I Ain’t Fucking With You Niggas, for More Than a Couple Reasons
The above photo features me and my eight-years-younger half-sister (“Yee”) at my graduation in Bomb City, from Amarillo High School in 1995, as it was a joyous moment for us. Although we shared the same biological black dad, my late mom was white and Yee’s late mom was black.
In spite of everything, though Yee and I don’t reflect the same skin pigmentation, there are people who would classify us both as niggas. For context, one source states:
Nigga (also known as “the N-word”, is a colloquial term in African-American Vernacular English that is considered vulgar in most contexts of its use. It began as a dialect form of the word nigger, an ethnic slur against black people.
As a result of reappropriation, today the word is used mostly by African-Americans in a largely non-pejorative sense as a slang term referring to another person or to themselves, often in a neutral or friendly way. The word is commonly associated and prevalent with hip hop culture.
In My Ni, I stated that I “went through an evolution with use and then disuse of the word, having grown up biracial and once considering the phrase acceptable. Yes, dear reader, I used to use “nigga” as a term of endearment, though I now choose not to do so in my day-to-day speech.”
Even though I no longer verbally use the word nigga, I often write it for blog content relating to hip hop. Case in point, I’m currently writing about my experience with the album #AFRIKANFOLKMUSICFROMOUTTHEDIASPORA (2018) by lyricist Estee Nack.
A former member of the hip hop collective Tragic Allies, the lyricist released the song “LEGENDARYEXELLENCE”, produced by Vago, on the aforementioned anthology. On track, Estee Nack states, “I ain’t fucking with you niggas for more than a couple reasons (Fuck y’all).”
The word “fuck” is a vulgar expression for sex. However, one source states that the phrase “fuck it” is an “expression of great indifference or nonchalance.” Similarly, to declare that one isn’t “fucking” with other people regards an indifferent conclusion reached not to interact with others.
Also, as it’s used in the cited lyric, the American Psychological Association defines reason as “a statement offered to justify an action or decision or to explain the occurrence of an event.” For instance, one reason why I’m using the word nigga herein is because I’m quoting Estee Nack.
When recently hearing “LEGENDARYEXELLENCE”, I thought of Yee. Unfavorably, she and I no longer remain in contact. The last time we spoke was within hours of her mom dying, as my late stepmom was the one person in the world (the system of created things) who I most loved.
There are myriad reasons which I won’t address herein; yet, I recall telling my stepmom during one of our weekly telephone calls, “When you go, so goes the world.” One reason I stated this was because the system created by my stepmom and I wasn’t shared by other family members.
Thus, when I was notified of her death in 2020, so went the world of contact with my remaining family members. In essence, “I ain’t fucking with you niggas, for more than a couple reasons.” Now, I’ll illustrate the Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) tool I use in this regard.
I invite you to consider that REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).
With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).
The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.
Regarding my circle of control and USA, I acknowledge that I’m a fallible human being who cannot possibly control how other family members act. All the same, I can control my reaction to the myriad reasons why I’ve chosen not to maintain any further contact with my family.
Concerning my circle of influence and UOA, I admit that family members like Yee are also imperfect people. While each of us is capable of acting in ways which are good or bad, right or wrong, I cannot possibly influence those who aren’t open to persuasion for behaving differently.
Relating to my circle of concern and ULA, I recognize that, given the impermanence and uncertainty of life, the material world (i.e., the Earth) is as flawed as the immaterial world (e.g., relationships established with others). Thus, I won’t expect perfection from either type of world.
Pertaining to my area of no concern, an imaginary realm in which nobody uses the word nigga, beloved family members don’t die, and siblings remain in contact with one another forever, that’s not the world in which I actually live. Thus, I’m unconcerned with that imaginary world.
Ultimately, when looking at the above photo from my high school graduation and listening to “LEGENDARYEXELLENCE” while drafting this blogpost, I use UA when accepting that “I ain’t fucking with you niggas, for more than a couple reasons.” I’m content with this outcome.
By no means is this an ideal situation. Nonetheless, it is acceptable. Now, I encourage you to practice UA in your material and immaterial worlds. Perhaps you’ll say to yourself, “I ain’t fuckin’ with Deric, for more than a couple reasons, especially because he used the word nigga.”
C’est la vie. Losing the potential to influence you will never be as significant to me as having lost my late stepmom, so I ain’t fucking with you if you ain’t fucking with me, nigga! Can you, without rigid conditions, accept this outcome? If so, then you’re already practicing UA!
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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