Words Become Works: A You Problem, Not a Me Problem

[DISCLAIMER]

In spring 2025, I saw a social media post that addressed The Modern Day Knight Project (MDK). Of this matter, one source states, “Men who say they struggle with self-esteem issues can pay $18,000 for a three-day course of water hosing, truck pulls and hand-to-hand combat.”

Regarding MDK and similar hyper-masculine endeavors, I stated in LARPing as Military Personnel, “Given my subjective view, it’s personally distasteful when people live action role-play (LARP) as military personnel.” For context, consider a law of excluded middle syllogism:

Form (Tertium non datur: Law of excluded middle):

p, or not p is true.

Example:

You either did serve in the military (p), or didn’t (not p).

Given this formulation, those who LARP as military personnel – and who never showed the intestinal fortitude (i.e., guts) to put actual skin in the game (i.e., literally, not figuratively) – have ostensibly chosen something akin to the girl/boyfriend experience common in sex work.

Per one source, “A girlfriend experience (GFE) is a commercial sex service. It ranges from a transactional sex relationship to a client paying a sex worker to pretend to be their girlfriend during the session. If the sex worker is male, the service is called a boyfriend experience.”

Having served in the United States (U.S.) Marine Corps from 1996 to 2007 (active duty), I laugh at people who pay MDK or other such services to pretend to be drill instructors. You either did serve in the military, or didn’t! Colloquially, game recognizes game, and you look unfamiliar!

Such people remind me of a woman I once knew, who offered life coaching sessions to men on how to be more masculine. If you presumably have to take lessons from a woman on how to be a man, then you, sir, have lost the plot (to cease to behave in a consistent or rational manner)!

Still, given my small-l libertarian views, I support the right, liberty, freedom, and choice of people to LARP as though they’ve attended military recruit training (i.e., boot camp), even if cowardice results in them not showing testicular fortitude (i.e., nuts) to serve in the military.

Moreover, given my personal and professional capacity as a practitioner of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I applaud the efforts of those who intentionally subject themselves to embarrassment. I suppose it takes some degree of guts and nuts to LARP.

All the same, those of you who’ve never attended a formal military indoctrination process (e.g., boot camp) are not soldiers (people engaged in military service, particularly the U.S. Army when capitalized). I wonder if you’d even know the difference between a Solider and a Marine.

A Solider serves in the U.S. Army, a Marine serves in the U.S. Marine Corps, a Sailor serves in the U.S. Navy, an Airman serves in the U.S. Air Force, a Coast Guardsman serves in the U.S. Coast Guard, and a Guardian serves in the U.S. Space Force. In what branch do LARPers serve?

Not a damn one! So, pretend all you’d like. Undergo your girl/boyfriend-type experience from MDK-esque groups. Still, as you lie to yourself, know this: you aren’t a warrior (a person trained, engaged in, or experienced in warfare)! You merely put on warrior face.

If you aren’t fortunate enough to die a warrior’s death (dying bravely in battle while fighting against heavy odds and refusing to surrender), and you have the misfortune of living until old age, then you may die knowing that you essentially were a military cross-dresser, or sorts.

Yet, at least regarding drag shows, attendees of these entertainment events, during which the artists impersonating men or women are known to be pretending, such participants are self-aware of the LARP. Mostly, they’re just doing it for the love of the game. I can respect that!

With these matters of consideration, and as REBT is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

In fact, this is the final entry for my ongoing exploration of the book. As I learned of MDK in spring 2025, I also began reading and writing about The Daily Stoic in spring 2025. It’s my subjective view that both Holiday and Hanselman have nominally LARPed military culture.

As far as I can tell, neither of the authors showed the guts or nuts to serve in the military, though The Daily Stoic is rife with hackneyed militaryisms. Specifically, they appeal to small-s soldier concepts. For instance, they thusly quote Marcus Aurelius, who stated (page 393):

Stop wandering about! You aren’t likely to read your own notebooks, or ancient histories, or the anthologies you’ve collected to enjoy in your old age. Get busy with life’s purpose, toss aside empty hopes, get active in your own rescue—if you care for yourself at all—and do it while you can.

According to one source, “As a Roman statesman and philosopher, Marcus Aurelius spent a significant part of his reign on military campaigns on the borders of the empire.” Similarly, although I never deployed to a theater of combat, I was prepared to kill or die for my country.

