That's House It Goes

[DISCLAIMER]

When listening to an electronic dance music (EDM) DJ set by Xenia Dia earlier today, I heard her spin the track “House It Goes” (2025) by Spartaque and As Ide. The song represents the genre of progressive house, a variant of my favorite EDM genre house music, as the lyrics state:

I heard this house is so much fun. Is that true? They say it’s wild when it’s one o’clock. It’s one. Is that true? Do people really come from miles around just to feel the rhythm pound? They dance until the morning light comes through. They love the sound, and I do, too. Oh, now, that’s house it goes!

I imagine the phrase “that’s house it goes” is a play on words for the idiomatic expression “that’s how it goes” which is used to say that it’s a fact that bad, undesirable, or disappointing things will happen sometimes (e.g., you’re thrown into a pool and say, “That’s how it goes.”).

Still, I suspect the phrase “that’s house it goes” also represents an alternative saying for when good, desirable, or satisfactory things occur (e.g., people love the sound of house music at one o’clock, it just turned one, and a partygoer gleefully states, “That’s house it goes!”).

This phrase is new to me, and I like it. When thinking of ways to work it into my typical lexicon, I think of how I approach daily practice of my preferred psychotherapeutic modality which is Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Allow me to provide a psychoeducational lesson.

First, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as self-disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to upset themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

For instance, you’re abruptly thrown into a swimming pool against your will (Action), and as a result your clothes become soaking wet (Consequence). From an A-C perspective, liquid water makes things wet. Now, for the sake of this scenario, let’s imagine that you can swim.

From a B-C outlook, you’re thrown into a pool (Action) and Believe, “Greg’s a worthless asshole [G], and I can’t stand that he’s thrown me into this pool [L]! It’s awful [A], because my free will must never be violated [D]!” With this mental script, you become angry (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

The process of challenging personal narratives can take longer than I care to demonstrate herein. Thus, in the interest of time imagine that instead of self-disturbing you use rigorous Disputation and come up with the following Effective new belief:

Greg’s not a worthless asshole. He’s merely a fallible human being. For all my life, I’ve dealt with imperfect people like Greg, so I can stand that he’s thrown me into this pool—even if I don’t like or love that he’s done so. Therefore, this experience isn’t awful, as I’m not entitled to the outcome of other people valuing my free will.

Second, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Suppose that when Greg tosses you into a pool you skip past practice of the ABC model. Rather, you go right to use of UA. In doing so, you admit that you have exceedingly limited control and influence in life. In fact, just about the only thing you control is your reaction to events (USA).

You further reason that you had no actual influence over Greg’s behavior, as flawed people generally act on their own accord—often irrespective of whether or not you agree with their behavior (UOA). Also, you say to yourself, “That’s how it goes in an imperfect life” (ULA).

Since having begun practice of REBT in 2009, not fully committed to the modality until a decade later, I’ve sought to challenge my use of UA. After having heard “House It Goes”, I think I’ll add to my UA repertoire the phrase “that’s house it goes,” as a matter of a perspective shift.

For relatively minor inconveniences, I can say to myself “that’s house it goes” (e.g., a lengthy wait at a checkout line). For more serious matters, I can stick with the usual “that’s how it goes” (e.g., being informed that a friend has died). And, yes, that’s actually how I respond!

Now, I offer to you this psychoeducational lesson on REBT. Even if house music isn’t something you find enjoyable, I suspect that you can come up with quick phrases to remind you of UA. Even if you can’t, then you’ll have the ABC model at your disposal. That’s house it goes!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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