I Know I Should Sleep

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

When listening to an electronic dance music (EDM) DJ set by Delfin Ecevit, I heard her spin the track “Voices In My Head” (2025) by Anyma, Argy, and Son on Son. The lyrics state:

Voices in my head go [x3]

Voices in my head go [unintelligible verbal sounds]

I know I should sleep, but the voices in my head go [unintelligible verbal sounds] [x2]

Voices in my head go

As the vocalist isn’t prescriptively shoulding on other people (e.g., you absolutely should sleep), the matter of rigid demandingness regarding others or life can be ruled out. Still, it’s worth considering whether or not the vocalist is using an unhealthy demand toward herself.

Imagine that when lying in bed the vocalist tells herself, “Okay, it’s time to sleep,” though the “voices” in her head (i.e., automatic thoughts) begin making unintelligible verbal sounds. At first, the vocalist tries to ignore the voices. Yet, the voices say, “Bom-bom-bom-bom-bom […].”

The vocalist then tells herself, “I know I should sleep, but the voices in my head go ‘bom-bom-bom-bom-bom […].” Given what you’ve learned about the ABC model thus far, does the vocalist’s use of a demandingness term (i.e., “should”) constitute a rigid self-demand?

I argue that describing how the “voices” go “bom-bom-bom-bom-bom […]” and then prescribing how she “should sleep” could serve as a healthy demand if—and this is an important takeaway—the vocalist doesn’t inflexibly maintain that the prescription is an absolute command.

For instance, she could flexibly tell herself, “I know I should sleep, but my mind is doing that thing it does. I hope it quiets down soon, so that I may sleep.” This is different than inflexibly believing, “I know I should sleep, and dammit, my mind is ruining my entire night!”

Personally, when “voices in my head” make unintelligent verbal sounds, I opt for a flexible approach rather than engaging in unnecessary self-disturbance. After all, the “bom-bom-bom-bom-bom […]” sounds of my mind inevitably quiet down. Then, I fall asleep.

I don’t know about you, but I prefer falling asleep in peace rather than disturbing myself and remaining awake longer than necessary. From my interpretation of “Voices In My Head”, the vocalist also uses this perspective. Apparently, her mind wants to look around before sleeping.

Favorably, a subjectively good song was made from whatever her mind discovered. Thus, I invite you to consider use of flexible self-narratives next time the “voices” in your head attempt to keep you up. Who knows, you just may come up with a good EDM track from the event.

Of course, if you’re prone to chronic sleep disturbance, then you may want to consult with a physician. After all, I maintain that of the self-care activities in which a person can engage, sleep is perhaps the most significant undertaking you’ll experience.

Given this caveat, it’s still not worth disturbing yourself when the voices in your head go “bom-bom-bom-bom-bom […].” I know you should sleep, but should you self-disturb?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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