Best to Live Your Life to the Fullest

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

In 1994, I sat in a dope spot (also known as a trap house) with an OG of a Crip set in Bomb City. The front door was barely intact, as the spot had been raided by a police tactical unit not long before that moment. With trash strewn throughout the house, the OG and I discussed his future.

Using the flimsy pages from the Kings James Version (KJV) of the Bible as rolling papers for marijuana, the OG rolled a joint as we listened to music from 2Pac. After listening to the Above the Rim soundtrack, we then listened to hip hop group Thug Life, of which 2Pac was a member.

In particular, we enjoyed the only studio album released by the group, Thug Life, Volume I (1994). Specifically, we listened to “Str8 Ballin’” that was produced by Easy Mo Bee. The track uses a sample of “What’s a Telephone Bill?” (1977) by Bootsy’s Rubber Band, as 2Pac states:

Best to live your life to the fullest

Be quick to kill the bull, got a pistol, motherfucker, better pull it

‘Cause even when they kill me

They can never take the game from a young G

We straight ballin’

Two forms of demandingness are used by 2Pac in the cited lyrics. First, the late rapper advised that you “best to live your life to the fullest.” This represents a flexible form of recommendatory should belief. Said differently, “I recommend that you should life your life to the fullest.”

The second advisement by 2Pac was “got a pistol, motherfucker, better pull it!” This represents an inflexible absolutistic should belief. Stated differently, “You absolutely should pull your pistol, because I’m pullin’ mine!” The first demanded form is helpful, though the second isn’t.

For the rest of the blogpost, I’ll focus on 2Pac’s first advisement. As the OG smoked weed from KJV papers, he discussed a belief of how he’d either wind up in the grave or in the pen. I don’t think his assumption was unusually prophetic, given the lifestyle he led.

He then paused our conversation to stand while holding a pistol in one hand and a joint in the other, as he sang “best to live your life to the fullest!” Ultimately, he wound up serving 30 years for a crime I’m unwilling to discuss. (There’ll be no dry-snitchin’ from me.)

In any event, the OG truly followed 2Pac’s advisement. Both individuals lived their lives to the fullest—one now in the grave and the other in prison. Rather than maximizing the impermanent and uncertain life I had left to live in ‘94, I chose to live a slower life than 2Pac and the OG.

You, too, have reasoned choice regarding how you live. Best to live your life to the fullest? How about considering all of your options, not solely the path that maximizes satisfaction? I could’ve chosen thug life. Favorably, I wound up with Stoic life. How about you? The choice is yours.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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