Delightfully Disappointed

[DISCLAIMER]

*Stranger Things spoilers contained herein.

Photo credit, property of Netflix, fair use

When season one of the science fiction television series Stranger Things first aired in 2016, I enjoyed it quite a bit. Mainly, the show was chock-full of ‘80s nostalgic iconography and expressions, and I liked seeing a ragtag group of friends fortified through their love of a game.

Although in childhood I was forbidden from interacting with the fantasy tabletop role-playing game Dungeons & Dragons, I appreciated how characters Mike, Will, Lucas, and Dustin bonded over their interests and goals when engaging in gameplay. Episode after episode, I was amused.

Then, seasons two and three followed. I was less entertained. Once season four aired, I’d forgotten most of what I found so familiar with the series in the first place. And while I’m far from a classically trained film critic, I couldn’t ignore storytelling techniques which I didn’t like.

For instance, I saw retroactive continuity (a literary device in fictional storytelling whereby facts and events established through the narrative are adjusted, ignored, supplemented, or contradicted by a subsequently published work that re-contextualizes or breaks continuity with the former).

As an example, earlier seasons implied that the character Mind Flayer was the primary antagonist, though it was later established that the character Vecna was influencing events all along. Season five attempted to clarify this matter, yet I was largely disinterested by season four.

As well, the entire series after season one was plagued by enforced representation (an attempt to authentically give character depth and complexity, rather than falling back on typical stereotypes or token inclusivity for the sake of mere symbolism). This is the way of modern filmmaking.

For example, by season five, Will has an elaborate coming out scene, Erica continues the trope of a sassy black female, Nancy appears to be 90-pounds soaking wet, yet can somehow dominate sizable men in armed conflict, and Robin is a hip-chick lesbian who has very few flaws. Boring!

I could go on and on about the pointlessness of characters such as Argyle, Kali, and Keith, or how Murray’s character was underutilized in season five, how questionable it was that Steve’s character depth was reduced to little more than a sexual education teacher, and so forth.

I could even rip to shreds obvious potholes, as one source has already done. However, Stranger Things is a source of entertainment. That’s it! It has no control over any facet of my life. Therefore, what does it matter whether or not I could bitch, moan, or whine about the series?

Apparently, a lot of people don’t share my balanced view. For instance, consider the subreddit Stanger Things. There’s no shortage of people expressing distress and disturbance about the series. For context, allow me to discuss Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

First, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as self-disturbance.

Moments ago, I mentioned “distress and disturbance.” It may be of some use to differentiate between these two terms. Per one REBT source (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [i.e., Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

For the current psychoeducational lesson on REBT, I invite you to consider that common and appropriate distress relates to Consequences such as frustration, annoyance, disappointment and so forth. These are tolerable and healthy outcomes stemming from your rational Beliefs.

Alternatively, familiar and inappropriate disturbance relates to Consequences such as rage, depressive symptoms, unrelenting fear, and so on. While these experiences often seem intolerable, they’re merely unhealthy outcomes which stem from your irrational Beliefs.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational Beliefs which people often use to upset themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD (used as follows).

As an example, some Stranger Things fans watched the final episode (Action) and I imagine that they irrationally Believed, “This series is worthless [G], and we can’t stand that Eleven is separated from her friends [L], because it’s an awful ending [A] that shouldn’t have been [D]!”

With that unaccommodating GLAD script, the fans were then “angry” (Consequence). Bear in mind that watching the series (Action) didn’t cause an outcome (Consequence), as though some Action-Consequence (A-C) connection could explain outrage experienced by the fans.

Therefore, it’s worth taking personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for one’s own unpleasant Consequences in life. Thus, a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection better explains why so many people are “angry” regarding their Beliefs about Stanger Things.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

The process of challenging personal philosophies of life can take longer than I care to demonstrate herein. Thus, in the interest of time imagine that instead of self-disturbing fans of Stranger Things use rigorous Disputation and come up with the following Effective new beliefs:

Although we don’t appreciate how things turned out with the series, it wasn’t entirely worthless. In fact, we clearly can tolerate how events unfolded, as evidenced by our ability to go online and express dissatisfaction rather than melting away in our body’s shadow when watching the finale.

Additionally, Eleven ends up separated from her friends. Too bad! That’s not how we would’ve written the final events, yet we aren’t writers for Stanger Things. In actuality, the ending was inconvenient, not awful. Alas, it concluded just as it should’ve, even if we don’t like it.

Second, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Rather than being “angry,” fans of Stranger Things could’ve instead concluded that they have control over only their reactions to the finale of the series (USA). Likewise, they have no control and exceedingly limited influence over the writers of Stanger Things (UOA).

Moreover, life is imperfect and people don’t always get what they want (ULA). Therefore, the fans can move from unhelpful self-disturbance to helpful self-distress by being delightfully disappointed by their Beliefs about a franchise that at one time correlated with satisfaction.

A fairly simple UA reminder in this regard is to reflect upon how the character Derek said to the character Holly in season five, episode five of Stanger Things, “I’m not dipshit Derek anymore. I’m delightful Derek.” Personally, it was the best moment of the entire season!

Of course, I’m biased… even if Derek’s name is improperly spelled. (Who doesn’t know that the only proper way to spell my name is D-E-R-I-C? Duh! /s) That particular scene represents Derek’s use of USA, as this helpful perspective shift may also be transferred to UOA and ULA.

In conclusion, if you use irrational beliefs as a fan of Stranger Things, then you may be dishearteningly devastated. However, if you use rational beliefs and watched what I also saw, then you can be delightfully disappointed. Subjectively, the latter is preferable to the former.

Personal ownership for your outcomes in life is the takeaway. After all, there are likely to be many other science fiction television series to come. How would you rather respond—like dipshit Derek, or like delightful Derek? Personally, delightfully disappointed is the way to go!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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