I Need You Right Now
When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.
For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.
It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.
An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.
Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.
While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.
Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.
Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.
Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.
For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.
Blending elements of funk, jazz, and soul music, the album Hot Shot (1976) by group Jr. Walker & The All Stars contains the song “I Need You Right Now”, featuring vocals by Thelma Houston. Lyrics include, “I need you here right now, to fill this emptiness.”
I note that there’s a meaningful distinction between wants and needs. Whereas a want in this context regards a desire to come, go, or be, a need in this sense relates to a lack of something requisite or useful. When combined to create demandingness, a need supposes a rigid desire.
With this clarification, I invite you to consider that on the album The Deepest Meaning (2012) by lyricist EVOLVE is the track “Need You Right Now”, which was produced by Quatro Beats. It samples “I Need You Right Now” by Jr. Walker & The All Stars and Houston.
Adding to Houston’s melodic vocal sample, EVOLVE states, “I need you right now! You gotta know, I need you right now!” In this context, the lyricist expresses two demandingness derivatives of should, must, or ought Beliefs when appealing to the phrases “need” and “gotta.”
Now, as to whether or not these Beliefs would cause distress or disturbance all depends on the manner in which they’re used. For instance, EVOLE may rationally say, “I need you right now! You gotta know, I need you right now” while on the phone with an emergency dispatch operator.
In this imagined scenario, suppose his three-year-old daughter is lying unconscious on the bathroom floor, having slipped and struck her head. Using his rational appeal for help, the lyricist may experience negative, but healthy fear. This is a normal and healthy response.
Alternatively, in another hypothetical example, EVOLE may irrationally say, “I need you right now! You gotta know, I need you right now” when on the phone with an intimate partner who left him. As I’ve used a serious scenario regarding a child, allow me to be silly for a moment.
Suppose that the lyricist’s partner decided to leave due to EVOLVE having used one too many Dutch ovens (lying in bed with another person and pulling the covers over the person’s head while flatulating, thereby creating an unpleasant situation in an enclosed space).
Irrationally Believing that he needs his partner, or that the person has gotta know that EVOLVE needs the individual who fled his home, he’ll likely experience negative, though unhealthy fear when the partner refuses his demand. Thus, the lyricist’s response is abnormal and unhealthy.
Understanding the distinction between rational beliefs which cause healthy distress and irrational beliefs which cause unhealthy disturbance is what I’ve aimed to impart herein. I don’t absolutely need you to recognize this difference, though you preferably gotta know it.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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