I Just Gotta Be a G, I Just Gotta Be Me

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

In 2002, Houston collective Guerilla Maab (rappers Z-Ro, Trae tha Truth, and Dougie D) released the album Res•Ur•Rect•Ed which contained the song “I’s a Playa” that was produced by Russell Lee. Personally, the slowed and chopped version is preferable to the original track.

At any rate, lyrics of the chorus state, “I just gotta be a G, I just gotta be me. You fuckin’ wit’ a thug, fa’sho. Catch you ridin’ on chrome, late night in a zone. I’s a playa, I suppose.” Perhaps some descriptions of these lyrics are in order.

First, stating that “I just gotta […]” serves as a demandingness derivative. Here, I think two matters of focus for improved understanding are necessary. (1) When using the word “just” in this manner, it’s likely that an individual is attempting to justify one’s own actions.

For instance, the American Psychological Association defines this instance of justification as “in clinical psychology, defensive intellectualization, as in making an excuse for an action, cognition, or affect that one knows to be or is considered to be wrong or indefensible.”

(2) When expressing that one’s “gotta” do something, it’s as though one is stating that one should, must, or ought to partake in an action. Depending on whether or not one’s mental script is flexible will determine the result of a particular outcome.

As an example, if I state that I “gotta” wipe after defecating – though I neglect my personally-prescribed behavior – then I’m likely to experience physical discomfort (e.g., itchiness) and psychological distress (e.g., annoyance). Thus, flexibly, I “gotta” wipe after taking a shit.

Alternatively, if I demand that you “gotta” respect me – though you ignore my other-prescribed action – then I’ll probably endure physical discomfort (e.g., tense shoulders) and psychological disturbance (e.g., rage). Therefore, you don’t necessarily “gotta” follow my inflexible command.

Thus, flexibility versus inflexibility is an important consideration when assessing demandingness derivatives. Comprehending these two matters of focus, stating that “I just gotta be a G, I just gotta be me” relates to flexible justification of one’s desire to behave in a particular manner.

Second, the term “G” has different meanings to various people. Arguably, perhaps even fundamentally, it means gangster, gangsta, or other derivatives thereof (i.e., gangbanger, gangbanga, etc.). In hip hop, this word has morphed into a term of endearment (i.e., friend).

Third, the term “fa’sho” is slang regarding “for sure.” As it relates to REBT, specifically concerning the tool of unconditional acceptance, I argue that life is impermanent and uncertain. As such, very few matters in life are guaranteed or “fa’sho,” with some exceptions (e.g., death).

Last, the term “playa” is slang for “player.” Colloquially, this relates to a person (especially a man) who has many lovers. Usually, women who have multiple sexual partners are referred to as “hoes” (singular “ho”) rather than playas, for whatever reason. “Playa” can also mean “friend.”

Specific descriptions of the lyrics for “I’s a Playa” aside, I now invite you to consider the terms you use. After all, I maintain that the words we use matter. Explicitly, what you say to yourself and others determines particular outcomes. What type of results do you prefer?

You can use inflexible demands, G, and see how that works out for you. As well, playa, you can use flexible derivatives of demandingness. Personally, regarding self-disturbed conditions, I just gotta be free, I just gotta be me. I ain’t fuckin’ wit’ rigidness, fa’sho (or at least I try not to).

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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