I Shoulda Pulled It, 'Cause They Deserved the Bullet

[DISCLAIMER]

Over a decade ago, when attending the School of Social Work (now Steve Hicks School of Social Work) at the University of Texas at Austin, I met a Mexican woman and fellow graduate student to whom I was attracted. Eventually, we began dating.

As people tend to do when involved with intimate partner relationships, we discussed our unique backgrounds, what types of music we enjoyed, and so forth. She expressed surprise at the fact that in high school I befriended members of the Sureños (a predominately Mexican gang).

It was from that group of individuals that I learned most of the profane Spanish terms I’ve remembered throughout the years. Aside from my familiarity with Spanish phrases, the woman in whom I was interested told me she liked that I had an affinity for the oldies musical genre.

In any case, as we drove through downtown Austin after class while listening to music, the song “Soy Chingon” [i.e., I’m a badass] played by rapper Lil Rob, from the album Crazy Life (1997). The tune features a sample from the oldies track “Sincerely” (1954) by the Moonglows.

I was taken aback by my beliefs about how the religiously conservative, though socially liberal, woman I dated sang along to Lil Rob’s song. Herein, I’ll address one portion of the lyrics which may serve as a mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”) lesson.

Before I do, forgive me an anecdote that I find humorous. In “Soy Chingon”, the rapper uses the term “leva.” When I asked the woman I was dating what it meant, I was teased for having once befriended Sureños and not knowing to what the word was in reference.

She was all too eager to call her mom on speakerphone in that moment! “Mom,” she stated, “Deric wants to know what leva means!” They both shared a laugh at my expense, as I laughed along out of ignorance.

For context, one source states of this expression, “A term used by Chicano urban/barrio youth to mean that a member of a group has turned his/her back on the rest—meaning that a member of a gang/group has disappointed his/her peers by joining another group/gang.”

In my defense, one, I graduated high school in ‘95 and cut ties with my gang-affiliated friends shortly thereafter. The song came out in ‘97.Two, I never heard my gang friends use the term. Last, I wasn’t a validated gang member, so the expression couldn’t have applied to me anyway.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed the time shared with my fellow social work peer on that afternoon drive. Now, every time I hear “Soy Chingon” I think of her with fond memories. With this relatively arbitrary background information out of the way, I’ll now provide a mental health lesson.

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

When listening to “Soy Chingon” with the woman I dated—who wound up being my girlfriend, as we were together for a couple years in total, and she was the last woman in whom I engaged an intimate partner relationship—she sang along as Lil Rob stated the following:

Putos rollin’ through my barrio, I broke their window

Shank their fuckin’ tires, now they can’t leave

And now it’s about time for three skonkas to bleed

Pulled ‘em out the ranfla, and we fucked ‘em up

Took ‘em to the canton, and we tagged them up

Put the big “BC” on their foreheads

We want the vatos alive, we don’t want ‘em dead

We want ‘em walking around to show that the Brown Crowd was there

And did that shit without a care

In the world, ‘cause they’re nothing but little girls

Damn, I shoulda pulled it, ‘cause they deserved the bullet

Put the cuete to their temple

Then pulled the fuckin trigger, ‘cause it’s so fuckin simple

Just like my lyrics, I’m kickin’ back when I say ‘em

I don’t yell at putos, ey, I’m kickin’ back when I spray them

Fuckin leva!

‘Cause if you fuck with me

I fuck with you twice as hard, leva!

Yeah, soy chingon

Again, in my defense, I knew all of the Spanish slang terms in the song except “leva.” (Okay, I’m over it.) When the woman I was dating sang “I shoulda pulled it, ‘cause they deserved the bullet,” I thought of the ABC model and how use of “shoulda” indicated an inflexible demand.

In essence, Lil Rob expressed that he absolutely should’ve shot his enemigas. When hearing my social work peer not only sing this line, though act it out as though she was shooting someone as we rode through downtown Austin, I was taken aback by a flexible form of demandingness.

“Being a devout Catholic, she ideally shouldn’t promote homicide [a killing of one human being by another],” I thought. I then laughed, because both inflexible and flexible demands co-occurred. Someone was being murdered on a song, though I was concerned about impropriety.

Now, using this personal anecdote, it’s my aim to help you better understand the role of demandingness—whether inflexible or flexible use occurs, or even regarding co-occurrence. Also, if you’d like to know more about REBT, then I’m here to assist, leva! (How could I resist?)

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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