You Should Walk Away With Something
When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.
For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.
It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.
An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.
Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.
While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.
Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.
Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.
Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.
For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.
Imagine that you come across a hip hop album with a young, black youth holding a pistol. As you hear (to perceive or become aware of by the ear), though don’t listen (to pay attention to sound) to, various songs on the anthology, you hear “you should walk away with something.”
Having familiarized yourself with the ABC model by this point in the blogpost, you recognize that the term “should” is a demandingness belief. When hearing the cited lyric, you contemplate whether this demand is flexible or inflexible. As you understand REBT, what do you conclude?
If you’ve determined that context is needed, then you’ve properly understood how the ABC models works. Well done! Merely using demandingness narratives or beliefs isn’t a problem. In fact, not all uses of should, must, or ought-type demands will cause distress or disturbance.
On the album Baby (Being a Black Youth) (2020), by lyricist One Be Lo (of Binary Star), is the track “Be Always Beside You (IYWMTS)” which features lyricists Jean Grae and Phonte (of Little Brother), and that features production by Miles Bonny, Kaye “Ka Di” Thomas, and Eric G.
On the track, One Be Lo states, “Cool with the J, and the Ladies all Love him. In malls, schools, and church, they flock by the hundreds. Girls, four to one, you should walk away with something—at least get her name and her number.” Ergo, the previously cited lyric is flexible.
Specifically, One Be Lo advocates people communing with one another, not harming each other—as per the initial hypothetical scenario I proposed. Therefore, the recommendatory demand “you should walk away with something” regards receipt of a name or phone number.
Statistically, if there’s a ratio of four women to one man in a social setting, then the likelihood of securing an intimate partner relationship for the self-motivated man who favors women (who correspondingly favor men) is promising. In any event, context matters regarding demands.
Now, I invite you to consider flexible, rather than inflexible, demands. In the way used by One Be Lo, neither distress nor disturbance would likely occur. Rather, you may hopefully initiate meaningful dialogue to begin a romantic relationship, or else you may walk away with nothing.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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