Bemoaning My Suffering: Consequences of My Actions

[DISCLAIMER]

I enlisted in the United States (U.S.) Marine Corps in 1996, serving as military police and as a Marine Security Guard, with a final discharge from military service in 2007. Yet, that single sentence doesn’t provide a meaningful depiction of the in-service challenges I faced.

On June 5, 2002, under authority of the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ), I was subject to a non-judicial punishment procedure for failure to obey an order or regulation (Article 92) by disobeying a military protective order not to have contact with another married Marine as she was going through the process of divorce from her Marine husband.

As well, I was charged with and found guilty of inappropriate conduct (Article 134) for having inappropriate contact with the same woman who was married “by being in bed at their home without clothing.” I was reduced from the rank of sergeant to corporal.

From June 13, 2002 to June 18, 2002, I was placed in a naval consolidated (NAVCON) brig aboard Marine Corps Air Station (MCAS) Miramar, San Diego, California for pretrial detention.

From September 30, 2002 to October 23, 2002, I was again placed in the NAVCON brig aboard MCAS Miramar for pretrial detention. At that time, to prevent additional and ongoing brig placements, I signed a pretrial agreement that required me to plead guilty to a UCMJ charge.

On October 25, 2002, under the UCMJ, I was subject to a summary court-martial for failure to obey an order or regulation (Article 90) by disobeying an order not to have contact with the same female Marine. I was reduced from the rank of corporal to private first class.

On June 11, 2003, under the UCMJ, I was subject to a special court-martial for disrespect to a staff noncommissioned officer by use of language and deportment, and failure to pull over my vehicle, remain seated when being detained, and keep my hands on a wall during an arrest (Article 91).

As well, I was charged with violating a lawful general order by “not wearing [my] utility cover [“hat”] in [my] private owned vehicle while in uniform [and] attempting to access” a Marine installation (Article 92). I was sentenced to a bad conduct discharge (BCD). I then opted for voluntary appellate leave, pending appeal of the decision, as to prevent additional and ongoing brig placements.

In 2007, the U.S. Navy-Marine Corps Court of Criminal Appeals upheld my special court-martial decision and BCD.

In 2008, the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) formally recognized my character of service (i.e., discharge status) from 1996 to 2007 as “considered honorable” for VA purposes.

In 2008, the Naval Discharge Review Board (NDRB) upgraded my discharge to an under other than honorable conditions (OTH) discharge after I applied for character of service re-consideration.

In 2016, the NDRB declined to re-characterize my OTH discharge after I claimed posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and traumatic brain injury (TBI) were extenuating and mitigating factors regarding my maladaptive behavior when in the military.

In 2018, the Board for Correction of Naval Records (BCNR) declined to re-characterize my OTH discharge after I claimed PTSD and TBI were extenuating and mitigating factors regarding my maladaptive behavior when in the military.

In 2020, the BCNR declined to re-characterize my OTH discharge after I claimed PTSD and TBI were extenuating and mitigating factors regarding my maladaptive behavior when in the military.

In 2024, after receiving automatic reconsideration for which I didn’t apply, the NDRB declined to re-characterize my OTH discharge.

Given this information, there was a time when I endured suffering (the experience of pain or acute distress, either physical or psychological, in response to a physical trauma or a significant event, particularly one that is threatening or involves loss [e.g., the death of a loved one]).

Before learning about the psychotherapeutic modality that I currently practice, I engaged in quite a bit of bemoaning (regarding with displeasure, disapproval, or regret) about the self-induced suffering I experienced. Fortunately, I learned a method to stop upsetting myself.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to upset themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

For example, I received an OTH discharge (Action) and Believed, “My entire period of service was worthless [G], and this is intolerable [L]! In fact, it’s so terrible [A] that I shouldn’t have even enlisted [D],” as that unaccommodating script then caused suffering (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Favorably, between my 2008 NDRB and 2016 NDRB contact, I learned of REBT. Therefore, I no longer induced my own suffering or bemoaned my experience regarding an OTH discharge. The practice of Stoicism served me well, as Stoic philosopher Seneca once stated (page 276):

No one is crushed by Fortune, unless they are first deceived by her . . . those who aren’t pompous in good times, don’t have their bubbles burst with change. Against either circumstance, the stable person keeps their rational soul invincible, for it’s precisely in the good times they prove their strength against adversity.

Although I was a U.S. Marine, presumably considered strong by some people, I didn’t maintain “strength against adversity” prior to practicing REBT. I bemoaned my suffering and made things worse for myself. Of Seneca’s perspective, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 276):

In 41 AD, Seneca was exiled from Rome to Corsica—for what exactly, we are not sure, but the rumors were that he had an affair with the sister of the emperor. Shortly afterward, he sent a letter to his mother seeking to reassure her and comfort her in her grief. But in many ways, he must have been speaking to himself as well—scolding himself a little for this unexpected twist he was taking pretty hard.

Unfortunately, I know something about having “had an affair” and thereafter enduring the consequences of my actions—the often unpleasant results, effects, or outcomes which follow a specific decision or behavior. Let’s look at this matter using the ABC model.

From a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

For instance, from an A-C perspective, I violated the UCMJ when engaging in an intimate partner relationship with a married female Marine (Action). The Consequences of my Actions were multiple administrative and legal problems thereafter, to include placement in the brig.

Regarding a B-C view, I Believed, “My life is over [G], and I can’t stand this [L], because it’s so awful [A] that I ought to just give up [D],” and I then experienced suffering (Consequence). Apparently, Seneca had a similar experience, as authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 276):

He’d managed to achieve some measure of political and social success. He might have chased some pleasures of the flesh. Now he and his family were dealing with the consequences—as we all must bear for our behavior and for the risks we take.

Bemoaning my suffering, having experienced the consequences of my actions when in the military, I endured unpleasant outcomes in similar fashion to Seneca. Alas, this is common for fallible human beings. About Seneca’s life, authors of The Daily Stoic continue (page 276):

How would he respond? How would he deal with it? Well, at the very least, his instincts were to comfort his mother instead of simply bemoaning his own suffering. Though some other letters show that Seneca begged and lobbied for his return to Rome and power (a request eventually granted), he seems to have borne the pain and disgrace of exile fairly well.

I, too, lobbied the U.S. government for appeals regarding my case. In all, on five separate occasions—the last of which is likely the final opportunity for reprieve, I was denied an upgrade to honorable service characterization. Too bad for me!

It was unpleasant enough to have been placed in the brig, experienced courts-martial, and ultimately received an OTH discharge. Why bemoan my (self-induced) suffering when enduring consequences of my actions? In this vein, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 276):

The philosophy that he’d long studied prepared him for this kind of adversity and gave him the determination and patience he needed to wait it out. When he found his fortune restored as he returned to power, philosophy prevented him from taking it for granted or becoming dependent on it.

This was good because fortune had another turn in store for him. When the new emperor turned his wrath on Seneca, philosophy found him ready and prepared once again.

Fortunately, the VA recognizes my entire enlistment period as honorable. Even if this wasn’t the case, I could tolerate – rather than bemoan – the consequences of my actions without needlessly causing my own suffering. And do you know what else? You can do the same!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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