Step to My Girl: But Ask Yourself, Homeboy, Why Is That?

[DISCLAIMER]

I’m a fan of Oakland, California-based underground hip hop collective Hieroglyphics, also known as the Hieroglyphics Crew and Hiero, consisting of lyricists Del the Funky Homosapien, Casual, Pep Love, and all four members of the group Souls of Mischief (lyricists Phesto, A-Plus, Opio, and Tajai), as well as DJ Touré and producer/manager Domino.

In 2001, Hiero released the album Hiero Oldies Vol 1 that contained the 1990 track “Step to My Girl” by Souls of Mischief. It featured samples by Grover Washington Jr.’s “Aubrey” (1973), Melvin Bliss’ “Synthetic Substitution” (1973), and lyricist YZ’s “Who’s That Girl” (1990).

Additionally, the song contained a sample of “Why is That?” (1989) by classic hip hop collective Boogie Down Productions (lyricists KRS-One and D-Nice, as well as the late DJ Scott La Rock). In particular, KRS-One states, “But ask yourself, homebody [friend, acquaintance], why is that?”

On the Souls of Mischief track, a line from YZ was sampled that states, “Every time I see you in the world, you always step to my girl.” For clarity, regarding urban vernacular from the ‘80s and ‘90s, to “step to” someone or something merely meant to approach or challenge the entity.

For instance, when YZ noted that every time he observed an individual, that person approached the lyricist’s intimate partner—as the term “girl” was and is often used to describe both minor- and adult-aged females. Given this context, the chorus of “Step to My Girl” states via samples:

Every time I see you in the world

You always step to my girl

But ask yourself, homeboy, why is that? (Yo)

Years ago, nitape’skw (nee-dub-besk) and I discussed this track. I enjoyed the various samples and old school hip hop aesthetic, though my dear friend didn’t appreciate the theme of “Step to My Girl”. To provide background information on the track, consider that one source states:

The song is a fantastic example of underground Bay Area hip-hop, with vastly more complex rhyme schemes and creative slant rhymes than typical of early 90s mainstream rap, and heavy influences from freestyling/battling.

“Step To My Girl” features verses from Tajai, A-Plus, and Opio, who each riff on the same theme: what happens to the chumps that try to steal their girls. The imagery is violent – “wood bat,” “suture,” “knuckles buried in chins,” and a “coffin.” – but the tone is playful, and even juvenile. Tajai said in a later interview: “We made that song when we were 15.” […]

We recorded that song when we were still in high school; I was probably 15 or 16. […] We were at the age where we were getting into serious relationships. We wanted to make a love song, but for it not to be sappy, so we added the “I’ll beat you up if you talk to my girlfriend” aspect to it. We were kids. Literally.

What I didn’t consider when discussing the track with nitape’skw was that whereas I saw the world through the perspective of an adolescent boy, she couldn’t use a similar perspective. Thus, her outlook enriched my base of knowledge, wisdom, and understanding of the world.

Specifically, nitape’skw worked as an advocate for those who were victims of intimate partner violence and domestic violence, as she encouraged me to think more deeply about the lyrics rather than merely nodding my head to the beat. For instance, Opio states on his verse:

I’m the brother stepping with the flyer female companion

Others be scheming or scamming, dreaming, planning, plotting

Trying to make moves when I’m not in the vicinity

I’ll fill that ass with splinters, see

Pull a wood bat, would that change your disposition?

Wishing you was in my position, kissing and hugging on a goddess, but I stay humble and modest

Brothers want to rumble, but they stumble and fumble

‘Cause they get pummeled by the mischievous

You might catch a whiff of this sneaker

Seek the company of my sweet señorita?

Swing a bat like The Natural, break your clavicle

Fracture femurs, as you scream, I’m overcome with laughter

I’m the champion, my man slaps me ten, ‘cause she’s twice as nice

Twice the jealousy, ‘cause fellas see they don’t suffice

Opio Lindsey spins the spinal cords of the hordes of the Huckleberry Finns

My knuckles are buried in chins, ‘cause it offends when you’re stepping

Adrenaline is pumping; I thump chumps with my weapon

Moments of tranquility abruptly have to cease

Walking hand in hand when one feels he has to speak his peace

Should I pull a piece and unleash a couple of bullets?

Would it persuade a brother to turn his head and foot it

In the opposite direction, throat sets in his chin

Recognized that I fooled him

Looking back, my 15- or 16-year-old self would’ve cosigned those lyrics. Therefore, for your benefit, applying nitape’skw’s perspective to the song, I’ll use my adolescent perspective for a psychoeducational lesson on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

From an A-C view, physically battering someone with a “wood bat” (Action) may “fill that ass with splinters” (Consequence), per Tajai’s admission. Yet, from the B-C perspective, merely seeing someone step to my girl in adolescence isn’t what caused enragement resulting in battery.

Hypothetically, at 15- or 16-years-old, I saw someone step to my girl (Action) and I Believed, “This dude is worthless [G], and I can’t allow him to disrespect me [L], because it’d be horrific if my girl thought that I wouldn’t intervene [A], so I should tune his ass up with this bat [D]!”

In this theoretical example, use of my unaccommodating self-narrative would cause an episode of rage during which I’d fill another boy’s “ass with splinters” (Consequence), per Tajai’s admission. Therefore, my unhelpful B-C connection would then result in an unlawful A-C event.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

One of the components of “Step to My Girl” that I appreciate from the healthy perspective of nitape’skw is that, using a KRS-One sample, Disputation of a self-disturbing Belief occurs when saying to oneself, “You could physically batter this guy, but ask yourself, homeboy, why is that?”

In my teenage years, there was very little—if any—questioning of unproductive scrips. This is because I didn’t appreciate the distinction between descriptions and prescriptions. Particularly, I neglected to consider that my Beliefs weren’t definite mandates which I had to follow.

In actuality, my self-narratives were often akin to cognitive distortions representing a type of mental noise. I simply described events, such as a perception about someone stepping to my girl, though it wasn’t as though my Beliefs were undeniable prescriptions about how to react.

Aside from this helpful ABC model reframe, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Concerning my circle of control and USA, my younger self could’ve reasoned that I controlled my reaction to boys stepping to my girl. Yet, regarding my circle of influence and UOA, I didn’t control whether or not other boys would step to my girl, or how my girlfriend would respond.

Related to my circle of concern and ULA, I would’ve benefited by admitting that in this impermanent and uncertain life it’s better to simply walk away or lose one’s girlfriend than to fill another boy’s “ass with splinters,” per Tajai’s admission, as physical battery wasn’t necessary.

As for the area of no concern, wherein matters such as whether or not a version of teenage Deric who’s made of cheese in another dimension would’ve physically battered another boy by using a breadstick, that’s not even worth discussing, because I have realistic problems in this lifetime.

Ultimately, nitape’skw’s perspective was accurate. “Step to My Girl” is a violent song, even if melodically soothing. While I still enjoy the track and remain a fan of Hieroglyphics, I’ve benefitted from my friend’s outlook. Now, I invite you do contemplate the lesson in this post.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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