How Could This Happen to Me?

[DISCLAIMER]

On the second studio album Still Not Getting Any... (2004) by Canadian rock band Simple Plan is the song “Untitled (How Could This Happen to Me?)”. Describing the video for the track, one source states:

The music video tells a story of a car crash on a rainy evening where a young male drunk driver crashes his Toyota Camry head-on into a Trans Am driven by a female, resulting in her death. The drunk driver, however, survives relatively uninjured, and ends up arrested by the FBI and the BATF. The video was filmed near the famous tunnel in Griffith Park, Los Angeles. […]

Simple Plan explained the events in the video:

This song is a very personal look at what happens when tragedy hits close to home and we wanted to make a video that was as powerful and as special as the song was to the five of us.

Over the last few years, a lot of people we know have been involved in tragic accidents caused by drinking and driving. One of the students at our high-school crashed his car driving back from a weekend trip and killed his best friend. It was a very sad time that none of us will ever forget.

This is the story we wanted to tell with this video: the story of all the innocent victims caused by drinking and driving.

Having worked as military police during my time in the United States (U.S.) Marine Corps (1996-2007), I responded to a number of motor vehicle accidents (MVAs). Some of them were related to DUI (Driving Under the Influence) and DWI (Driving While Intoxicated/Impaired).

I appreciate that Simple Plan spread awareness about DUI/DWIs with their song and video. In particular, I like that the chorus addresses the perspective of regret (an emotional response to remembrance of a past state, condition, or experience that one wishes had been different):

How could this happen to me?

I’ve made my mistakes

Got nowhere to run

The night goes on as I’m fading away

I’m sick of this life

I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me?

Although the Simple Plan song addresses MVAs, it very well could apply to virtually any undesirable event regarding which unhelpful beliefs are used that cause unpleasant outcomes. For context, I invite you to consider the view of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to upset themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance (LFT), awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

From an A-C outlook, impaired driving (Action) could result in a DUI/DWI MVA (Consequence). However, using direct quotes from “Untitled (How Could This Happen to Me?)”, let’s examine effects of the B-C connection regarding the same undesirable event.

A DUI/DWI MVA occurs (Action) and one Believes, “I can’t stand the pain’, ‘and I can’t erase the things that I’ve done!” The first quote regards an LFT narrative and the second quote is a distorted inference of demandingness (i.e., I must be able to erase the things that I’ve done).

When using these unhelpful scripts, one may then experience the Consequence of distress (e.g., regret) or disturbance (e.g., depression). Given this B-C framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Additionally, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering (i.e., distress or disturbance). This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

In “Untitled (How Could This Happen to Me?)”, the impaired driver could admit that he’s a fallible human being who makes mistakes—even those that may result in the loss of life during DUI/DWI MVAs (USA). Per one source, 34 people die per day in the U.S. due to drunk driving.

Unfortunately, the imagined character in the Simple Plan song may not be able to be convinced not to drive under the influence or when intoxicated (UOA). For each of us who navigate the roadways of the U.S., it’s reasonable to conclude that drunk drivers are likely among us.

As well, even though we may not like or love that this is the case, people die from a great many events during life (ULA). According to one source, people in the U.S. have one in 101 odds of dying in an MVA, though one in six odds from heart disease and one in seven odds from cancer.

Even the “all preventable causes of death” odds are one in 22. This category includes elements such as tobacco use, lack of exercise, obesity, poor diet, lack of or improper us of safety interventions (e.g., no slip mat in the shower), edging too close to a cliff side for a selfie, etc.

Ultimately, given the many methods of death and abundant opportunity for making mistakes in life, it’s understandable how one may ask “how could this happen to me?” Still, whether or not one self-distresses or self-disturbs is another matter altogether.

Thus, although the Simple Plan track addresses MVAs, it very well could apply to virtually any undesirable event regarding which unhelpful beliefs are used that cause unpleasant outcomes. Now, how will you react when unfavorable events occur? Will you helpfully practice REBT?

Or will you instead find yourself standing in the metaphorical rain of self-induced suffering while unhelpfully self-victimizing by asking, “How could this happen to me?” To have killed someone in a DUI/DWI MVA is unpleasant enough.

So, too, is being diagnosed with heart disease, because you unproductively didn’t take proper care of your health. Irrespective of the undesirable event, you don’t have to also endure an unpleasant outcome. The choice is yours to make. So, how will you react?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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