No Matter Where You Run, You Just End Up Running Into Yourself.

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Significantly, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

Noteworthy, with my approach to care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), I invite people to consider mental scripts which are rational (in accordance with both logic and reason) – especially regarding events which correlate with strong feelings.

Logic is the interrelation or sequence of facts when seen as inevitable or predictable, and reason is a statement offered in explanation or justification. As such, I often use syllogisms (deductive schemes of formal argument consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion).

Importantly, a syllogistic statement, proposition, or belief may be logical while simultaneously unreasonable. In this case, even though the logic consequentially follows (the conclusion is a necessary and inevitable result of previous facts or premises), it’s considered irrational.

While still functioning as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Thus, rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

As well, a rigid form of irrational belief results in self-disturbance (e.g., rage) while a flexible form of rational belief results in self-distress (e.g., righteous indignation). Ergo, what one thinks, feels (i.e., emotions and sensations), and behaves reveals what type of beliefs are being used.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Remarkably, natural forms of distress are tolerable (e.g., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. In particular, I invite you to consider use of a hypothetical syllogism.

Form –

If p, then q; if q, then r; therefore, if p, then r.

Example –

Major premise: If I routinely practice REBT, then I’ll likely self-disturb less.

Minor premise: If I’ll likely self-disturb less, then I’ll probably have a better life.

Conclusion: Therefore, if I routinely practice REBT, then I’ll probably have a better life.

Presuming that you understand the function of hypothetical beliefs, I’ll now offer another example that was featured on the song “Things We Couldn’t Mention”, produced by Panik, from lyricist Gavlyn’s album Modest Confidence (2014).

The track contains an audio sample from the film Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961). Specifically, Paul Varjak professes his affection for Holly Golightly, though the latter remains obstinately in rejection of his love—which he describes as a form of possession, as he thusly responds to her:

Paul: You know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You’re chicken! You’ve got no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, “Okay, life’s a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.”

You call yourself a “free spirit,” a “wild thing,” and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well, baby, you’re already in that cage! You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the West by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.

[Paul takes out the ring and throws it in Holly’s lap.]

Paul: Here. I’ve been carrying this thing around for months. I don’t want it anymore.

[Holly considers the consequences of her actions in Paul’s absence. She then chases after him, meeting him as rain falls, and the couple passionately kisses.]

For now, I’ll set aside my critique on the cultural dynamics of the ‘60s, which were influenced by feminism. Rather, I’ll offer an aside in the way of a hypothetical belief espoused by lyricist Positive K on his song “I Got a Man”, from the album The Skills Dat Pay da Bills (1992):

You know what they say about those who sweat theyself

You might find yourself by yourself

I’m not waitin’, because I’m no waiter

So when I blow up, don’t try to kick it to me later

Form –

If p, then q; if q, then r; therefore, if p, then r.

Example –

If you sweat yourself (p), then I’ll leave you alone and find someone else (q). If I’ll leave you alone and find someone else (q), then you might find yourself by yourself (r). Therefore, if you sweat yourself (p), then you might find yourself by yourself (r).

In Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Holly apparently came to the realization that if she continued sweating herself, then she may’ve ended up finding herself by herself. What helped her arrive at this conclusion? I suspect that Paul’s following hypothetical belief contributed to her decision:

Form –

If p, then q; if q, then r; therefore, if p, then r.

Example –

If you run (p), then you may run far away from me (q). If you may run far away from me (q), then you’ll just end up running into yourself, because no matter where you go, there you are (r). Therefore, if you run (p), then you’ll just end up running into yourself, because no matter where you go, there you are (r).

Irrespective of whether or not Holly chose to reciprocate Paul’s affection in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, as she presumably was influenced by feminist rhetoric up until she considered the consequences of her actions, I find meaning in Paul’s rational consideration.

No matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself. Your beliefs—whether rational, irrational, or otherwise—go with you. Therefore, similar to how Holly contemplated her decision, I encourage you to intently consider whether or not your behavior serves you well.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, property of Paramount Pictures, fair use

References:

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Hollings, D. (2025, August 2). My philosophy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-philosophy

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Hollings, D. (2025, January 7). Other-downing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/other-downing

Hollings, D. (2025, May 3). Predictability of logic. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/predictability-of-logic

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