Light at the End of Your Tunnel

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

For this post, I thank you for granting me a personal anecdote. During the challenging time of my divorce, I experienced significant symptoms of depression. From an REBT point of view, I self-disturbed with irrational beliefs about how matters shouldn’t have unfolded in my marriage.

Chiefly, I concluded that I absolutely shouldn’t have experienced divorce. Given the ABC model framing of matters, a helpful tool of REBT that addresses how people distress or disturb themselves with beliefs about undesirable events, I caused my own experience with depression.

This relates to Stoicism, as ancient Stoic philosopher Epictetus stated, “It isn’t events themselves that disturb people, but only their judgments about them” (page 118). Along with telling myself what shouldn’t have occurred, I made myself miserable by believing it was an awful situation.

Also worth noting, ancient Stoic philosopher and Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius stated, “When you are distressed by an external thing, it’s not the thing itself that troubles you, but only your judgment of it. And you can wipe this out at a moment’s notice” (page 342).

I unhelpfully believed that I shouldn’t have endured a divorce, it was an awful situation, that I couldn’t stand the dissolution of my marriage, and life was worthless without my wife. During that period of time, my late stepmom was dedicated to trying to keep me and others alive.

Specifically, I had significant suicidal and homicidal ideation. “Baby,” my stepmom continually told me, “this, too, shall pass.” As well, on a couple of occasions, she stated something like, “Before you know it, you’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it won’t be another train.”

The idiomatic phrase a light at the end of the tunnel regards a reason to believe that a bad situation will end soon, or that a long and difficult job will be finished soon. Additionally, evoking mental imagery of “another train” infers that hope may result in despair.

Each time I could glimpse some proverbial light at the end of my tunnel of life, representing hope, my irrational train of beliefs knocked me into despair. Eventually, hopeful train lights (i.e., the helpful anticipation of relief) represented despairing expectation (i.e., self-disturbance).

Therefore, I wanted out of the tunnel altogether (i.e., I wanted to die). Gratefully, my stepmom’s words of encouragement about a light at the end of the tunnel one day not representing a train were true. Reflecting upon this anecdote, I consider that Gaius Musonius Rufus said (page 356):

As for me, I would choose being sick over living in luxury, for being sick only harms the body, whereas luxury destroys both the body and the soul, causing weakness and incapacity in the body, and lack of control and cowardice in the soul. What’s more, luxury breeds injustice because it also breeds greediness.

The distinction between physiological versus psychological illness is what I take away from this quote. For instance, I’d much rather endure the flu than to experience depression. Regarding this distinction, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 356):

Stories about lottery winners tend to share one lesson: suddenly coming into a great deal of money is a curse, not a blessing. Just a few years after they get their big check, many lottery winners are actually in worse financial shape.

They’ve lost friends, they’ve gotten divorced. Their whole lives have been turned into a nightmare as a result of their obscenely good fortune.

Although I don’t participate in forms of gambling, such as the lottery, I did treat my marriage as though it was some type of jackpot. In a relatively short period of time, my “obscenely good fortune” resulted in ruin. Of this experience, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 356):

It’s like that Metallica lyric (fittingly from a song called “No Leaf Clover” [featuring the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra, and featured on the 1999 album S&M]): “Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel / Is just a freight train coming your way.”

Sometimes, even if not caused by beliefs about an event, a light at the end of one’s tunnel may actually be a train. As an obvious example, if you’re traversing through a literal train tunnel, then the light at the end of that tunnel may be a freight train. You very well may die!

Still, from a Stoic-inspired ABC model framing of undesirable events such as the likelihood of death by train, what you tell yourself about the light at the end of your tunnel—whether literally or figuratively—is what causes your reaction. Ergo, the authors thusly conclude (page 356):

And yet the most common response from a cancer survivor, the person who went through the thing we all dread and fear? “It was the best thing that ever happened to me.” Funny how that works out, isn’t it?

I don’t see commonality in a perspective used by the authors. Namely, I don’t “dread and fear” death. Rather, I long for the train at the end of my proverbial tunnel. Only, I have the (current) moral and ethical stance that this result preferably shouldn’t come about by my own actions.

Thus, I try to help others endure a walk through the tunnel of life until my train shows up. In this way, I’m content (for now). How about you? What may you tell yourself about the light at the end of your tunnel? Are you content until an end results—whether a train, an exit, or otherwise?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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