Words Do Hurt, You Chopped Down That Man’s Pride: That’s Not How Life Works
On the album Brighter Days (2014), by lyricist Awon and music producer Kameleon Beats, is the track “Still Waters”. Containing a sample of the Four Tops’ song “Still Water (Love)” (1970), Awon states on the hip hop track:
We all know what it’s like, surviving nights after fights
You[’re] so restless, butt naked, even your mind’s froze
Seeing his face every time your eyes close
Words do hurt, you chopped down that man’s pride
To make it even worse, you lied
Thinking you[’re] cute, he know[s] you[’re] messing with other guys
This is the truth
Awon’s perspective is a common worldview. Yet, I reject his outlook. For context, the American Psychological Association defines pride as “a self-conscious emotion that occurs when a goal has been attained and one’s achievement has been recognized and approved by others.”
Although my critique of Awon’s perspective isn’t personal, stating that “words do hurt, you chopped down that man’s pride” isn’t quite how life works—meaning that it requires a reality-check to correct an unrealistic, naive, or flawed expectation about how the world operates.
I argue that words (a series of speech sounds that symbolizes and communicates a meaning) don’t actually hurt or chop down (i.e., dismantle) an individual’s pride. Allow me to provide a psychoeducational lesson on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) to explain my view.
REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.
Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):
REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).
Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.
Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world, wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.
Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
From an A-C view, intimate partners argue with one another (Action), as objectionable words are exchanged during the argument (Consequence). Nevertheless, from a B-C outlook, words don’t actually hurt. That’s not how life works. Rather, what one Believes is the cause of Consequences.
Intimate partners argue (Action), a man Believes, “I’m worthless, because she’s chopping down my pride [G], and I can’t bear her conduct [L], because it’s terrible [A], so she mustn’t treat me so poorly [D],” and then the man experiences negative, but unhealthy sadness (Consequence).
Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.
Given this reality-check, words don’t hurt. Furthermore, no one can chop down your pride. That’s not how life works! Instead, what you Believe about someone’s objectionable words (Action) is the cause of your Consequences. Thus, you can use a B-C view to spare your pride.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Pride. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/pride
APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Self-conscious emotion. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/self-conscious-emotion
Apple Music. (n.d.). Awon. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/awon/1039949058
Apple Music. (n.d.). Kameleon Beats. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/kameleon-beats/339829643
Bandcamp. (n.d.). Brighter Days. Retrieved from https://kameleonbeats.bandcamp.com/album/brighter-days
Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2006). Rational emotive behaviour therapy: 100 key points and techniques. Routledge. Retrieved from https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/4b0e2552-2a18-4998-b44f-3a993148f7ac/downloads/REBT%202.pdf?ver=1627365797554
Four Tops. (2019, January 9). Still Water (Love) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/GjwaNA_mPV8?si=y5bpZ6_rrMdpzdLk
Hollings, D. (2026, June 16). A fountain of goodness: Subjective and objective views. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-fountain-of-goodness-subjective-and-objective-views
Hollings, D. (2025, October 19). Adhering to invisible scripts. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/adhering-to-invisible-scripts
Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions
Hollings, D. (2024, August 7). Awfulizing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/awfulizing
Hollings, D. (2025, September 6). Bringing meaning to the words. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/bringing-meaning-to-the-words
Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation
Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2025, March 12). Distress vs. disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/distress-vs-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2025, August 19). Doing right or wrong, as they see it. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/doing-right-or-wrong-as-they-see-it
Hollings, D. (2026, April 12). Excuses, explanations, and justifications. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/excuses-explanations-and-justifications
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1
Hollings, D. (2026, February 13). Five, four, three… beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/five-four-three-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations
Hollings, D. (2024, April 13). Goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/goals
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2026, June 9). If we could be love, then we must be love. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/if-we-could-be-love-then-we-must-be-love
Hollings, D. (2024, October 21). Impermanence and uncertainty. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/impermanence-and-uncertainty
Hollings, D. (2024, February 14). Insufferable vs. undesirable. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/insufferable-vs-undesirable
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2026, May 17). Listening to reason through argument: Is the rhetoric of whataboutism persuasive? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/listening-to-reason-through-argument-is-the-rhetoric-of-whataboutism-persuasive
Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance
Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude
Hollings, D. (2025, August 2). My philosophy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-philosophy
Hollings, D. (2026, September 14). Negative, but unhealthy sadness: You aren’t disturbed by events from childhood. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/negative-but-unhealthy-sadness-you-aren-t-disturbed-by-events-from-childhood
Hollings, D. (2026, June 9). Nonsense: It’s plainly pride. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/nonsense-it-s-plainly-pride
Hollings, D. (2026, April 4). Objective reality. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/objective-reality
Hollings, D. (2023, April 24). On truth. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-truth
Hollings, D. (2026, July 9). Outlook: The more things change, the more they stay the same. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/outlook-the-more-things-change-the-more-they-stay-the-same
Hollings, D. (2024, July 20). Perspective shift. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/perspective-shift
Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation
Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2025, August 13). Rational versus irrational thoughts and beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-versus-irrational-thoughts-and-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Rational vs. irrational. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-vs-irrational
Hollings, D. (2024, July 18). REBT flexibility. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-flexibility
Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous
Hollings, D. (2026, July 7). Self-distress and distress tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-distress-and-distress-tolerance
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2026, April 21). Self-upset. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-upset
Hollings, D. (2023, June 5). Stop lyin’. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stop-lyin
Hollings, D. (2024, October 17). Stress-testing intimate partner relationships. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stress-testing-intimate-partner-relationships
Hollings, D. (2024, February 27). Suffering, struggling, and battling vs. experiencing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/suffering-struggling-and-battling-vs-experiencing
Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2022, November 2). The critical A. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-critical-a
Hollings, D. (2026, February 21). The preferences versus expectations paradigm: Love is not enough, though virtue is. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-preferences-versus-expectations-paradigm-love-is-not-enough-though-virtue-is
Hollings, D. (2026, April 23). The three traditionally identified components of the mind: Affect, cognition, and conation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-three-traditionally-identified-components-of-the-mind-affect-cognition-and-conation
Hollings, D. (2025, April 15). This cake smells unpleasant. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/this-cake-smells-unpleasant
Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal
Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model
Hollings, D. (2024, March 18). Unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhealthy-vs-healthy-negative-emotions
Hollings, D. (2024, October 26). Unhelpful expectations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhelpful-expectations
Hollings, D. (2024, September 25). Unrealistic philosophies. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unrealistic-philosophies
Hollings, D. (2023, October 10). When others don’t share your worldview. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/when-others-don-t-share-your-worldview
Kameleon858. (2014, June 12). Awon & Kameleon Beats - Still Waters [Image; video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/KLM195tE_-w?si=qbVaKJv4gNr5Ixec
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Four Tops. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Tops
