It Took a Lot From Inside of Me to Just Leave Silently

[DISCLAIMER]

On the mixtape Sinatra 2 (2017), by subjectively underappreciated lyricist Vado, is the song “Egos”. When filtered through the lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), particularly the ABC model, the track discusses unhealthy and healthy negative emotions.

For example, Vado states, “A good nigga, I tried to be. Hate when you lie to me. No more apologies, obviously. It took a lot from inside of me to just leave silently and not become violently, honestly.” In consideration of these lyrics, I’ll now share a brief lesson on REBT.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

For example, imagine that Vado’s intimate partner lied to him about being unfaithful to the lyricist. This will serve as an undesirable Action for two examples which demonstrate the ABC model. Noteworthy, the Action won’t change the Consequence of either scenario.

Vado’s partner lies about being unfaithful (Action) and he plausibly Believes, “This worthless bitch [G]! She makes me sick [L]! It’s so terrible that she cheated on me [A] that I oughta crack her upside her damn head [D]!” He then endures negative and unhealthy anger (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Alternatively, Vado’s partner lies about being unfaithful (Action) and he plausibly Believes, “A good nigga, I tried to be. Hate when you lie to me. No more apologies, obviously. It took a lot from inside of me to just leave silently and not become violently, honestly.”

He then endures negative and healthy disappointment (Consequence). Remember, the Action didn’t change the Consequence of either scenario. Rather, the mechanism that rendered an unhealthy or healthy negative outcome were the Beliefs hypothetically used by the lyricist.

As I’ve been subject to a similar situation as Vado described in “Egos”, “it took a lot from inside of me to just leave silently,” as I used a favorable Belief that caused a healthy and negative emotion (i.e., disappointment). All people involved in the matter benefitted in this regard.

I’d much rather “leave silently” than to engage in intimate partner violence. How about you? Is it worth staying in a potentially violent situation regarding an unhealthy and negative experience, or would you rather tolerate a healthy and negative outcome by use of a more favorable view?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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