Ask Albert Ellis

[DISCLAIMER]

Photo credit, fair use

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) was formed by the late psychologist Albert Ellis, who reportedly developed the first Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) psychotherapeutic modality in 1955, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding his book, Ask Albert Ellis?: Straight Answers and Sound Advice from America’s Best-Known Psychologist.

I first learned of REBT during graduate school for counseling (2009-2011). At that time, I adopted one of Ellis’ major techniques, the ABC model. I then focused on another main tool, unconditional acceptance (UA), that I adopted in graduate studies for social work (2012-2014).

When using these techniques in my personal life, as well as my professional capacities as a life coach and psychotherapist, I eventually concluded that understanding of, belief in, and daily practice of REBT was empirically necessary to become proficient with tools of the modality.

There’s quite a bit of material available from Ellis and his professional peers, in the form of articles, books, blogposts, audio files, videos, and other mediums. Yet, there remains a difference in outcomes when one merely understands and believes in REBT, and as one actually practices.

To provide meaningful examples in support of this conclusion, I thank you for granting me personal and professional anecdotes. First, when attending graduate programs for both counseling and social work, I understood and believed that REBT tools could improve my life.

Particularly, as one source notes, “REBT distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event, whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event” (page 71).

Given this perspective, REBT differentiates between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance). Unlike other modalities, REBT practitioners aren’t aiming to completely eliminate healthy, though negative consequences of one’s beliefs.

Rather, unconditional self-, other-, and life-acceptance is used to tolerate and accept that negative emotions are an integral part of living for fallible human beings. In essence, you’re virtually guaranteed to feel unwell at some point—perhaps even often, and that’s okay.

Nonetheless, some professional providers of care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”) apparently don’t maintain this healthy view. Rather, perceivably any experience with negative emotions, healthy or unhealthy, doesn’t align with well-being.

This was my takeaway when attending graduate programs with people who maintained starkly different views on mental health care. Seemingly favoring an external locus of control, many of these individuals abdicated personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”).

Alternatively, I accepted ownership for my negative, though healthy and unhealthy outcomes. When attending higher education classes, I sometimes self-distressed with rational beliefs. As well, being the flawed individual I so evidently am, I also self-disturbed with irrational beliefs.

Fast-forward to the present, I’m still an imperfect being! I understand and believe that REBT tools can improve my life. Nevertheless, I don’t always practice according to the modality. Therefore, when self-disturbing, I take ownership of how I’ve caused my own self-upset.

The second meaningful example I’ll offer regards a composite of people with whom I’ve professionally practiced REBT, client X. Client X voiced understanding of the ABC model and UA, and expressed belief in the modality as a method of un-disturbing oneself.

Yet, this person repeatedly neglected the homework we negotiated in-session, thus forgoing out-of-session practice of REBT. When citing that homework is an essential component of CBT, as REBT professional and personal practitioners require practice, client X merely shrugged.

Instead, treating our sessions as an opportunity for engaging in griping, whining, bitching, moaning, complaining, whinging, venting, etc., client X experienced a cathartic effect by feeling better after we met. However, this individual wasn’t actually getting better overall.

Ultimately, all I can do is try to help people un-disturb themselves. Still, I can’t take ownership of their self-disturbed outcomes, when they unhelpfully place their own personal responsibility and accountability for how they feel on me. That’s not how REBT functions!

Perhaps unlike many other psychotherapists, I’d rather discontinue working with a client who repeatedly disregards oneself, fracturing the therapeutic alliance, than to simply receive payment for listening to the clients X of the world whine about their problems. That’s a hard pass for me!

Ergo, as Ellis stated in Ask Albert Ellis, I admit that “what troubles us in life is not what happens to us, but how we react to what happens” (page 17). When I’m unable to persuade the clients X of the world to actually practice what they learn in-session, their behavior doesn’t bother me.

Instead, what I tell myself (i.e., belief) is what causes distress or disturbance. By owning my reactions, I can take personal ownership of my self-narratives so that I can change how I feel (i.e., emotions and sensations). Thus, this begins the first psychoeducational lesson I offer to you.

If what I’ve addressed thus far is understandable, and you believe that REBT may help you to live rationally and healthily, then I encourage you to stay tuned to my Ask Albert Ellis blog category. However, if you won’t actually practice REBT, then the tools I offer won’t help much.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

AEI. (n.d.). About Albert Ellis, Ph.D. Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://albertellis.org/about-albert-ellis-phd/

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Counseling. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/counseling

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Social work. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/social-work

Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2006). Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy: 100 Key Points and Techniques. Routledge. Retrieved from https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/4b0e2552-2a18-4998-b44f-3a993148f7ac/downloads/REBT%202.pdf?ver=1627365797554

Ellis, A. (2003). Ask Albert Ellis?: Straight Answers and Sound Advice from America’s Best-Known Psychologist. Impact Publishers, Incorporated. Retrieved from https://www.welib.st/md5/acac369a25390ac87c98b93b00e3f33e

Halasz, G. (2004, December). In Conversation with Dr Albert Ellis. Australian Psychology. Retrieved from https://www.reasearchgate.net/publication/227984238_In_Conversation_with_Dr_Albert_Ellis

