What Role Do I Play in This Situation?

[DISCLAIMER]

When enlisted in the United States Marine Corps, while stationed aboard Marine Corps Air Station Miramar (2001-2003), I fulfilled the role of a non-commissioned officer (NCO). For context, the American Psychological Association (APA) thusly defines the term role:

[A] coherent set of behaviors expected of an individual in a specific position within a group or social setting. Since the term is derived from the dramaturgical concept of role (the dialogue and actions assigned to each performer in a play), role theory suggests that individuals’ actions are regulated by the part they play in the social setting rather than by their personal predilections or inclinations.

When the behaviors associated with a particular role are poorly defined, role ambiguity may occur; when group members occupy two or more roles that call for incompatible behaviors, the result may be role conflict.

For clarity, in common parlance, the term play merely means to behave or conduct oneself in a specified way. As stated by the APA, the term role is “derived from the dramatically concept of role,” as playing a role regards acting the part of (a particular character) in a film, play, etc.

When playing a role that doesn’t involve theatrical characters, it’s worth noting that the APA defines the term situation as “one or more circumstances, conditions, states, or entities in the environment that have the potential to exert causal influences on an individual’s behavior.”

With this clarification, one of my roles as an NCO was to take personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for behavior exhibited by the junior Marines I supervised. Subjectively, this was one of least desirable roles of a sergeant (E-5).

Specifically, I was blamed (to find fault with) for situations with which I had nothing to do. For example, the platoon that I co-supervised was assigned a lance corporal (E-3) to whom I’ll refer as Marine X. Because of his nonadaptive behavior, Marine X had cycled through other platoons.

One morning, at approximately 0200, I received a call from a senior Marine in my chain of command. “Hollings,” the staff sergeant (E-6) barked, “you need to get your ass up here to PMO [provost marshal office], because your Devil Dog needs his ass squared away [disciplined]!”

As I lived in a barracks with a distance of an approximately 10-minute walk from PMO, it took relatively no time at all before I was standing in front of both the E-3 and E-6 Marines. Marine X was reportedly involved in a physical battery incident, and that was somehow my problem.

Back then, Marine NCOs were trained to ask ourselves, “What role do I play in this situation?” Although I was sleeping in my rack (bed) when the E-3 ostensibly engaged in mutual hand-to-hand combat with another Marine, I was trained to take personal ownership for the matter.

I don’t miss those fuck-fuck games (military slang for pointless, petty tasks or bureaucratic busywork imposed by leadership)! Nevertheless, I now remember that lesson on personal ownership and unnecessary placement of blame, as I read a book on rational living.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Stoic philosopher and Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, who stated, “If someone is slipping up, kindly correct them and point out what they missed. But if you can’t, blame yourself—or no one” (page 359). Aurelius had personal knowledge of military affairs.

Therefore, I suspect that he spoke from firsthand experience regarding personal ownership and blame, perhaps asking himself on many occasions, “What role do I play in this situation?” Concerning this topic, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 359):

A good teacher knows that when a student is failing, the blame falls on the instructor, not the pupil. How much more generous and tolerant would we be if we could extend this understanding to other spheres in our life?

To be able to see that if a friend is unreliable, maybe it’s because they don’t know what’s wrong or because we haven’t tried to help them fix their flaw. If an employee is underperforming, just talk to them or figure out if they’re lacking in support.

If someone is being annoying, try talking to them about the problem with their behavior, or ask yourself: Why am I being so sensitive? And if this doesn’t work, try letting it go. It might be an isolated incident anyway.

Apparently, authors of The Daily Stoic never met Marine X, who I was tasked to lead. That individual had cycled through a few military police platoons for a reason! Still, assuming personal ownership of my own situation, I experienced a fair bit of problems at Miramar, too.

There was no one else to blame when I endured various administrative and legal issues which ultimately led to my unfavorable removal from the Marines. I left Miramar as a private first class (E-2)—a junior to Marine X, whose fuck-fuck games for which I was once blamed.

I learned to ask during some of the hardest years of my life, “What role do I play in this situation?” It took years to answer this question! Also, examining personal ownership didn’t make life easy, though it was easier to place blame in its proper order: squarely on my shoulders.

Now, I invite you to ask yourself, in any given condition, “What role do I play in this situation?” Even if you aren’t entirely to blame (e.g., you lose your home to a wildfire), proper examination of personal ownership may guide you concerning what steps may be taken to address a problem.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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