them in alignment with my interest not to be called a pejorative term. I could’ve instead spoken calmly.

A ULA viewpoint would’ve resulted by reminding myself that life itself is imperfect, as well as impermanent and uncertain. Because of my exceedingly limited control and influence over most matters in life, I didn’t want to spend my remaining moments “swallowed” by self-disturbance.

Reflecting upon “Swallowed” while contemplating both the ABC model and UA, I understand that there’s no need to be “heavy about everything,” including “my love.” Further, it’s pointless to be “sharp about everyone,” because life is too short than to demand unattainable perfection.

Ergo, I don’t have to be “swallowed, oh no!” Fortunately, you don’t have to be, either. If you’d like to know more about how REBT techniques can help you un-disturb, then I look forward to hearing from you. Otherwise, I hope that your “swallowed, hallowed” disposition is tolerable.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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