Lucy Liu Them

[DISCLAIMER]

It isn’t necessarily easy to discuss one’s own past mistakes. Yet, here I am addressing my historic error in judgment. This will be done through the proverbial lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), with hope of helping others not to make the same mistake as I.

Many years ago, I met someone with whom I eventually entered into an intimate partner relationship. Herein, I’ll refer to her as “Daisy.” From early in our relationship, I suspected that Daisy was unfaithful (not adhering to vows, allegiance, or duty).

As an example, a number of my coworkers informed me of having partied with Daisy and how she apparently was flirtatious with them. As well, as our romantic relationship developed and we vowed to remain monogamous, I couldn’t ignore frequent reminders of her unfaithfulness.

On one occasion, when delivering food to her jobsite, I discovered a love note tucked under the windshield wiper of her car. She dismissed the matter as a prank. On another occasion, I heard her speaking about another man as she slept. She dismissed the issue as happenstance.

I saw her eyes light up when discussing other men, I was told that she was intimately involved with another of her coworkers, and many of the explanations she offered to explain these matters were irrational (not in accordance with both logic and reason). In all, she dismissed my concerns.

It’s reasonable to ask why I remained with Daisy, as this is one of the challenging elements of REBT. Rather than claiming that I was somehow victimized by Daisy’s actions, I take personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for my role in the relationship.

Of course, I’m getting ahead of myself. Back when I was with Daisy, I knew nothing of REBT. Therefore, I often self-disturbed (upset myself when using irrational beliefs). Rather than concentrating on what I could control or influence, I focused on changing Daisy’s behavior.

Specifically, we both enjoyed the spy action comedy film Charlie’s Angels (2000), so we were eager to watch Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (2003) when it was released. My favorite character from the film was Alex Munday, played by Lucy Liu.

In one scene of the latter film, Alex works undercover while dressed as a motocross rider. When a man approaches Alex, attempting to proposition her, she twice says “uh uh” to stop his advance. When he persists, Alex puts her hand to his face and assertively says “uh uh!!”

Photo credit, property of Sony Pictures Releasing, fair use

In another scene, again working undercover, Alex shuts down a man’s attempt to engage with her by thrice telling him “no” before he could finish his sentences. I was impressed with the depiction of Alex’s assertiveness which the American Psychological Association defines as:

[A]n adaptive style of communication in which individuals express their feelings and needs directly, while maintaining respect for others. A lack of assertiveness may contribute to depression and anxiety, whereas maladaptive approaches to assertiveness may manifest as aggression.

Apparently, later in life discovered that I wasn’t the only one to appreciate Alex’s character. For instance, on the album PSYLIFE.25 (2020), by Psy.P and Higher Brothers, was the track “Lucy Liu” that featured Bohan Phoenix. The lyrics celebrate Liu’s empowered character. Right on!

Yet, I’m again getting ahead of myself. Immediately after watching Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle with Daisy in 2003, I said to her, “Did you see the way Alex shut down those men who approached her? That’s what I want you to do. Lucy Liu them!”

Daisy dismissed my suggestion, as had been done on many previous occasions. “I don’t want to be rude,” she explained, “besides, you know I love you and only you.” The pacification of reassuring words quieted my self-disturbance… until it didn’t.

Eventually, my suspicions were confirmed with irrefutable evidence. I discovered that Daisy had been communicating with another man in a separate state via telephone and email. I accidentally stumbled across the nude photos she sent him after she forgot to sign out of her email account.

This is where REBT techniques could’ve been useful. In particular, there are two main techniques which are used in the interest of un-disturbing oneself: the ABC model and unconditional acceptance (UA). Now, I’ll discuss what ideally would’ve occurred with Daisy.

First, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is how self-disturbance occurs.

As an example, Daisy was caught cheating (Action) and I unhelpfully Believed, “She absolutely should’ve been faithful, and it’s horrible that she wasn’t! Daisy has no worth, and I can’t abide her!” With those uncompromising self-narratives, I was enraged (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

The process of challenging personal philosophies of life can take longer than I care to demonstrate herein. Thus, in the interest of time, imagine that after a period of rigorous Disputation I ideally concluded:

While Daisy preferably should’ve been faithful, it isn’t as though she absolutely should’ve behaved as I desired. Besides, I’m not entitled to any particular treatment from anyone! Therefore, it isn’t “horrible” that this has happened. It’s merely inconvenient.

And who am I to other-down Daisy’s worth as a fallible human being? She evidently has value to many men, as evidenced by plenty of instances about which I’ve been made aware regarding her behavior toward them. Thus, I can abide her. Still, I don’t have to stay with her.

Second, REBT uses UA to relieve self-induced suffering of the kind I experienced when self-disturbing about Daisy. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Ideally, I would’ve acknowledged that the only factor I truly controlled was my reaction to Daisy’s behavior (USA). As well, I could’ve recognized that my attempt to have Daisy Lucy Liu (verb form) other men was ineffective, as I had no actual influence over her (UOA).

