The Whole World Doesn’t Give a Fuck About Your Problems

[DISCLAIMER]

On her album It Gets Greater Later (2016), lyricist Tiff the Gift released the track “Love Rules the Streets”, featuring lyricists Awon and Dephlow, and produced by Phoniks. The first verse of the song contains the line, “The whole world doesn’t give a fuck about your problems.”

For context, the phrase “give a fuck” is similar to the saying “give a damn,” as it regards a vulgar slang idiom meaning to care, show interest, or be concerned about someone or something. Therefore, to not “give a fuck” means that someone is disinterested in someone or something.

Also, “problems” are merely questions raised for inquiry, consideration, or solution. Thus, stating that “the whole world doesn’t give a fuck about your problems” expresses that people are disinterested in your unanswered questions which are raised in search of a solution.

Having begun the informal practice of life coaching in 1991, transitioning into the formal practice of psychotherapy in 2011, I can confidently say that the quoted line from “Love Rules the Streets” is often, yet not always, true (being in accordance with the actual state of affairs).

As I said on Problems, “[O]n their 1995 album Labcabincalifornia, hip hop group The Pharcyde stated on the classic track ‘Runnin’,’ ‘There comes a time in every man’s life when he’s gotta handle shit up on his own. Can’t depend on friends to help you in a squeeze. Please, they got problems of their own.”

People deal with their own problems. This includes your coworkers, friends, family members, intimate partners, other loved ones, and virtually anybody else. We’re all likely dealing with unanswered questions of our own, so that leaves little time or energy to deal with your issues.

This is why professional providers of care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”) exist. We’re paid to try to assist you with your problems. Now, consider this matter through the proverbial lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

From an A-C view, the world doesn’t give a fuck about your problems (Action), so you’re left to resolve issues on your own (Consequence). Still, from a B-C perspective, you may experience negative and healthy distress or negative and unhealthy disturbance in this regard.

Suppose that you’re left to resolve issues on your own (Action) and you Believe, “People are useless to me [G], and I can’t bear how they neglect me when I have problems [L], because that’s downright awful [A], as I should be able to count on others in my time of need [D]!”

With this unhelpful GLAD Belief, you then experience negative and unhealthy anger and aggression (Consequence). This emotional reaction may also include elements of cognitive (e.g., ruminating thoughts), sensation (e.g., chest tightness), and behavior (e.g., punching a friend).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Imagine that instead of using a self-disturbing Belief, you instead used the Effective new belief, “The world doesn’t give a fuck about my problems, and nor should it! This problem that I’m facing is an iss-ME, not an iss-YOU. It’s my issue, not someone else’s!”

With this helpful outlook, you’d then endure negative and healthy frustration, annoyance, or disappointment. This self-distressed outcome aligns with the goal of REBT practice. Also, you may want to strive for healthy indifference in this regard. Let’s explore this option!

To achieve this result, you may consider that REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Regarding your circle of control and USA, you can acknowledge that you control your reaction to undesirable events. Concerning your circle of influence and UOA, you can admit that the whole world doesn’t give a fuck about your problems, and nor should it. Iss-MEs, not iss-YOUs.

Relating to your circle of concern and ULA, you can recognize that you’re gonna die someday, as many of your problems won’t be resolved. As for your area of no concern, an imaginary problem-free realm, that’s the stuff of a dream world – not this world! Focus on what’s real.

The whole world doesn’t give a fuck about your problems. You can self-disturb with irrational beliefs about this matter. You may also self-distress with rational beliefs. Still, you very well may choose healthy indifference. No matter what you choose, it’s an iss-ME, not an iss-YOU.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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