If at First You Don't Succeed, Try, Try Again

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote Epictetus who stated, “If you are defeated once and tell yourself you will overcome, but carry on as before, know in the end you’ll be so ill and weakened that eventually you won’t even notice your mistake and will begin to rationalize your behavior” (page 194).

To properly frame Epictetus’s postulation through the proverbial lens of REBT, first some definitions are needed. When providing psychoeducational lessons on this psychotherapeutic model, I invite people to use thinking that is rational (in accordance with both logic and reason).

Here, “logic” is the interrelation or sequence of facts or events when seen as inevitable or predictable, and “reason” is a statement offered in explanation or justification. For instance, a modus ponens syllogism uses the following logical form: If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

If at first you don’t succeed (p), then try, try again (q). At first you don’t succeed (p). Therefore, try, try again (q). This prescription follows logical form. However, some people argue that it isn’t reasonable. For instance, I stated in a blogpost entitled The Definition of Insanity:

Often, I hear some variation of a quote attributed to the late German-born theoretical physicist Albert Einstein that proposes, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

Noteworthy, Einstein wasn’t a practitioner of mental, emotional, or behavioral health. He wasn’t a psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor, social worker, psychotherapist, or psychological therapist of any kind, to include functioning as either a theorist or academic in this field.

Furthermore, one source reports, “There is no substantive evidence that Einstein wrote or spoke the statement above,” as the resource proposes that the quote was actually found in a pamphlet printed by the Narcotics Anonymous organization in November 1981.

Moreover, physicists are practitioners of science. As such, it’s likely the case that Einstein was familiar with the scientific method [an empirical method for acquiring knowledge through careful observation, rigorous skepticism, hypothesis testing, and experimental validation].

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), a hypothesis is defined as “an empirically testable proposition about some fact, behavior, relationship, or the like, usually based on theory, that states an expected outcome resulting from specific conditions or assumptions.

It’s a matter of scientific function to test and retest hypotheses. Therefore, I argue that it is both logical and reasonable to “try, try again” when not achieving success when testing assumptions. Ergo, I maintain that the aforementioned syllogism can serve as a rational consideration for life.

Noteworthy, the APA succinctly defines rational thinking as “thinking according to logical rules, which is considered by many theorists to be a central part of intelligence.” This is an altogether different matter that rationalization addressed by Epictetus, as the APA defines this concept as:

[A]n ego defense in which apparently logical reasons are given to justify unacceptable behavior that is motivated by unconscious instinctual impulses. In psychoanalytic theory, such behavior is considered to be a defense mechanism.

Examples are “Doesn’t everybody cheat?” or “You have to spank children to toughen them up.” Rationalizations are used to defend against feelings of guilt, maintain self-respect, and protect oneself from criticism.

In psychotherapy, rationalization is considered counterproductive to deep exploration and confrontation of the client’s thoughts and feelings and their effect on behavior.

Per my interpretation of Epictetus’s supposition, the ancient Stoic philosopher advocated attempting different approaches to problem solving rather than making excuses (to forgive entirely or disregard as of trivial import) regarding one’s own irrational thinking and behavior.

He posited that “you’ll be so ill and weakened” by not making necessary changes that you may eventually forget the mistakes you’ve made. When thinking deeper about this matter, I’m reminded of a matter which one source attributes to Canadian humorist Stephen Leacock:

According to all the legends and story books the principal factor in success is perseverance. Personally, I think there is nothing in it. If anything, the truth lies the other way.

There is an old motto that runs, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” This is nonsense. It ought to read — “If at first you don’t succeed, quit, quit at once.”

If you can’t do a thing, more or less, the first time you try, you will never do it. Try something else while there is yet time.

Can you imagine the scientific setbacks humanity would experience when using this form of rationalization? “Oh well,” a person decides, “I tried and failed the first time. I may as well quit!” Further contemplating this irrational approach to life, a personal anecdote comes to mind.

I married a woman in December 2002. Retrospectively, neither of us was psychologically prepared for the challenge of marriage. Nevertheless, we persevered in our attempt to “try, try again” when experiencing significant martial problem after problem.

The marriage ultimately dissolved, and that was for the best. Still, I took many helpful lessons from that lived experience. Among them, I learned the value of hypothesis testing. My wife and I attempted an unhelpful approach to marriage, and then we tried, tried again when that failed.

Many attempts were made. And to the skeptical reader who insistently defines such behavior as “insane,” my wife and I altered our experimental design. After all, both of her parents were professional scientists. We tried to remain as rational as possible with our attempts at success.

Such behavior wasn’t akin to the rationalization of a strategy involving the motto, “If at first you don’t succeed, quit, quit at once.” With each failed attempt, to include the inevitable conclusion of a divorce, I think we both built individual resilience. We could each tolerate hard situations.

In REBT, this helpful outcome is known as high frustration tolerance (the ability to withstand frustrating, annoying, disappointing, and even highly distressful circumstances without self-disturbing). I can attest that my marriage and divorce weren’t easy, yet “easy” wasn’t the goal.

The end to which effort is applied when building resilience is to “try, try again” and to withstand the unpleasant outcomes you experience. Then, as advocated by Epictetus, learn from your mistakes. Persevere while also learning and adjusting your approach. That’s the goal!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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