Do You Really Gotta?

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

On his second studio album Chemical Warfare (2009), hip hop producer and sometimes rapper The Alchemist released the song “Smile” that featured lyricist Twista and neo soul singer-songwriter and record producer Maxwell. On the track, The Alchemist states:

Gotta keep movin’ the weight [drugs], winter, summer, spring to the fall

Gotta keep food on my plate, gotta keep [record] plaques on the wall

Gotta keep proving I’m great, I’m so sick of it all

Gotta keep a smile on my face, even if I slip and I fall

Gotta have a mask for the pain, if you want to master the game

Each instance of “gotta” expressed by the (sometimes) rapper represents a demandingness derivative. Whether or not The Alchemist uses these beliefs inflexibly or flexibly can make a world of difference regarding the consequences he’ll thereafter experience.

For example, stating that I “gotta keep proving I’m great” is a derivative of I “must keep proving I’m great.” Used conditionally, this belief will result in an unpleasant outcome. For instance, “either I gotta keep proving I’m great, or I’ll be so sick of it all” is an inflexible condition.

Alternatively, The Alchemist could maintain a flexible preference. As an example, “I preferably gotta keep proving I’m great, though I won’t be sick of it all if others consider me a ‘sometimes’ rapper instead of a phenomenal lyricist. Truly, I’ll be okay either way!”

Presuming you understand the distinction between inflexible and flexible demandingness derivatives, I invite you to ask yourself whether or not you genuinely “gotta” behave in various ways. Is life or death on the line (e.g., I gotta breathe oxygen in order to remain alive)?

If not, do you really gotta do whatever it is you believe you must, or could it be that you merely prefer that you gotta do this, that, or the other? Understanding this distinction can make a world of difference.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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