Remember Me: What Do You Have to Say?
Perhaps the most popular hip hop album during the time I was in high school was The Chronic (1992) by rapper, music producer, and record executive Dr. Dre, of N.W.A fame. I’d seen Dre perform in 1989, at the Nitro World Tour, and I highly anticipated release of The Chronic.
It was that album that introduced me to the work of Death Row Records lyricist RBX. He had his own style, recognizable voice, and poetic manner of saying things which I could easily remember. For context, the American Psychological Association thusly defines remembering:
[T]he process of consciously reviving or bringing to awareness previous events, experiences, or information. Remembering also involves the process of retaining such material, which is essential to learning, since without it one would not profit from training, practice, or past experience.
Given my appreciation for RBX, I eagerly purchased his debut studio album The RBX Files (1995). It contained the song “A.W.O.L.”, which was a diss track regarding Dre. On the chorus, RBX repeatedly asks, “Remember me?” when citing his credentials within hip hop history.
For what it’s worth, I remembered RBX when in the United States Marine Corps. Also, when serving as military police in Camp Kinser, Okinawa, Japan (1997-1999), I attended a graffiti seawall near the military installation, and left something on the wall for others to remember me.
Later, on his third studio album, The Marshall Mathers LP (2000), one of my top-five-dead-or-alive lyricists, Eminem, released the song “Remember Me?” that featured lyricists RBX and Sticky Fingaz, and which was produced by Dre and Mel-Man. I again remembered RBX.
Perhaps since having left a reminder in Okinawa during 1998, and when the latter track was released in 2000, my work of art was erased, covered up, or had simply faded with time. If so, that’s okay. Now, I recall the topic of remembrance while steadily reading a book.
As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.
Although it’s of no specific importance to me as to whether or not individuals remember me, I recognize that people throughout time have deliberated this matter. In this regard, authors of The Daily Stoic quote ancient Stoic philosopher Seneca, who stated (page 384):
For it’s disgraceful for an old person, or one in sight of old age, to have only the knowledge carried in their notebooks. Zeno said this . . . what do you say? Cleanthes said that . . . what do you say? How long will you be compelled by the claims of another? Take charge and stake your own claim—something posterity will carry in its notebook.
When reading Seneca’s words, I contemplate how often I’ve quoted other people within my blog. Will I be remembered for the innovation of my words, like RBX, or do I merely perform as the state bird of Texas, the mockingbird, and echo the sentiment of others?
Of this topic, authors of The Daily Stoic state, “Musing in his notebook about the topic of immortality, Ralph Waldo Emerson complained how writers dance around a difficult topic by relying on quotes. “I hate quotation,” he wrote. “Tell me what you know” (page 384).
When further contemplating the matter of original thought, by which others may remember a person, a psychoeducational lesson on REBT now comes to mind. For this matter, I’ll address a double meaning in regard to the question: What do you have to say?
REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.
Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness functions as a primary appraisal mechanism of self-upset. Often used in the form of should, must, or ought-type statements, these terms may also function as derivatives, such as gotta, have to, had better, has to, and so forth.
Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.
Given this framing of REBT, I now ask: What do you have to say? One meaning of this question serves as a matter of asking an individual to explain one’s actions, provide an opinion, or offer a defense. Regarding another meaning of the posed question, I ask: What do you have to say?
Do you have to say anything at all? In other words, must you say anything by which others may remember you in much the same way as I recall RBX? Would it be okay not to be remembered? Concerning the matter of remembrance, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 384):
It’s easier to quote, to rely on the wise words of others. Especially when the people you’re deferring to are such towering figures! It’s harder (and more intimidating) to venture out on your own and express your own thoughts. But how do you think those wise and true quotes from those towering figures were created in the first place?
Your own experiences have value. You have accumulated your own wisdom too. Stake your claim. Put something down for the ages—in words and also in example.
If others don’t remember me, my words, actions, or otherwise, that’s okay. No one has to remember be. How about you? What do you have to say? Moreover, what do you have to say? Must you say anything at all? Furthermore, do others have to remember you?
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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