Hollings, D. (2025, March 2). A demanded thing is a necessary one. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-demanded-thing-is-a-necessary-one

Hollings, D. (2026, June 16). A fountain of goodness: Subjective and objective views. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-fountain-of-goodness-subjective-and-objective-views

Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/acceptance

Hollings, D. (2026, February 8). Adaptive and maladaptive emotions and behavior. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/adaptive-and-maladaptive-emotions-and-behavior

Hollings, D. (2026, April 23). Agreement isn’t synonymous with practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/agreement-isn-t-synonymous-with-practice

Hollings, D. (2026, April 30). Alternate reality: Negative and unhealthy delusional jealousy and envy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/alternate-reality-negative-and-unhealthy-delusional-jealousy-and-envy

Hollings, D. (2025, September 24). Animalistic instinct: Just because it seems right doesn’t mean it is. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/animalistic-instinct-just-because-it-seems-right-doesn-t-mean-it-is

Hollings, D. (2025, June 4). Be content to appear clueless or stupid in extraneous matters. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/be-content-to-appear-clueless-or-stupid-in-extraneous-matters

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Blog – Categories: Ask Albert Ellis? Straight Answers and Sound Advice from America’s Best-Known Psychologist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/blog/categories/ask-albert-ellis

Hollings, D. (2025, September 6). Bringing meaning to the words. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/bringing-meaning-to-the-words

Hollings, D. (2024, November 10). Catharsis. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/catharsis

Hollings, D. (2024, May 19). Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/cognitive-behavior-therapy-cbt

Hollings, D. (2026, February 19). Conclusions in search of rationale. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/conclusions-in-search-of-rationale

Hollings, D. (2024, March 19). Consequences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/consequences

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2026, May 16). Courage: Tell it like it is – or risk the character flaw of cowardice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/courage-tell-it-like-it-is-or-risk-the-character-flaw-of-cowardice

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2026, September 1). Dominance, locus of control, and chauvinism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/dominance-locus-of-control-and-chauvinism

Hollings, D. (2025, December 4). Empirical dispute. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/empirical-dispute

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, May 11). Fallible human being. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fallible-human-being

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2024, February 13). Focus on the target problem. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/focus-on-the-target-problem

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2025, June 15). Griping, whining, bitching, moaning, complaining, whinging, venting, etc. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/ griping-whining-bitching-moaning-complaining-whinging,-venting-etc

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2026, June 23). Homework: It’s done at home. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/homework-it-s-done-at-home

Hollings, D. (2026, March 14). It’s just easy come and easy go: Tolerance and acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/it-s-just-easy-come-and-easy-go-tolerance-and-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2025, August 17). It’s not right, but it’s okay. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/it-s-not-right-but-it-s-okay

Hollings, D. (2026, July 10). It’s not the thing itself that troubles you, but only your judgment of it. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/it-s-not-the-thing-itself-that-troubles-you-but-only-your-judgment-of-it

Hollings, D. (2025, October 13). Knowledge, wisdom, understanding. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/knowledge-wisdom-understanding

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2026, May 17). Listening to reason through argument: Is the rhetoric of whataboutism persuasive? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/listening-to-reason-through-argument-is-the-rhetoric-of-whataboutism-persuasive

Hollings, D. (2024, March 4). Mental, emotional, and behavioral health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mental-emotional-and-behavioral-health

Hollings, D. (2025, November 16). Mental health, mental illness, and mental disorder. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mental-health-mental-illness-and-mental-disorder

Hollings, D. (2024, May 30). Nobody’s perfect. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/nobody-s-perfect

Hollings, D. (2024, January 9). Normal vs. healthy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/normal-vs-healthy

Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

Hollings, D. (2026, April 19). Outcome: Victim mentality and playing the victim. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/outcome-victim-mentality-and-playing-the-victim

Hollings, D. (2025, April 9). Perception, action, and will. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/perception-action-and-will

Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership

Hollings, D. (2025, September 9). Personal responsibility and accountability. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-responsibility-and-accountability

Hollings, D. (2024, July 20). Perspective shift. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/perspective-shift

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation

Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, May 15). Rational living. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-living

Hollings, D. (2025, August 13). Rational versus irrational thoughts and beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-versus-irrational-thoughts-and-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Rational vs. irrational. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-vs-irrational

Hollings, D. (2024, March 14). REBT and emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-and-emotions

Hollings, D. (2026, July 7). Self-distress and distress tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-distress-and-distress-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2026, April 21). Self-upset. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-upset

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation

Hollings, D. (2025, October 22). The construct. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-construct

Hollings, D. (2022, November 2). The critical A. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-critical-a

Hollings, D. (2024, January 11). Therapeutic alliance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/therapeutic-alliance

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2024, January 16). Understanding, belief, and practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/understanding-belief-and-practice

Hollings, D. (2024, March 18). Unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhealthy-vs-healthy-negative-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, September 29). Well, well, well. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/well-well-well

Hollings, D. (2026, August 2). Why bother? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/why-bother

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Photo of Albert Ellis on dust jacket of How to Prevent Your Child from Becoming a Neurotic Adult [Image]. Retrieved from https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Photo_of_Albert_Ellis_on_dust_jacket.jpg