Humility vs. Perfectionism: C’est la Vie

[DISCLAIMER]

In childhood, my artistic skills were relatively good. For those who knew me when I used to draw – as I won art contests, surpassed the talents of other children through junior high school, and received many accolades – I was largely considered the best in my class at drawing.

Not uncommonly, my older sister used to playfully tease me for the manner by which I stuck out my tongue slightly when fully concentrating on art projects. Then, self-aware of my behavior, I reasoned that my quirky mannerism somehow helped me to focus and achieve better outcomes.

Yet, when entering high school, I realized that the peak of my artistic abilities had come and gone. Other youths my age were far better at drawing than I. Regarding my art skills, that’s when I developed humility, which the American Psychological Association (APA) thusly defines:

[T]he quality of being humble, characterized by a low focus on the self, an accurate (not over- or underestimated) sense of one’s accomplishments and worth, and an acknowledgment of one’s limitations, imperfections, mistakes, gaps in knowledge, and so on.

From my current perspective, through the proverbial lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I recognize that my development of humility was healthy. This is because when drawing throughout childhood, I sought unhealthy perfectionism, which the APA thusly defines:

[T]he tendency to demand of others or of oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance, in excess of what is required by the situation. It is associated with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and other mental health problems. —perfectionist adj., n.

As a matter of forthrightness, I now understand that my attempt to perfect my artistic skills was merely a method of controlling what I could, because I couldn’t influence the chaotic environments in which I was raised concerning either the homes of my mom or dad (separately).

I was overweight, introverted, called “ugly” and “retarded” by my mom, and with moving to a new home almost every year throughout my youth, I had few close friends. Therefore, a slightly protruding tongue when drawing award-winning art pieces was the least of my concerns.

As I transitioned into adulthood and began DJing electronic dance music (EDM), I used Chupa Chups lollipops to direct my focus, rather than sticking out my tongue. Still, having attained humility regarding my drawing ability, I wasn’t as focused on perfectionism when DJing.

As an example, if I made a mistake while drawing a picture in elementary school, I’d unhealthily self-disturb with irrational beliefs about the matter. That resulted in me furiously crumpling up many drawings and thereafter sulking for extended periods of time. Pobrecito!

Nevertheless, when DJing in adulthood, I treated mistakes as inevitable occurrences, so I’d healthily self-distress with rational beliefs about the matter. That resulted in the experience of frustration, annoyance, or disappointment, though I still handed out free mixtapes to people.

I was recently reminded of this matter when listening to an EDM DJ set by Viene. Noteworthy, as she spun her bass and dubstep set, I observed Viene’s quirky behavior whereby she sticks out her tongue slightly when concentrating on her mixing decks. Ahhh, a fellow traveler!

Photo credit (edited to conceal the identities of other people), fair use

In any event, I like that Viene posts her entire set list for home audience members. Not all DJs do this. As a matter of humility, Viene stated for one song on her list (capitalization and punctuation untouched), “Rumble Flip (AHHHH I COULD NOT FOUND THE ARTIST SORRY GUYS).”

Turns out, the original song is “Rumble Flip” (2024) by Keys N Krates. However, I can’t find who remixed the version spun my Viene. Alas, perfectionism wasn’t attained by either Viene or I. C’est la vie (“that’s life!” or “such is life!”)!

This helpful phrase of humility aligns with the REBT technique of unconditional acceptance. Now, irrespective of whether or not your tongue protrudes when you’re concentrating on a task at hand, I invite you to healthily declare “c’est la vie” when unhealthy perfectionism is at hand.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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