Additionally, I may’ve admitted that a lifetime of interactions with imperfect complex systems (i.e., humans) is inescapably replete with impermanence and uncertainty (ULA). Consequently, using these UA considerations, I could’ve un-disturbed myself rather than being enraged.

Unfavorably, as expressed elsewhere herein, I knew nothing of REBT at the time. Ergo, from the moment I discovered that Daisy sent nudes to another man, we spent an unnecessary couple more years together. Those years, I’ll never get back, and nor will she. What a waste of life!

Favorably, I now understand that I can Lucy Liu self-disturbing beliefs on my own – irrespective of how others behave. When unhealthy philosophies of life creep in, I say, “Uh uh!!” As unproductive self-narratives appear, I say, “No!!” Now, you can also Lucy Liu them!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Assertiveness. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/assertiveness

Apple Music. (n.d.). Bohan Phoenix. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/no/artist/bohan-phoenix/502013056

Apple Music. (n.d.). Higher Brothers. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/higher-brothers/1149096753

Apple Music. (n.d.). Psy.P. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/psy-p/1373552959

Apple Music. (n.d.). PSYLIFE.25. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/album/psylife-25/1724854837

Clips Coded. (2025, May 13). Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (2003) - motocross chaos, angel-style [Image; video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/t_9hZ3Fr1Ns?si=jC0Dr5lvZ5SYvR8c

Hollings, D. (2024, May 22). A philosophical approach to mental health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-philosophical-approach-to-mental-health

Hollings, D. (2025, August 26). A preventative approach to self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-preventative-approach-to-self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, May 24). A scientific approach to mental health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-scientific-approach-to-mental-health

Hollings, D. (2025, August 26). An abortive approach to self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/an-abortive-approach-to-self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions

Hollings, D. (2024, August 7). Awfulizing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/awfulizing

Hollings, D. (2022, May 17). Circle of concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/circle-of-concern

Hollings, D. (2024, July 11). Concern and no concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/concern-and-no-concern

Hollings, D. (2023, April 22). Control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/control

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2024, October 21). Desire. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/desire

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2025, September 16). Dispute with respect. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/dispute-with-respect

Hollings, D. (2024, December 30). Empowerment. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/empowerment

Hollings, D. (2025, September 8). Entitlement. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/entitlement

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, May 11). Fallible human being. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fallible-human-being

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2025, March 5). Five major characteristics of four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/five-major-characteristics-of-four-major-irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations

Hollings, D. (2025, September 7). Have to. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/have-to

Hollings, D. (2024, August 9). Healthy concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/healthy-concern

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2024, April 27). Ideal-world vs. real-world. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/ideal-world-vs-real-world

Hollings, D. (2024, October 21). Impermanence and uncertainty. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/impermanence-and-uncertainty

Hollings, D. (2024, January 2). Interests and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/interests-and-goals

Hollings, D. (2025, June 13). It isn’t manly to be enraged. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/it-isn-t-manly-to-be-enraged

Hollings, D. (2025, May 2). It’s outside of my control and influence. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/it-s-outside-of-my-control-and-influence

Hollings, D. (2025, April 23). Judgment. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/judgment

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2023, January 8). Logic and reason. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/logic-and-reason

Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2024, October 14). Mistakes. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mistakes

Hollings, D. (2025, April 13). Non-aggression principle – Don’t put your hands on me. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/non-aggression-principle-don-t-put-your-hands-on-me

Hollings, D. (2025, April 21). Non-monogamous desires. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/non-monogamous-desires

Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

Hollings, D. (2025, September 15). One of life’s little inconveniences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/one-of-life-s-little-inconveniences

Hollings, D. (2025, January 7). Other-downing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/other-downing

Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership

Hollings, D. (2025, September 9). Personal responsibility and accountability. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-responsibility-and-accountability

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Preferential should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/preferential-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2025, August 13). Rational versus irrational thoughts and beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-versus-irrational-thoughts-and-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, December 5). Reasoning. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/reasoning

Hollings, D. (2024, July 18). REBT flexibility. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-flexibility

Hollings, D. (2023, February 17). Revisiting the circle of control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/revisiting-the-circle-of-control

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2023, September 6). The absence of suffering. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-absence-of-suffering

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2025, February 9). Value. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/value

Hollings, D. (2022, November 25). Victimhood. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/victimhood

Hollings, D. (2023, May 3). Want vs. need. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/want-vs-need

Hollings, D. (2024, April 10). Welcome to complex systems. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/welcome-to-complex-systems

Hollings, D. (2024, September 29). Well, well, well. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/well-well-well

Psy.P – Topic. (2024, January 15). Lucy Liu (feat. Bohan Phoenix) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/Gejb8kwkyHU?si=64dEbbP0zrpOAALa

VietonyGoodiez. (2011, May 18). Lucy Liu – How to say no [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/DjBxONtETYg?si=Udq1foHczjLkngPC

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Charlie’s Angels (2000 film). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlie%27s_Angels_(2000_film)

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlie%27s_Angels:_Full_Throttle

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Lucy Liu. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucy_Liu

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Motocross. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motocross

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Stephen Covey. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Covey