I Need You to Protect

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

Before illustrating a demandingness derivative, it may be helpful to add that sometimes mental scripts are accompanied by inferences (the act of passing from one proposition, statement, or judgment considered as true to another whose truth is believed to follow from that of the former).

Notably, the ABC model notes how distorted inferences (misleading conclusions based on illogical and unreasonable beliefs) cause disturbance (i.e., stemming from irrational beliefs) and distress (i.e., stemming from rational beliefs). Now, I submit an example for your review.

When listening to an electronic dance music (EDM) DJ set by Pivot Back, I heard him spin the track “All I See Is You” (2026) by Bound to Divide and featuring vocals by Coulson. In part, the lyrics state:

I still feel you there

You stay in my mind

I won’t bother anyone

I’m holding on to demons in my head

And I still need you there

You’re the only one who cares

I won’t bother anyone

I’m holding on to demons in my head

And I need you to protect

I need you to protect

I need you to protect

I need you to protect myself

Is it the case that Coulson needs another person, as a demanding thing is a necessary one? I argue in the negative. Still, what would make this distorted inference a valid assertion? I suppose that if Coulson were in need of cardiopulmonary resuscitation, then another person would be required.

However, if he’s conscious enough to vocalize what he supposedly needs, then the vocalist likely doesn’t require an emergency lifesaving procedure in this case. Therefore, we can view each use of “need” in the cited lyrics as distortedly inferring that Coulson believes he must have someone.

For example, the vocalist apparently maintains that he absolutely must have someone with him (i.e., I still need you there). Similarly, he likely believes that he conditionally must have this individual to protect him (i.e., I need you to protect me from my mind, or else I’ll suffer defeat).

Adding a bit of dramatization to his self-disturbing narrative, Coulson proposes that he’s “holding on to demons” in his head. Thus, he absolutistically or conditionally needs someone else, or perhaps even his soul is in jeopardy of defeat. Of course, none of these scripts are true.

Perhaps considered romantic by irrational standards of society, whereby person X apparently must have person Y, or experience devastating consequences, the vocalist in “All I See Is You” doesn’t genuinely need protection from anyone else. Coulson can instead dispute his beliefs.

Now, I invite you to consider this psychoeducational lesson regarding your own life. Do you “need” someone else to protect you from the irrational beliefs in your own mind? I doubt it! Therefore you can be your own knight in shining armor while fighting your own mental battle!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, Designed by Freepik, fair use

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