Endurance: Of Course

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Stoic philosopher Seneca, who stated, “Fortune falls heavily on those for whom she’s unexpected. The one always on the lookout easily endures” (page 353). I disagree with the ancient Stoic perspective of capital ‘F’ Fortune.

Fortune is a hypothetical force or personified power that unpredictably determines events and issues favorably or unfavorably. Alternatively, lowercase ‘f’ fortune is prosperity attained partly through luck—the events or circumstances that operate for or against an individual.

The claim that Fortune exists is unfalsifiable. However, expressing that fortune exists may better account for outcomes which may not be explained by empirical evidence or conventional wisdom (e.g., I was fortunate enough to be born in the United States, not the Soviet Union).

I won’t quibble with this distinction any further in this post. Thus, I concur with Seneca’s view regarding hopeful anticipation or disturbing expectation in relation to endurance (the ability to withstand hardship or adversity). Of this view, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 353):

There is a story of a Zen master [Ajahn Chah] who had a beautiful prized cup. The master would repeat to himself, “The glass is already broken.” He enjoyed the cup. He used it. He showed it off to visitors. But in his mind, it was already broken. And so one day, when it actually did break, he simply said, “Of course.”

Two personal anecdotes come to mind when reflecting upon the story of Ajahn Chah’s conclusion. First, I was bestowed a study Bible when in junior high school. Using it, I earnestly studied biblical scripture until someone stole the book. Back then, I didn’t know about REBT.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

From an A-C view, someone stole my study Bible (Action), thus I could no longer keep track of personal annotations which I’d amassed for a couple years (Consequence). I experienced negative and healthy distress. Yet, imagine that I endured negative and unhealthy disturbance.

From the B-C view, someone stole my study Bible (Action), I could’ve Believed, “Whoever did this is worthless [G], and I can’t stand the person [L], as this is awful [A], because no one should steal a Bible [D],” as I would’ve then endured an angry outcome (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

When my study Bible was stolen, I actually concluded, “If someone’s willing to steal a Bible, then the person needs the Word more than me.” Using that Effective belief, I experienced a negative and healthily distressed outcome in the form of disappointment (Consequence).

I was able to endure this fortunate outcome through use of my Christian principles and standards. Regarding a second personal anecdote, I used REBT to deal with misfortune. In 2016, my vehicle was run off the road (Action) and my car was totaled as a result (Consequence).

I retained receipts in relation to a customized car alarm ($199.99), wheels and tires ($1,605.61), car stereo ($3,763.81) and car stereo addition ($1,508.97), though I didn’t have receipts for the customized window tint or leather additions which totaled over $2,000.

Unfortunately, my car insurance provider refused to reimburse me for the over $9,000 of aftermarket customizations on my Honda Civic. Not only did I lose the favorite vehicle of my lifetime (thus far), I didn’t recoup my additional losses from the motor vehicle accident (MVA).

Nonetheless, I achieved healthy indifference by using unconditional acceptance (UA) to forego self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Although I didn’t know of Ajahn Chah’s story in 2016, I was able to healthily conclude that “of course this happened as it did.” Regarding Ajahn Chah’s conclusion, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 353):

This is how the Stoics think too. There is supposedly a true story about Epictetus and a lamp. He never locked his house, and so his expensive lamp was stolen. When Epictetus replaced it, he replaced it with a cheaper one so he could be less attached to it if it were stolen again.

Similar to Epictetus’s approach to rational living, I coped with my MVA by using a method of nonattachment (lack of attachment [emotionally connected: having strong feelings of affection or connection], as to worldly concerns). Of this approach, the authors conclude (page 353):

Devastation—that feeling that we’re absolutely crushed and shocked by an event [incorrectly endorsing an A-C connection]—is a factor of how unlikely we considered that event in the first place.

No one is wrecked by the fact that it’s snowing in the winter, because we’ve accepted (and even anticipated) this turn of events. What about the occurrences that surprise us [incorrectly endorsing an A-C connection]? We might not be so shocked if we took the time to consider their possibility.

Endurance—the ability to withstand hardship or adversity—can be achieved through use of UA, which is in accordance with Ajahn Chah’s conclusion. Therefore, when some undesirable event occurs, I invite you to simply and truthfully conclude, “Of course.” See how you feel thereafter.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, Designed by Magnific, fair use

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