Trying to Watch the Road and Rear-View at the Same Time: Living in a Past-Time Paradise
- Deric Hollings
- 3 days ago
- 9 min read
In the early part of 2008, life was going rather well for me. I was comparatively fit, I had a high-paying job, I’d been paired with a relatively intelligent and conventionally attractive girlfriend, and I’d purchased a brand new Honda Civic that was completely paid off eight months later.
While at work one day, I listened to an AM broadcast of a female evangelist whose name now escapes my mind. She said something to the effect of, “There’s a reason the windshield of your car is so big, and the rear-view mirror is so small.” I heard audience members laugh in response.
For context, a rearview mirror (or rear-view mirror) is a mirror (as in an automobile) that gives the driver a view of the area behind a vehicle. This is a useful item when paying attention to the road (an open way for vehicles, persons, and animals).
In any event, the evangelist explained that people often pay more attention to the past (time gone by)—as in the rearview mirror, than they do to the future (existing or occurring at a later time)—as in the windshield, or the present (now existing or in progress)—as in the cabin of a vehicle.
I pondered the lesson, uninformed of how useful it would one day be to me. After all, as I sat in the present, thinking about the past and the future, I was ignorant (lacking of knowledge, education, or awareness) about the twists and turns which awaited me in my timeline.
By the end of 2008, my level of fitness wasn’t what it used to be, I’d lost my job, my girlfriend and I began to experience trouble in our intimate partner relationship, and my Civic was paid in full. In essence, my car was one of the only elements of my life that was going well for me.
That and my undergraduate studies were my main sources of satisfaction. After earning a bachelor’s degree in 2009, I enrolled in a graduate study program for counseling. It was then that I learned about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).
By the time I graduated in 2011, I looked back in the proverbial rearview mirror and realized how much damage I’d done when inducing negative and unhealthy self-disturbance by using irrational beliefs about many matters. That’s when I recalled the evangelist’s message.
She said something to the effect of, “If you spend your time moving forward while looking backward, then you’ll wreck! Don’t get me wrong, you have a rearview mirror for a reason. It’s important to know what’s behind you, but the windshield reveals what’s in front of you.”
Up until I learned how to practice personal and professional care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), I’d done a lot of moving forward while gazing at my proverbial rearview mirror. For instance, I missed my girlfriend.
Through practice of REBT, I learned to use rational beliefs which led to negative and healthy self-distress. For clarity, the self-disturbance from beliefs caused about my ex-girlfriend was an unproductive form of grief, though self-distress about the same matter related to mere sadness.
Fortunately, I learned to move forward while glancing backward, mostly when necessary. As an example, in the present, I’m using a topic regarding the past so that you may alter the future. Now, as I contemplate this topic, a hip hop song and an REBT lesson come to mind.
On the album Two-Headed Monster (2018) by lyricist and producer Blueprint is the song “Don’t Look Back”. On his first verse, Blueprint states:
But the thing I won’t do is stay there forever
It’s cool to look back and celebrate the happy times
It’s obvious why so many guys lack drive
Tryna watch the road and rear-view at the same time
Don’t live life like a history buff
Avoiding the now, mentally stuck
‘Cause while you[’re] reminiscing, missing the moments
Somebody else is living it up, come on
Here, I intentionally use the spelling “rear-view” to place emphasis on a view that’s to the rear (i.e., the past). Accurately, Blueprint highlights how focus on the proverbial rear-view may inhibit one’s front-view and present-view. On his second verse, Blueprint continues:
Old car, save up, get a new whip
Old job, don’t forget the reason that you quit
Put away the Polaroid, take a new pic
Old habits keep dragging, time for you to quit
Old friends did you bad, get a new clique
Old love, so what, get a new chick
Oh, your man’s weak in bed? Get some new [dick]—watch out now
Every day is another chance to get it right
Turn the darkness around you into light
You got the power to be anywhere in your life
But you[’re] living in a past-time paradise
You never see a child tripping out about the past
They’re living in the now, trying to make it last
Too young to reminisce about anything
Sometimes, we should do the same things
Here, I intentionally use the spelling “past-time” to place emphasis on a time that’s in the past. Accurately, Blueprint highlights how some people maintain a past-time view of paradise (a place or state of bliss, felicity, or delight). Meanwhile, they neglect the present- or future-time.
Noteworthy, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering which is caused by such views. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).
With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).
The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.
Worth stating, the past is a matter for one’s circle of concern and ULA. Whatever’s in your proverbial rear-view mirror—the past-time paradise (or perhaps agony)—is behind you. It cannot be re-experienced, as life is lived only in the present. This regards the future, as well.
Now, I invite you to consider the wisdom of Blueprint, take a lesson from my lived experience, or apply whatever teaching is meaningful to you and which assists in your acceptance of the fact that the past is passed. Just like my Civic which was eventually totaled, the past won’t return!
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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