You Give Me Such a Vibe: It Feels So Good

[DISCLAIMER]

Imagine that I told you about an electronic dance music (EDM) track to which I often danced when in South America, as I said “it was such a vibe… it felt so good,” do you think you could identify the error in that expression? If not, you aren’t alone. Many people wouldn’t be able to!

As such, I invite you to consider a psychoeducational lesson on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) so that you may separate yourself from a crowd of ignorance (lacking of knowledge, education, or awareness). That is, unless you’d like to remain ignorant.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

For examples of both the A-C and B-C connections, I invite you to consider the aforementioned EDM track to which I often danced. In 1998, English singer, musician and DJ Sonique released the hit single “It Feels So Good” that was later featured on her debut album Hear My Cry (2000).

Per one source, “Sonique said of the song, ‘It’s about this guy whom I really liked years ago, but who didn’t return my feelings. He was very successful, and I wasn’t—at that time. He thought that I was in love with his success. This song is just a way of declaring that it was him I liked.”

In essence, the song is about love (strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties) that was unrequited (not reciprocated or returned in kind). Now, because I don’t have access to the inner workings of Sonique’s mind, I’ll provide a hypothetical perspective of this matter.

From an A-C view, Sonique apparently expressed attraction to a man (Action) and he didn’t share her sentiment, resulting in unrequited love (Consequence). From an imaginary B-C outlook, Sonique could’ve easily upset herself with an inflexible self-narrative.

For instance, Sonique experienced unrequited love (Action), she hypothetically Believed, “Life is worthless [G], and I can’t stomach rejection [L], as it’s quite awful [A], so I shouldn’t ever love again [D],” and this disobliging script caused unpleasant disturbance (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Favorably, Sonique appears to have used an obliging Belief that caused tolerable distress in the form of disappointment (Consequence) by hypothetically maintaining, “You give me such a vibe and it feels so good, though you apparently don’t want me in this way, and that’s okay.”

Do you think you can identify the error in that expression, even though it’s a rational self-narrative? It’s the same blunder I intentionally made when beginning this blogpost. Aside from the matter of a B-C connection, allow me to now provide a psychoeducational lesson on feelings.

With my approach to care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), I invite people to consider scripts which are rational (in accordance with both logic and reason) – especially regarding events which correlate with strong vibes of feelings.

On the topic of vibes and feelings, I often find it valuable to clarify what these elements represent in regard to the construct of beliefs. This is because people generally misuse these terms.

A “feeling” relates to either: 1. Emotion (i.e., joy, fear, anger, sorrow, disgust, surprise, etc.) or 2. Sensation (e.g., tightened or stiffened jaw). If the word “feel” (or any derivative thereof) can be replaced with “hunch,” “thought,” or “belief” (or any derivative thereof), it’s not a feeling.

Also, in common parlance, people often appeals to “vibes” (distinctive feelings or qualities capable of being sensed). One may say that a concert has “such a vibe” or, in Sonique’s case, the artist expressed that the man in whom she was interested gave her “such a vibe.”

With such use, a vibe is merely an emotion or sensation detectable to an individual. However, other people perceive events in a unique way, so what may be considered a vibe to one individual may not transfer to the exact emotive or sensational experience of another person.

Thus, it’s improper to say something along the lines of “I feel like you get my vibe,” because what one typically intends on communicating is “I believe that you feel what I feel.” Noteworthy, there’s a foundation for quibbling with this sort of linguistic misuse.

In REBT, unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant Consequences are rigorously Disputed. Yet, vibes and feelings (i.e., emotions and sensations) aren’t confronted. Proper use of feelings-based language affords a person the opportunity to examine the logic and reason one uses.

Bear in mind that in order for one’s self-narratives to be considered rational they empirically must remain in accordance with both logic and reason. This means that “vibes” and “feelings”—the Consequences of Beliefs—aren’t rational, because they’re the byproduct of cognition.

Think of it this way. If you love someone (Action) and experience unrequited love (Consequence), does your rejected sentiment (new Action) cause distress or disturbance (new Consequence)? If you’ve been paying attention thus far, then you know this isn’t the case.

Your B-C connection is what causes self-upset. Therefore, distress and disturbance are the byproducts of your self-narrative. There’s no use in Disputing your sorrow, disappointment, or otherwise (Consequences), because these elements are incapable of logic and reason.

They are simply the product of your Beliefs. So, using the ABC model, Disputation of unhelpful scripts—which are capable of rational or irrational function—can result in a preferred Consequence (i.e., better vibes and feelings). Do you understand this crucial distinction?

If not, I’ll offer one last example. You eat some sort of food that is high in protein (Action) and thereafter experience flatulence (Consequence). There’s a causative relationship between the protein-rich food and your farting behavior. I presume that you comprehend this.

If you then distressed or disturbed yourself with unhelpful Beliefs about having gas, it would be your unaccommodating script about the protein-rich food—not the food itself—that caused unwanted vibes (e.g., annoyance) or a bad feeling (e.g., bloat). Yet, you can’t un-eat the food.

Therefore, from an REBT perspective, you’d Dispute your Beliefs about the flatulence—not deny that you’re gassy. Whether you farted out the built-up gas or challenged the unfavorable scripts about farting behavior, you’d have a better vibe and feel so good after taking action!

That’s what was wrong with my opening sentence to this blogpost. As well, it speaks to the lyrics of “It Feels So Good”. Presuming that you recognize the difference between vibes/feelings and thoughts/beliefs, I now encourage you to pass cognitive gas through disputation. Release it!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, property of Armada Music, fair use

References:

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