Time Is on My Side

[DISCLAIMER]

*Fallen (1998) spoiler contained herein.

In the supernatural thriller film Fallen (1998), a detective investigates a string of murders and discovers that a demon named Azazel is responsible for possessing living beings through mere touch, as the detective is taunted by people around him singing the song “Time Is on My Side”.

As an aside, the Rolling Stones featured a version of “Time Is on My Side” on their album 12 x 5 (1964). Lyrics include, “Time is on my side, yes, it is!” Regarding one scene in Fallen, a convicted serial killer sings the song prior to his execution by way of the gas chamber.

Photo credit, property of Turner Pictures, Atlas Entertainment, and Warner Bros., fair use

I recall the death scene being viewed as subjectively funny, in a gallows humor sense, especially when I was twice placed in a military brig for pretrial detention in 2002. Specifically, one military member who’d already been convicted sought to make matters worse for himself.

With detainees and inmates standing outside of our respective pods for headcount, we were required to remain silent as the count was conducted. However, an inmate in the pod to my left loudly sang, “Time is on my side, yes, it is!” The on-duty brig guard wasn’t impressed.

Initially issuing a strong verbal reprimand, the guard became visibly angry when the inmate continued singing. When threats of solitary confinement didn’t shape the undesirable behavior, the guard – to use a colloquial term concerning nonadaptive behavior – lost his shit!

The guard began yelling at the inmate who kept singing the line from Fallen, in a similarly humorous fashion as represented in the film, as the guard called for backup. Eventually, the inmate was whisked away and placed in solitary confinement where he continued singing.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

From an A-C view, the brig guard heard an inmate loudly singing “Time Is on My Side” when instructed not to do so (Action), as none of his methods to stop the nonadaptive behavior were effective (Consequence). Yet, disobeyed orders didn’t cause the guard’s angry disposition.

Rather, the inmate sang loudly (Action), the guard likely Believed, “This guy is worthless [G], and I can’t tolerate his insolence [L], because it’ll be terrible if others perceive me as weak [A], so I absolutely should shut this guy up,” and the guard then lost his shit (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

I’d typically be less inclined to come to the defense of a brig guard, yet I’ll admit that the inmate who sang “Time Is on My Side” had previously antagonized him. Particularly, rapper Nelly released the song “Hot in Herre”, produced by the Neptunes, on his album Nellyville (2002).

The chorus states, “It’s gettin’ hot in here (So hot). So take off all your clothes (Ayy). I am gettin’ so hot (Uh, uh, uh, uh). I wanna take my clothes off (Oh).” The offending inmate formerly sang Nelly’s song while stripping off his clothes when the same guard was working.

That stunt earned the inmate a trip to solitary confinement, as well. Therefore, I suspect that the inmate was sending a message to the brig guard that time was apparently on his side. Although he was confined in the brig, he was going to make the guard’s shift a punishable offense.

Essentially, for the number of hours which comprised the guard’s shift, he would remain subject to punishment for policing the behavior of his fellow military members. Whereas the guard’s time policing the pod was limited, the inmate to my left had time on his side to wreak havoc.

To this day, I laugh when recalling how easy it was for the inmate to serve as a component in the A-C connection, about which the brig guard’s B-C connection caused negative and unhealthy anger. When he lost his shit, he also lost what little respect he had from those of us in the pod.

Losing his shit made him look like someone who was weak of character. His self-disturbed reaction reminds me of another brig guard who was given the name “Go-Go Boots,” because of how shiny his leather boots were. He lost his shit when detainees and inmates made fun of him.

All these decades later, I’m now reminded of my relatively little time spent in the Naval Consolidated Brig, Miramar. In specific, I’m reminded of how people choose to spend their time. For instance, authors of The Daily Stoic quote Seneca who stated (page 371):

Were all the geniuses of history to focus on this single theme, they could never fully express their bafflement at the darkness of the human mind. No person would give up even an inch of their estate, and the slightest dispute with a neighbor can mean hell to pay; yet we easily let others encroach on our lives—worse, we often pave the way for those who will take it over.

No person hands out their money to passersby, but to how many do each of us hand out our lives! We’re tight-fisted with property and money, yet think too little of wasting time, the one thing about which we should all be the toughest misers.

Rather than an absolutistic should Belief that causes self-disturbance, as illustrated regarding the brig guard in the blogpost, Seneca makes use of a recommendatory should Belief concerning time. Whereas the former is inflexible, the latter is flexible.

Explicitly, Seneca recommends that people should refrain from wasting time. After all, unlike Azazel in Fallen, you and I don’t have endless time on this Earth. Pertaining to this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 371):

Today there will be endless interruptions: phone calls, emails, visitors, unexpected events. Booker T. Washington observed that “the number of people who stand ready to consume one’s time, to no purpose, is almost countless.”

As the authors quote one of the figures of the so-called black elite, given Washington’s apparent view of wasted time, allow me to offer that in Careless With Time I quoted el-Hajj Malik el-Shabazz (i.e., Malcolm X), who is credited with having stated:

I have less patience with someone who doesn’t wear a watch than with anyone else, for this type is not time-conscious. In all our deeds, the proper value and respect for time determines success or failure.

In the grand function of life, time isn’t endlessly on our sides. Apparently, Washington and el-Shabazz were astutely aware of this truth about reality. Unfortunately, many people simply waste time, as though they have boundless time to waste. Of this, the authors state (page 371):

A philosopher, on the other hand, knows that their default state should be one of reflection and inner awareness. This is why they so diligently protect their personal space and thoughts from the intrusions of the world.

They know that a few minutes of contemplation are worth more than any meeting or report. They also know how little time we’re actually given in life—and how quickly our stores can be depleted.

In this cited text, authors of The Daily Stoic use a flexible preferential should Belief. Principally, philosophers, and perhaps others, maintain that “their default state should be one of reflection and inner awareness.” As well, the authors conclude (page 371):

Seneca reminds us that while we might be good at protecting our physical property, we are far too lax at enforcing our mental boundaries. Property can be regained; there is quite a bit of it out there—some of it still untouched by man.

But time? Time is our most irreplaceable asset—we cannot buy more of it. We can only strive to waste as little as possible.

Do you perhaps needlessly Believe, “Time is on my side”? If so, once the A-C connection of life reveals that the time you’ve wasted cannot be reacquired, then will you use a B-C connection to self-disturb about this realization? I suspect many people experience this type of self-upset.

If you don’t want to be like the brig guard I’ve addressed herein (not Go-Go Boots, though the other one), then you can stop being careless with time. Besides, all people who’ve lived have died. So, what will you now do, as you realize time never was endlessly on your side?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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