If You’re a Fallible Human Being, Then So Be It: Go HAM

[DISCLAIMER]

With my approach to mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), I use unconditional acceptance (UA). When teaching psychoeducational lessons on this helpful tool, I invite people to accept – without unfavorable conditions – that they are imperfect.

For example, as a fallible human being, I don’t tell myself something along the lines of, “Unless I can be entirely without fault or defect, then I won’t endure without protest or reaction the fact that I maintain flaws!” This rigid unless-then conditional belief isn’t rational or healthy.

Specifically, I’ll never be free from flaw. Therefore, as one’s premise of a conditional belief goes unmet, one may then conclude that one’s inescapable fallibility is unacceptable. Rather than impacting my mental health is such an irrational and unhealthy way, I instead practice UA.

For instance, regarding my obviously imperfect human nature, I simply say to myself, “So be it!” This phrase is used to say that one is resigned to the fact that one can do nothing to change something. I’m literally helpless, yes, “literally,” at perfecting my imperfect nature. So be it!

Of this perspective, I’m reminded of the mixtape Thank H.E.R. Now (2011) by the lyricist Rapsody. It contains the song “So Be It” which was produced by the talented 9th Wonder and features lyricist Big K.R.I.T. The track details various scenarios, filtered through a UA lens.

To offer examples of how I’ve used this helpful tool regarding personal and professional aspects of life, I thank you for humoring me a number of anecdotes. First, I recently listened to an episode of Joe Rogan’s podcast during which he interviewed Dean Radin, as the latter stated:

I have a genetic mutation that created… like, most people when they exercise, you feel really good afterwards. I feel really exhausted. And I never understood why until many years later I realized that I have something called Gilbert syndrome [GS], which is a mutation of a liver enzyme. And you have no recovery time. […]

There’s some missing enzymes. And more importantly, the bilirubin, which is unconjugated bilirubin. You have way too much of it. So there’s an upside and a downside. The downside is that you can’t recover from exercise quickly, and so there’s a lot of fatigue that happens. The upside is that unconjugated bilirubin is an antioxidant. It’s one of the most natural antioxidants. So my cardiovascular system is like a 20 year old.

I, too, have been diagnosed with this relatively harmless condition, and for which there’s no apparent treatment or long-term harm. Although I have a lifetime of sobriety, many medical health professionals have accused me of excessive alcohol consumption, due to lab test results.

“Mr. Hollings,” a physician said to me years ago, “if you’re not forthright about the amount of alcohol you’re drinking, then I won’t be able to assist you.” I don’t drink! Now, give me processed sugar, and I’ll mainline that shit! But, drinking? It’s of no interest to me.

Fortunately, once I underwent specialized examination, I was ultimately diagnosed with GS. However, unlike Radin—who claims an inability to conduct physical training as a result of the condition, I go HAM (hard as a motherfucker) in my homemade gym!

While I can’t speak on behalf of Radin or others who’ve been diagnosed with GS, I simply acknowledge that I’m a fallible human being with a liver condition, helpfully tell myself “so be it,” and I refuse to use my medical diagnosis as an impediment to physiological fitness.

Second, shifting from a personal to professional anecdotes, I invite you to consider the cases of clients X, Y, and Z. Client X was reportedly diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) prior to working with me.

Helpfully, I’ve received specialized training for working with people who maintain personality disorder diagnoses. Once our therapeutic alliance was established, client X unproductively began using an excuse that went something like, “Well, I have BPD, so I can’t help it!”

This irrational justification was presumably meant to dismiss maladaptive emotions and behavior. Similarly, client Y informed me that symptoms relating to premenstrual syndrome (PMS) apparently prevented this individual from practicing the tools we used in our sessions.

“You don’t understand how difficult it is,” client Y told me, “because PMS makes everything worse!” Correspondingly, client Z expressed that pregnancy was why this individual supposedly couldn’t use beliefs which were in accord with both logic and reason (collectively “rational”).

“It’s just so hard,” client Z unconvincingly stated, “I can’t think rationally when I’m like this [pregnant].” In the cases of clients X, Y, and Z, each of these people was, is, and will be until they die—fallible human beings. Yet, none of them helpfully believed “so be it” or went HAM.

Instead, they used poor rationalizations—which isn’t the same mechanism as rational thinking or believing—regarding medical matters as evident reasons for why they apparently couldn’t accept their imperfection when in fact that merely wouldn’t accept their flaws—without conditions.

Now, I use the aforementioned personal and professional anecdotes for your benefit. If you’re a fallible human being, then so be it. Can you work with what you have? Can you go HAM? Are you able to unconditionally accept your imperfection? Of this consideration, I think of a book.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

UA is a major tool of REBT, as it’s steeped in Stoic philosophy. For example, I invite you to consider that authors of The Daily Stoic quote ancient Stoic philosopher and Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius of stated (page 322):

People aren’t in awe of your sharp mind? So be it. But you have many other qualities you can’t claim to have been deprived of at birth. Display then those qualities in your own power: honesty, dignity, endurance, chastity, contentment, frugality, kindness, freedom, persistence, avoiding gossip, and magnanimity.

Rather than focusing on what they don’t have or can’t do regarding GS, BPD, PMS, or pregnancy, people could instead consider what do have or what they can do in spite of these matters. Using a similar outlook, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 322):

It’s easy to blame our circumstances. One person curses that they weren’t born taller, another that they’re not smarter, with a different complexion, or born in a different country.

It’d be hard to find a single person on this planet—from supermodels on down—who doesn’t think they’re deficient in at least some way. But whatever your perceived deficits are, remember that there are positive qualities that you can develop that don’t depend on genetic accidents.

Here, “genetic accidents” allude to human fallibility. Even the most put-together person imaginable isn’t perfect. Therefore, why waste what relatively little time you have in life by focusing on what you aren’t? Why not focus on what you are? Moreover, why not go HAM?

So what, you have GS, BPD, PMS, or you’re pregnant? Use of rigid conditions about these imperfect matters isn’t likely to assist you with success concerning your interests and goals. Of this perspective, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 322):

You have the choice to be truthful. You have the choice to be dignified. You can choose to endure. You can choose to be happy. You can choose to be chaste. You can choose to be thrifty. You can choose to be kind to others. You can choose to be free.

You can persist under difficult odds. You can avoid trafficking in gossip. You can choose to be gracious. And honestly, aren’t the traits that are the result of effort and skill more impressive anyway?

Your reasoned choice about having GS, BPD, PMS, or being pregnant makes a difference. Do these matters define you? In Radin’s case, as I understand it, he didn’t follow through with his desired (i.e., interest) pursuit as a musician (i.e., goal). Ostensibly, GS defines him.

In similar fashion, will you allow BPD, PMS, pregnancy, or other matters determine what you can’t do, or will you focus on what you can do? If you’re a fallible human being, then so be it! Go HAM in other areas of your life. You have choices, so what will you choose?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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