Unfavorable Conditions: Unconditional Acceptance, Not Radical Acceptance or Universal Acceptance
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What comes to mind when hearing the term unfavorable conditions? Do you imagine something like a small sea vessel navigating choppy waters of the sea?
That’s one way of thinking about unfavorable conditions, pertaining to circumstances, environments, or states which are disadvantageous, challenging, or harmful to success, growth, or well-being. Yet, that’s not quite what this blogpost is about.
Rather, unfavorable merely means that which isn’t pleasing. Also, when used in the context of this post, a condition means a premise upon which the fulfillment of a prerequisite depends, as in something essential to the appearance or occurrence of something else.
For example, I may have a favorable (that which is pleasing) condition for sailing. “If there isn’t inclement weather,” I tell myself, “then I’ll sail my boat today.” This favorable if-then formula may spare me needless difficulty with navigating choppy waters of the sea.
I could also use an unfavorable condition. “Either the weather will be pleasant today, so that I can go sailing,” I tell myself, “or my day is ruined!” This either-or formula unproductively establishes a prerequisite which is outside of my control and influence (i.e., the weather).
Therefore, as it pertains to the current blogpost, the term unfavorable conditions regards if-then, either-or, and other inflexible formulas of framing matters. With this in mind, I now offer a psychoeducational lesson that concerns unfavorable conditions. First, the American Psychological Association thusly defines acceptance:
1. a favorable attitude toward an idea, situation, person, or group. In the context of psychotherapy and counseling, it is the receptive, nonjudgmental attitude of therapists or counselors, which conveys an implicit respect and regard for their clients as individuals.
2. willing acknowledgment of validity or correctness. In the context of recovery from substance abuse and other addictions, it is essential for a person to accept that they have a problem before any interventions can be effective.
Now, as Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) was formed by the late psychologist Albert Ellis, who reportedly developed the first cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) psychotherapeutic modality in 1955, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding his book, Ask Albert Ellis?: Straight Answers and Sound Advice from America’s Best-Known Psychologist.
REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).
With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).
The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.
Pertaining to USA, UOA, and ULA, the key formula for successful UA practice is unconditional, not radical or universal, acceptance. This is a seemingly minor distinction that isn’t all that insignificant.
For context, one source states, “Radical acceptance is about accepting life on life’s terms and not resisting what you cannot or choose not to change. Radical acceptance is about saying yes to life, just as it is.” Now, consider that another source states:
For universal acceptance is the bedrock of non-acceptance: supporting, containing and holding it all. An all-embracing acceptance is already here (and always was), available for us to align with. We get to it by staying exactly where we are and noticing and admitting what’s here now, in the present moment.
From my REBT perspective, there’s nothing wrong with radical acceptance or universal acceptance. These are reasonable concepts. Nonetheless, “unconditional” concerns no premise upon which the fulfillment of a prerequisite depends.
Thus, regarding REBT, unfavorable conditions aren’t used with UA, because the REBT concept of unconditional acceptance has little to do with radical acceptance or universal acceptance, other than that all of these models relate to acceptance. Now, of UA, Ellis stated (page 16):
If you believe that you are a “good person” because of your existence, your humanity, and individual uniqueness you can’t lose – because, as long as you live, you will be alive, human, and unique. (So will all other people!)
You can therefore have what REBT calls unconditional self-acceptance (USA) and unconditional other-acceptance (UOA). Consequently, you will never damn yourself (by labeling yourself or being as “bad” or “no good”) and you will never damn other persons as “bad” or “no good.”
You will adopt the Christian philosophy, “I accept the sinner but not the sin.” That philosophy will help you be “good” even when you act “badly,” and to see others as “good” even when they perform badly.
That view of your worth and others’ worth as persons will work – even when you and they do poorly. Moreover, it will usually help you function better.
For when you give yourself conditional self-acceptance (which is often peculiarly called “self-esteem”), you only accept yourself when you perform well and are approved by significant others, and you likewise damn yourself when you fail.
This creates anxiety even when you succeed because you are ready to damn yourself if you fail in the future. So conditional self-acceptance or “self-esteem” may make you anxious (or depressed) and interferes with your performances.
Given this psychoeducational lesson on UA, even if you face unfavorable conditions in your environment, then you don’t have to maintain unfavorable conditions within your mind. See? I used a favorable condition in that last sentence, not an unfavorable condition.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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