Be My Bad Boy, but I Don’t Need You
When searching for electronic dance music (EDM) online, I discovered a Reddit post that directed readers to the album Hard Dance Mania Vol. 2 (2004) by DJ and music producer Pulsedriver. The anthology reflects the hard dance or hardcore genre of EDM, which I enjoy.
Now, the album contains the song “Bad Boy (Pulsedriver Remix)” by Cascada, a remix to her original track “Bad Boy” from the album Everytime We Touch (2006). Lyrics of the chorus state:
Be my bad boy, be my man
Be my weekend lover, but don’t be my friend
You can be my bad boy, but understand
That I don’t need you in my life again
Won’t you be my bad boy, be my man?
Be my weekend lover, but don’t be my friend
You can be my bad boy, but understand
That I don’t need you again
No, I don’t need you again
For context, the term bad regards that which fails to reach an acceptable standard. As it regards slang, the term bad boy concerns a human male who, although morally objectionable, is considered highly desirable – often due to the fact that he doesn’t meet acceptable standards.
As well, the term need means a physiological or psychological requirement for the well-being of an organism. Now, I’ll present a psychoeducational lesson on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) regarding the summarized lyrics: Be my bad boy, but I don’t need you.
REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.
Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):
REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).
Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.
Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world, wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.
Worth noting, the two forms of should, must, and ought demands with which people most often distress or disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional beliefs. Generally speaking, these scripts serve as inflexible commands used toward oneself, others, and life.
An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of self-upset.
Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.
While still functioning as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.
Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.
Regarding “Bad Boy (Pulsedriver Remix)” by Cascada, “bad boy” serves as a global evaluation—a form of other-downing. Still, Cascada ostensibly admits that she finds people who are supposedly morally objectionable as individuals who she desires, though doesn’t need.
One point I’d note when Disputing this global evaluation Belief is that fallible human beings aren’t their beliefs or behavior. Therefore, it may be that Cascada is attracted to unproductive beliefs or behavior, though – in rejection of a global evaluation – there aren’t any bad boys.
As to whether or not Cascada needs poorly-behaved people in her life, I suspect that matter has already been answered, as the singer clearly states, “I don’t need you.” Now, I invite you to consider this lesson on the ABC model. If you have any questions, please let me know.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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