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I'd Expect Somebody Should Be Coming

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • 2 days ago
  • 9 min read

 

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

 

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

 

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

 

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

 

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

 

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

 

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

 

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

 

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

 

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

 

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

 

First, a bit of context is necessary. I once vaguely subscribed to a notion I called the “law of 360 [degrees],” as it related to the concept of karma. Regarding this topic, one source states:

 

Karma is an ancient Indian concept that refers to an action, work, or deed, and its effect or consequences. In Indian religions, the term more specifically refers to a principle of cause and effect, often descriptively called the principle of karma, wherein individuals’ intent and actions (cause) influence their future (effect):

 

Good intent and good deeds contribute to good karma and happier rebirths, while bad intent and bad deeds contribute to bad karma and worse rebirths. In some scriptures, however, there is no link between rebirth and karma.

 

In common parlance, the concept of karmic justice is expressed by stating “what goes around comes around.” Currently, I no longer subscribe to the notion of this unfalsifiable claim. Nonetheless, many people do.

 

For example, Revenge of the Dreamers III (2019) includes contributions from Dreamville Records artists and collaborators on the song “Ladies, Ladies, Ladies”, featuring lyricist JID and rapper T.I. The track was produced by Kal Banx, who later used the sample on “LADIES+”.

 

I enjoy both songs, as they provide an audio sample which is akin to something like a lullaby. Personally, it’s a relaxing “vibe,” as the young’uns say. (It’s quite fitting from a collaboration submitted by recording company Dreamville.) In any event, on the Dreamville song, T.I. states:

 

They say karma is constant

That means it’s just, it’s a consistent cycle of

Good and bad

Coming and going from every source of life

Existing on Earth, so

If I fucked a bitch real good back in the day, you know what I’m saying?

I’m talking like real good, and like made her feel, you know

Like the woman that it made her into, the woman that she is right now, then

I’d expect somebody should be coming to fuck me real good any day now

I mean, it’s karma, right? (Sheesh)

 

Depending on whether or not the rapper maintains a flexible or inflexible expectation, relating to the notion that someone preferably should or absolutely should engage in sexual activity with him, then the outcomes of his belief about karmic consequences will vary.

 

Suppose that T.I. maintains a flexible belief, though no one fucks him. Too bad; life goes on. Now imagine the rapper maintaining an inflexible belief, as still no one fucks him. He’ll likely self-disturb with having subscribed to the unfalsifiable notion that he’s entitled to some ass.

 

I don’t know that karma is said to work in that way, which is why I suspect that the throwaway verse in “Ladies, Ladies, Ladies” was likely meant in gest—as indicated by the humorous use of “sheesh” as the end of the track. Law of 360 or not, I now offer this helpful lesson to you.

 

Do you convince yourself of universal entitlement to good, bad, pleasurable, dis-pleasurable, or other such consequences? If you’re using flexible narratives in this regard, you may be used to disappointment. Yet if you’re using rigid expectations, then you’ll unnecessarily cause suffering.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


 

References:

 

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