How about those of you who are merely scholars (people who have done advanced study in a special field)? I’ve been both a small-s soldier (i.e., Marine) and a scholar (e.g., I earned one bachelor’s and two master’s degrees). There’s no warrior or scholar LARPing going on with me!

How about authors of The Daily Stoic? Their book is rife with advice, often appealing to authority and glazing military culture. I’d just as soon take seriously their message on soldiering as I’d rationally consider a male drag queen advising me on how to be a woman. I wouldn’t!

Nonetheless, I’ve taken some perspectives from The Daily Stoic which are subjectively useful. Therefore, reading the book wasn’t a complete waste of my time (i.e., measurement regarding the experience of life). Still, the authors state (page393):

The purpose of all our reading and studying is to aid us in the pursuit of the good life (and death). At some point, we must put our books aside and take action. So that, as Seneca put it, the “words become works.” There is an old saying that a “scholar made is a soldier spoiled.” We want to be both scholars and soldiers—soldiers in the good fight.

A word is a speech sound or series of speech sounds that symbolizes and communicates a meaning, usually without being divisible into smaller units capable of independent use. To work is to perform or carry through a task requiring sustained effort or continuous repeated operations.

If words are to become works, then knowledge, wisdom, and understanding contained in The Daily Stoic isn’t merely for comprehension, it regards actual application. Given this view, I wonder about the authenticity of the overall message from outward LARPers.

For context, a scholar made is a soldier spoiled is apparently an old proverb meaning that over-intellectualizing or spending too much time passively reading and studying may ruin a person’s practical capability (i.e., practical application), toughness, or readiness for real-world action.

More pointedly, authors of The Daily Stoic appear to be scholars, though they aren’t soldiers. Thus, what degree of words becoming works may be derived from those who ostensibly provide the GFE, though who themselves are merely donning drag costumes regarding military culture?

With this in mind, the authors add, “That’s what’s next for you. Move forward, move onward. Another book isn’t the answer. The right choices and decisions are. Who knows how much time you have left, or what awaits us tomorrow?” (page 393). And so ends my time with the book.

It was a worthwhile endeavor, choosing to stick with reading The Daily Stoic after gaining intellectual and emotional insight regarding how hyper-masculinity apparently advocated by MDK and their ilk ostensibly plagued the book. Still, this isn’t an issue solely of the authors.

I’ve learned a great deal about Stoicism. In so doing, I’ve learned more about the foundations of REBT which were influenced by this ancient philosophy. Therefore, I stated in Letting Go of Control, “Though I no longer identify as a Stoic, I still appreciate some Stoic principles.”

The Daily Stoic helped me to de-identify as a Stoic! No sooner would I join an MDK event than would I don warrior face, had I not actually shown the intestinal and testicular fortitude to have joined the U.S. Marine Corps. Unlike others, I don’t seek out soldiering drag face. I lived it!

Alas, the cowardice, ineptitude, or perhaps disabilities of others who didn’t put skin in the game concerning military service isn’t an iss-ME, that’s an iss-YOU. Stated differently, that’s a YOU problem (a question raised for inquiry, consideration, or solution), not a ME problem.

Of this matter, I’m reminded of the album Your Favorite MC (2011), a collaborative work by lyricist Reef the Lost Cauze and German hip hop production team Snowgoons. On it is the track “1000 Rhyme Books”, on which the lyricist states, “That’s their problem, and not yours.”

Sticking with my principles and standards as a small-l libertarian, as well as a personal and professional practitioner of REBT, I unconditionally accept the nominal weakness of those whose words don’t genuinely become works, as they LARP as what some of us are or were.

That’s a YOU problem, not a ME problem! It’s an issue regarding another individual’s attitude, habits, or choices. Thus, I won’t take personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for someone else’s problem. Ergo, inauthentic LARPers can own their own issues.

Now, I invite you to consider an authentic approach to rational living. If you aren’t genuinely about the military life, then you don’t have to needlessly pretend as though you are! And if you choose to LARP as something you aren’t, then that’s a YOU problem, not a ME problem.

I’ll laugh at you, perhaps finding your antics somewhat entertaining, as one does regarding drag show activities. In any event, I won’t take you seriously! And why preferably should anyone else? After all, game recognizes game, and you look unfamiliar! It doesn’t have to be this way.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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